My name is ANBDO and in about four days I will be starting my new job as a Family Medicine Attending in central North Carolina. I'm also a single mother. The road traveled to this point has been very difficult. I'm excited about my new job but I can't help wonder "what will happen now."

I had my son during my second year of medical school (I found out that I was pregnant during the time I was taking gross anatomy class. I don't know what was worst the mask I had to wear or the morning sickness that last all day). During my son's first year of life I found out that domestic violence and substance abuse knows no socioeconomic or educational boundaries (My partner, who was a medical student with me, started abusing substances when I was about seven months pregnant) . Because of above I became homeless and had to repeat part of my second year due to poor performance. At that time I was
overwhelm with being a mother to my son, a nurse to a sick partner, and a medical student so my mother step in to help me by taking my son until I graduated. Please note that I was in a school in NYC and my mother lived six hours upstate in New York. I would see my son about once a month (between rotations) for three years. Eventhough that was the best thing for my son I still have a lot of guilt for that decision.

Meanwhile the domestic violence had escalated to the point that I had to get an order of protection against my partner (This served to be a good thing because my partner sought treatment and now has been clean for five years. He currently back in medical school. Eventhough we can't be a couple the fact he sought treatment allows us to remain friends. This is good for our son). After medical school, I completed a family practice residency. Again the road was filled with road bumps. I pick a program that was close to my mother so that if I get into trouble again help will be closer. My son would stay with my parents when I was on call. My son would bounces between homes about 3 to 4 times a week. Also my daycare hours conflicted with my internship duties. The faculty was unhappy with my performance and told me that if I want to stay in the program I had to repeat the internship year. After discussing this with my parents it was decided that my son would live with them until I completed my residency and I'm to repeat the internship. During my second internship, to my dismay, my son told my mother and myself that he was being abused by my father (It turns out that my father was also abusing my baby sister at the same time. In the end my father was removed from my mother's home, a permanent order of protection was placed against my father, and he lost parental and grandparental rights). After my son returned to my mother's, my performance in the residency improved to the point that I was elected chief resident during my 3rd year. During the beginning of my 3rd year my father, who I haven't spoken to in two years, health took a turn for the worst. He died in Ohio October 2nd of 2001 (please note that he was is an upstate NY hospital and was transfer to a hospital in Ohio. Two days after 9-11 I received a phone call from his physicians in Ohio stating that he wasn't going to survive the night. There was no way I could go to him because there were no flights(planes were still grounded), the trains were booked, and because it was a ten hour drive by the time I reach him he would be dead. Despite all he had done to my son, I still loved my father and his death was a huge lost to me. I learned that I have the ability to unconditionally love a person. This isn't a trait share with my siblings).

After my father's death my mother expressed an interest of leaving the North. She is originally from North Carolina. I have the National Health Service Corp Scholarship which requires me to leave NY (no available sites is the reason for the leave). So I look for employment in North Carolina. I did find employment and I moved my mother, my baby sister, my son, and myself to NC. We all live together. That brings us to now.

After reading this now you know why I can help wondering "what will happen now." ANBDO

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