This note is to rtolkoff: I really do believe that a lot of your fears and guilt will go away, because once you start something that you have been destined to do..I really think that everything will balance out in your mind..and you will feel okay doing it.

Here is my situation, I am starting school next year (Spring Semester '04) and I will be putting my daughter in daycare (this is a first for me), and I have felt anxiety, fear, and guilt about it, but then I keep reminding myself that it will really be great for her to interact with other kids and she will have so much fun!! Also, I know that she is proud of me for going for my dreams. I am a stay-at-home mom..I work as a medical transcriptionst, but I always knew that there was more for me out there...I need more of a challenge!!!

I hope this helps a little.
Take care,
Beckie

I hope that when school starts that I will find some peace. But it seems that some people just don't, and they regret their decision. I suppose I could always quit school, I'm just trying to see if I'm more like those who feel like throwing in the towel, or more like those who find some balance they can live with. I do understand that I will always feel torn, and when I work hard at one thing, the other will suffer. I just can't get my mind around the piece of making my kids suffer.

Hi - I'm a resident with a 2-year old and #2 due this summer. I disagree with the "making kids suffer" line of thought. I stayed home for 3 months with her, then worked part time for about a year before starting residency. Now she is in daycare, as my husband is also an MD. She loves daycare, and is fundamentally a happy kid. A good daycare center is stimulating, they are professionals at thinking up cool things to do, and there is the socialization with other kids. She has lots of friends there and looks forward to it each day. She and I are still as close as ever, and I have not noticed increased clinginess or tantrums or anything negative (OK, more colds, but we deal). So I think you need to go into this with the attitude that you are making a decision that is best in the long run, and that she will be just fine with whatever you do (how would she know any different?).

I do wrestle with guilt from time to time, when I've had a particularly tough week and not seen her much, but I am comforted by the fact that she does just fine without me (thanks to daddy and grandparents). But when I was thinking about residency, I couldn't stand the thought of regretting the path not taken! I knew I would be a happier and better mom as a professional. I think guilt is just part of motherhood, no matter what choices you make.

-Diana

I really agree with Diana. I don't feel guilty. My daughter is 1 1/2 and is in full time daycare which means I get stuff done (I see patients 4 days a week). She loves her teacher, I know the place since my son went there before she did, and she's doing great. She started at 8 months, and my son started at 1. I was home with them at first, and I think that's nicer for the tiny babies just because even in a great daycare it's not 1:1 most of the time and at that point mostly it's about snuggling and feeding and changing. The other reason is because they'll get sick a bunch at first, and if you can delay that it's nicer and maybe safer than a sick newborn. But I honestly don't feel guilty. I love my work, I love my kids, they love me. My husband is really involved with them and it's not like any of us are asking whether HE should work or not!

I get home with both kids around 4pm 4 days a week (I work one night) and it feels like a good balance between work and home time. I hired weekly housecleaners a year ago, and just had my first personal chef day last week. This is a BIG bonus, because one of my frustrations was coming home to play with the kids and then having to spend time in the kitchen. Now it's all frozen and all I have to do is microwave or bake and make pasta or rice. BIG IMPROVEMENT over my frustration before.

I would encourage others to look into a personal chef too. (I'm not using but a friend of mine is one). They can actually be surprisingly 'affordable'.

Try these links.. http://www.personalchef.com/
http://www.hireachef.com/

Sethina