On another thread someone wanted to get this topic going.

My experience was that there was enormous role dissonance for me (and many of my friends) in becoming a doctor as we crossed over from preclinical to clinical and headed into residency. Everything in my previous life had been about being agreeable and relatively "under" or at least "equal" - i.e. daughter, student, girlfriend. It was very strange to cross over to being the one in charge in a very hierarchical situation. Even now, when I am quite used to being a doctor (practice for almost 10 years post-residency), I still think there is a lot of role-dissonance with being in my "real" life. I think it is really important not to begin to believe that you really ARE more important in your real life, where your role really is pretty central to many clinical encounters and the set-up at your job. I suspect some physicians (my perception more male than female) may start to believe in their own overweaning importance as they get into their careers :rolleyes: Naturally my husband, my kids, other parents, teachers of my kids, etc. don't really see me as somehow extra valuable (as it should be!!) and I think that the role-dissonance continues forever to some degree.

Can any other physicians relate??!! I found this one of the hardest things back in med school and residency :p

Thanks for initiating discussion, as it is something I hadn't thought upon previously. Some ideas: at home, patience and openness are required, a willingness to change one's tasks minute-to-minute as children's needs and interests arise. at work, one is talking in this baseball-medical jargon, serving as an expert, becoming involved in 'turf' issues. Yes, it is often uncomfortably dissonant. I understand what you mean about the heirarchical aspect. I think I make myself so open at home, that I am vulnerable when I first arrive at work and am transitioning to that role. What can we do about it?

I understand about the role dissonance. It hit me full force one night at my son's baseball game. One of the boys hurt his leg, and as I was examining him, a group gathered around us. Without looking up, I said "We are going to need some ice." Nobody moved. Thinking that maybe they did not hear me, I said it again a little louder. Still nobody moved to go get ice. By then, I was through with my exam, and was a bit frustrated. It dawned on me that I was so used to working in the medical profession as the one in charge that I expected someone to go get the ice. This group obvious had no experience or inclinations in that area, so I went to get the ice. I did not realize how deeply ingrained the "ER mode" was until that night. So I try to remember, but I am naturally the take charge kind of person.

I love that story.

One of the problems I hit is that I'm so used to taking charge that I get really surprised when my kids don't follow my lead. I still haven't figured out how to force myself to play Bionicles or Yugioh which is what my son really wants to do, although I'm willing to play computer games or Uno. I'm in solo practice partly because I don't think I was great at compromising. And it's a marital issue too -- my husband and I are great at "divide-and-conquer" parenting but have a harder time when we need to work out something together and negotiate. We read a book during our engagement called "Imperative People: Those Who Must Be Right" and of course figured out that we were BOTH imperative people, although I'm worse. At least we figured it out before we got married and it's more often a source of humor than a source of conflict now.

Hahaha Psych, that is too funny - definitely a problem for my husband and I too, but we didn't figure it out before we were married. About a year after I began my career as a money market trader, my husband told me that I had become "very confrontational" and that it was affecting our home life too much. Of course he was right. Like in the medical field, you get so used to speaking in a succinct technical language and getting instantaneous action as a result of your words, that anything less becomes frustrating. I became somewhat over-reactive in many situations. Even now, seven years after leaving that field, I find that I continue to play that role - often expecting unquestioning and instantaneous action from my kids when I ask them to do something. It is hard to get away from the "time is of the essence" mentality and just slow down and enjoy life at the level of more "normal" people. :rolleyes: