I had been so focused on getting through that first year of medical school (which I did – passed all of my exams and every course I took) that I hadn’t given a moment’s thought to what I was going to do over the summer.

Traditionally, first-year medical students plan something impressive for the gap summer between first and second year. Something that has heft on a residency application. Research, a medical aid trip to an exotic country, or volunteering were among the exciting plans my classmates had made for the summer.

By the time summer started, I felt like all I was up to was taking a nap. And that is exactly what I did for the first few days of summer break. I slept in as much as I could, waking up to nurse or play with the little dude for an hour or so, then going right back to sleep. Even doing dishes or putting in laundry seemed like a major undertaking.

It felt like I was making up for all the sleep I hadn’t had all year.

We made plans to visit my parents, and packed up the little dude for his first plane trip (which was surprisingly low stress.) When we got to my parent’s house, I still felt like I wanted to sleep until at least 11 most days, even after the jet lag should have been long gone.

I was still anxious and cranky much of the time, and even more stressed out about breastfeeding. I was hyper-irritable. I accused my mom of using the wrong bottles, of overfeeding the little dude, of being the cause of his mid-trip nursing strike (which a cooler head would have attributed to. . . perhaps the massive change in routine provoked by an airplane trip and his first-ever cold?).

My mom responded by taking me out for a manicure, during which I tearfully realized that I hadn’t been feeling like myself – emotionally at least – since the little dude was born. I was dumbfounded by the realization that even with all my medical acumen and awareness, I had been too stressed out to even recognize the symptoms of postpartum depression and/or anxiety.

That day, I called up the student health service at my school and made an appointment to speak with a mental health counselor as soon as we returned from our trip. Newly aware, and recognizing that what I was feeling was an actual issue that I could get help for, I started to feel just a tiny bit better already.

Maternity Scrubs is a mama to one cute little dude, a wife, and a first year medical student. She also enjoys cooking delicious and healthy food, traveling, and listening to baby music!