It's fathers day and I've just woken up exhausted after having 14 eleven year old girls celebrate my daughters birthday last night. I am fully prepared for today having had eleven other fathers day to practice with. I know what is expected of me and how to act. Most importantly I know what to say. Below from a veteran are my top ten things to say to my kids on fathers day.

1) Thank you: No matter what the present or how its presented thank you are the best two words to use. Here's an example. Thank you daughter for these great Barbie boxer shorts in pink I'll wear them a lot.

2) I love you too: This works well as an opener for fathers day as your child leaps into bed to wish you a happy fathers day before the birds begin to chirp in the morning.

3) Wow That's great: This one works well when the straberry/blueberry/orange slice pancakes are brought to you for breakfast.

4) OK just a minute and I'll be there: I have found that this line helps when trying to steal a quick shower before the day begins

As the day progresses I have found these lines to be helpful.

5) Do you know the origin of fathers day? Most don't. It was Sonara Dodd of Spokane Washington and she thought of a way to honor the strength and selflessness her father had shown in raising six children.

6) Do you know the two best quotes for fathers? "When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years." Mark Twain. "By the time a man realizes that his father was right, he usually has a child who thinks he's wrong" Charles Wadsworth.

7) OK its fathers day so ...: This one I use for every little event like not getting up from the couch and asking one of my children to go get that can of soda from the fridge or the newspaper from outside or better yet a few moments of peace.

Toward the end of the day I'm armed with the following three:

8) OK Its Fathers Day so let's show some respect. This one is great when the football game starts and everyone else in the household wants to watch some Animal Planet special on hibernating crocodiles in Siberia. Football rules because its Dads day

9) Tonight I'll take everyone to dinner. This is great for that huge 40 once porterhouse steak you wanted, with big mashed mountain sized potatoes while everyone else wanted sushi.

And the best is for last. This one is to be used when the pleasantness of fathers day has deteriorated and friction runs high.

10) Oh you think I'm a bad dad? I'm great compared to the other bad dads of history. Try being the child of Ivan the Terrible, or Ben Franklin. Ole Ben did some horrific things to his kids. Of course my smart daughters retort from last year was how about being the father of Napoleon You think it was fun for him!

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