I also posted this in the family-parenting forum . . .

Hi, I am new to the mom md forums and was just wondering if there is any place on the website specifically for those of us who are staying at home with the kids full-time for a while. I am a preventive medicine physician (did a year of internal med, an MPH, and a preventive med residency, board certification, etc.) and have taken time off at various points during my training to be at home full-time. I've been working part-time for the last four years post-residency and decided to stay at home full-time for a while a couple of months ago. I am looking to connect with other mom md's who have made this choice, whether temporarily or permanently but am not sure how to find them. I've started my own blog (http://doconbreak.blogspot.com/) and have found a couple of other blogs of SAHM-mds, but that aren't necessarily focused on helping the new SAHM-md make the transition to staying home.

I don't even know how many of us there are. Although I haven't been an active forum participant on mom md, I have used the website as a resource for several years and I've noticed that more moms seem to be saying that they are taking a break from working-- based on my scattered reading of the posts. Still, I am not sure if I'm one of ten in the country or if there is actually a significant number of us in the country.

Anyway, if anyone has any info on a particular place here or elsewhere on the web that is dedicated to us SAHM-MDs, please let me know!

I love this website and am so thankful it exists.

I don't know of a place devoted to SAHM-MDs, but SAHM-MDs are definitely welcome here! A couple of people have started blogs here about their own personal stories, but I don't know of a collection of actual resources. But that is a very good idea. There are so few of us that we are unlikely to meet others in real life.

I worked as a general internist for 5 years and quit in Feb. I worked with a practice that wouldn't consider part-time among other problems. We moved so my husband could get a job and I had my second baby this summer. only my sister seemed ok with me quitting and everyone just keeps asking when I am going back to work, including my husband who is feeling the stress of being the only income earner (we also had to take a paycut and still have debts to pay off....). This has been very difficult and I knew noone who had quit and no one knew how to help me with insurance and licensure questions as well as even how to leave a practice successfully. I would love to try a non-clinical career but not sure how to get started. I would love to chat so send me a PM if you want but I will check out your blog.

I would like to list some books that were helpful to me, but is there a way of linking them to Amazon so that MomMD can get "credit" at the same time?

Hi, sahmd and IrishMD, Thanks so much for writing back. I know that a lot of professional women are opting to take career breaks to stay home with kids, but the trend seems way more uncommon among medical moms. I would love to stay in touch and am giving more thought to how to find ways for us to all be connected and share resources/support on common issues. I agree that SAHM-md's seem to be very welcome on Mom MD. I want to say again that I love this website!

Well it does not seem that uncommon to me! I know physician women in my professional circle who have done this. I myself work PT and always have. I have considered stepping out of the workforce at various times but thankfully I have been able to negotiate a lot of flexibility at work (it was not there, I created it). I want to say, do not feel alone. This website has been enormously helpful to me. It has allowed me to find a network of support that I did not have in my physical circle of friends, family, and colleagues. Everyone needs that!

Thanks for this encouragement, kpzr.

Hello PrevMedDoc
I am a SAHM for the last 2 1/2 years. Left medicine for a season as a pediatrician in a busy ER. I am now homeschooling my 3 kids (10y, 8 1/2y and 5y). I volunteer at a clinic once a week for the uninsured. I am having the time of my life and really loving being at home and raising my kids and being a sahw (stay at home wife). I do not visit this site as often as I use to. I kinda get tired of reading about the struggles of trying to become/being a doctor and the same questions over and over. I really like the site. I tend to sit quiet, I have been there, done that. Now I am in a new phase in my life and one day I will go back but at this time...in the words of Frank Sinitra..." I am doing it my way".

hi, rugratdoc. so nice to hear from you! Yours is one of the stories I liked to follow quietly...

Hello- I am soo happy I found this site. I am a Family doctor with two children and told my boss yesterday that I am going to stay home because with two children and my husband a surgeon there was not enough room in my home for two big careers. The house is CRAZY!!!! The kids are okay but could be better. Our marriage has no energy!!!

I am sad but I think I am doing the right thing. I could not keep up with the increased demands at work, when I am picking up the kids, cooking, cleaning laundry, school requirements. .... It is tough!!!

I NEVER EVER THOUGHT THIS WOULD BE HAPPENING TO ME. I AM TOTALLY TERRIFIED TO TELL MY MOTHER.

Hi,

It is nice to see others doing what I have done. I have been home with my children for about 21 months now. I am a family doctor with an accountant husband. I have four children and stayed home after my fourth was born.

CCSAHMD I don't think that you will regret it at all. Life is much more managable with me not working.

I'm not saying that I don't second guess my decision alot. But every time I think about going back to work it lasts only for a short time. The demands of home and children are great and work was just not all that enjoyable anymore. My employer was expecting more late nights and that just was not compatible with my life.

I would also like to consider a non-clinical career, preferably something that I could do from home. Hopefully the right thing will find me, for now I am happy.

I hope to become a sahm-md soon. I have 1 child I home school and one on the way. I never thought I would totally quit working, but the reality of practicing medicine has been so disappointing. I thought I would be helping people, but in reality much of my time is spent dealing with office conflicts and fulfilling regulatory tasks imposed by the hospital administration that really have less to do with being a good doctor than making Joint Commission et al happy. Add to that rude and demanding patients who will sometimes resort to threats (yes threats) because they don't feel they should have to pay their $35 dollar copay for their visit (NOT because of financial hardship), and I keep asking myself "what am I doing here?" I would rather "mess up" my career than my children. My husband makes much more than I do , and with the cost of childcare and the emotional and physical toll of trying to juggle too many things, work is becoming too costly of a hobby. I would rather volunteer at the free medical clinic and in the community and meet REAL needs while giving my children and husband the attention they deserve. I am trying to use the 20 year view--20 years from now, what will I wish I had done?

It is good to hear so many in the same position. One question--anyone out there staying home whose husband now makes less than you made when you worked? I'm feeling pressured by him to go back to work for more money. He is happy I quit my job but thinks I can find a part time one I will enjoy, and I doubt it! His job is almost as demanding as mine was--he just makes less money. I am happy staying home now though and so am looking into working from home non-clinical.

My husband made less money than I did, but that did not stop him from wanting me to stay home. We had savings, "had" being the operative word. His attitude changed when the money started to run out.

Hi, new here.

I worked FT and PT as a pediatrician for 7 years before I left to SAH with my now 4 children (for almost 2 years). I homeschool an 8 and 5 year old and have a 4 year old and an infant. I knew quite a few PT pediatricians when I worked as a civilian doc for the military but have not met any SAHM MDs, so it is nice to hear of a few out there.

I consider it is a privilege to be able to raise my children, although it has taken me some years to take this step. I do not practice (paid off my tail last year) but volunteer to lecture at a center to support young/needy mothers.

I enjoyed working PT but with a husband who is a busy surgeon, it became quite painful to juggle "schedules" and unfair to the children. Although I do miss practicing, it does not compare to the joy of investing in their lives. I rarely feel like I am missing out or defrauding myself of a significant career. However, when I worked, I felt pressed and hated leaving my children in daycare or with a nanny (tried both).

My desire is to resume a PT position as the children get older or perhaps teach at a local college (anatomy, physiology, phys dg) but I don't know if this is feasible b/c I haven't spend much time investigating.

Thanks for all the input, I am definitely on a journey with this stay at home thing. My last day is November 13th!!!!!!!

At first I was sooo sad and conflicted, however as the days go by, I want to get away from all of the nonsense. I have had medical assistants bad mouthing me, telling my patients that I got fired and that I could not keep up. I chose to take care of my family!!!!!!

I am soooo tired of the politics, meetings, drama, needy patients with nonsense request and ridiculous expectations.

I am really tired of the lack of respect over all!!! Do not get me wrong, I think I have the best patients ever, they adore me, respect my opinion and many have offered to take care of my children so I would continue to work!!! But the medical field in general no longer respects the physician, the hard work and dedications.

I am ready to say let the medical assistants see the patients.

Thanks everyone. If you ge good leads reagarding other avenues of work, let me know.

As I am taking this journey I started blogging at another site.

Check out:

http://medicinepostponed.blogspot.com/

CCSAHMMD, when I read your blog post about how your husband could not pick up the kids because he was stuck in surgery and you had to cancel your evening clinic to get them, it reminded me of a book I read recently, "Opting Out." I am always talking about it because it explains so much about why some professional women stay home. One of the big factors was that we tend to marry professional men. These men work long hours and are usually not willing to slow down their own careers in order to have more time to do domestic tasks. There are other factors in the decision to stay home, of course, such as the stressfulness and inflexibility of the women's jobs, the needs of their children, the ability of other family members to help, and the women's internalized ideas about being a mother. It is good reading and I think you will recognize a lot of your own situation in the book.

Good luck with the transition to staying home!

Just wanted to add my story to the list. Thank you all for sharing yours.
I left practice about 4 1/2 years ago when my son was born with no intention of returning. I now have two boys. I enjoy them greatly but recently have really been missing clinical practice and am wishing I would have figured out some sort of part time option so I would have a better chance of getting back in. For me, the time has just gone by so fast.

Hi
Hope to keep this thread going, I just recently joined.
I've been home now for 6 years after really needing to take a break from a busy HMO practice when we moved to this small town and have much enjoyed being just mom.
CCSAHMMD and lidiamd, I can relate to your experiences having had to jump through more and more administrative hoops, deal with ever more demanding parents (pediatrics practice for about 13 years after residency), forced to handle more mental health issues(not just following, but diagnosing and treating) and as you state feeling less and less respect in a profession that was once looked up to.
I'm doing some editing for a board review firm online, but compensation is minimal for time spent though it does help me keep up-to-date with new developments.
Espera, part of me has been missing clinical practice too, (getting restless and could use the extra$ for kids education costs). I've been trying to look into part time work, but the response has been very sluggish or negative around here. I'm still waiting to hear from another.
4athomeped, did you look into college teaching? Is a teaching degree needed? I'd be interested in something like that too.
CCSAHMMD looks like you had your last day, how is it going so far?

Thanks for checking it out. Writing the blog has been very helpful for me as well as others. I NEVER THOUGHT IN A MILLION YEARS I WOULD WRITE A BLOG. But I think there is something that needs to be said for women in our situation.

I have been away from work for about two months and it is the best thing I have ever done. I am happier, my husband is happier and the kids are doing better. We do miss my income, but not that much. It means I have to be more creative and less over-indulgent with my children, which I am glad I am more frugal now.

There is so much more me to do at home, I have no idea how I managed before. Based on the many comments I have read from this site as well as others, I plan to start working 1/2 day a week or every other week starting this month just to keep my feet wet. However, in the long run I would not mind really using my education in a different way in the future. Medical writing of some sort. The grind of office practice is not attractive anymore.

Thanks for asking.
check me out: http://medicinepostponed.blogspot.com/
leave a comment or follow me, let me know you all are out there.

I also plan to get the book Opting Out! Thanks SAHMD. One of the things I have enjoyed most with being at home is being able to read material other than medical information without guilt!!!

hi!
i just went back to work after having a 2nd child and i wonder if i'm heading along the same path at you guys. i just can't figure out a good way to balance work and home life when i want to give 100% at home and to my primary care patients. i don't feel like i can relate to other non MD part time working mothers in town because the primary care system is set up to work against you if you are not in clinic every freaking day for such minimal pay. my neighbor job-shares her high school guidance counselor job with another women and has a very clear cut job description but that is impossible to find in primary care. mostly because of liability probably. i just feel like i'm in a profession that is going to fail me as a woman who primarily wants to be around for her kids and family but still use her skills as an MD to help patients. reading all of your stories makes me feel like i should quit while i'm ahead. my kids are only 3 months and 2 years so why am i killing myself to hang on to my job when in the end i doubt any practice is going to keep me in the long run if i'm only available 9-2pm once they start school? as it is now i spend my entire paycheck on daycare because i'm afraid to leave medicine but i can't understand what i'm afraid of because all the negative aspects of patient care outweigh the benefits of our profession on daily basis for me. i start my work day off fresh and happy to get out of the house and i come home every work day disgruntled that i left my kids to spend time with annoying patients and staff! will it ever get better?

I left practice completely and my kids are approaching elementary school age. I would say stick it out with some kind of part time work if you think you may have any desire to be a doctor in the future. I find my kids "needing me" less and with more time to myself. But I have no clear road "back in" to practice and I think it would likely be a "full time" commmitment to get myself there. I may be wrong, but I think if I had stayed in practice with some part time work, I may have had a part time position now which would be just about right. But the grass is ALWAYS greener, right?

thank you for the advice! you brought up good points i never thought of because my kids are so young and it's hard to imagine that one day they won't mind if i'm not there very second of the day, ha ha ha! as disgruntled as i am i suppose i can't say that i'm done with medicine for good so i should stick it out. thus far the practice hasn't pressured me to add more hours (although i've only been there a year and i can totally see it coming) so when/if that happens that'll be another post seeking advice.

hi sahm-doc,
have you looked into working urgent care? that would give you shift work with controllable hours. i am staying home this year with my baby, but i'm doing one shift per week as a va er moonlighter. just a thought!

oh i would love to try out urgent care but in my area all the pedi office stay open til 8 and do their own urgent care. the EDs aren't busy enough to staff a pediatricia so the adult ED docs see the kids. quick question...do you pay for your own malpractice in order to do 1 shift per week and would 1 shift per week cover malpractice insurance?

the va covers my malpractice.

Hiya everyone,
I have been a SAHM for four years now. I want to get back to work now as DS starts full time school coming September and dd will turn 2 next March. I am currently preparing for my French licensure as we moved to this country four years back. I would love to know if there is anyone in the same boat? Looks like I will need loads of motivation, commitment and support as its the way back to career is all uphill.

What advice would you give to someone contemplating quitting residency to become a SAHM for pretty much all the reasons which have been listed already? Would you call that cutting your losses or insanity? Let me know your thoughts....

I've been thinking about quitting more and more lately. CCSAHMMD, how did it go telling your mom? I have so many fears about quitting and honestly, how to tell my mom is a BIG ONE!

MammaDoc, I think these are the reasons to stay:

- you probably have student loans that will be hard to pay off otherwise

- the working conditions will probably get much better after residency

- when your kids get older, you will feel less of a pull to stay home with them

- after some time away, you may miss patient care

- you may find in the future that you need to bring in some money in order to support your family

- re-entry is difficult since there is no defined pathway and many people will doubt that you can do it

- re-entry is more difficult if you have not even completed a residency prior to quitting

Good luck!

hang in there mammadoc. residency doesn't last forever. you need to be 100% certain you never want to practice to quit now.

MammaDoc-
I agree with sahmd and maitai.
I have been home for 5 years after residency and now find the middle 5 points on SAHMD's list apply to me!

I'm so glad to read so many folks are taking their own paths! I took a year off between med school and residency and wouldn't give it back, and am so glad that I did b/c it's helping get through residency and not quit. I don't think I could go back to being a full SAHM, and having this personal knowledge is at time the only thing that has kept me from quitting. I just have to slog through 1 more year, then fellowship is much easier...I definitely plan to do what some of you are doing with minimal part time, or give up clinical medicine and just do some research or research consulting.
MammaDoc- hang in- you have so many more options if you just finish residency.. you could see if you can take a leave from your program, depending on it's size. Some of the bigger programs can absorb and handle this - I know mine has. You could then refresh, and finish, then take more time again to figure out what works best for you, but then have all your options.

I'm a stay-at-home and work-from-home mommy doc and over the last 8 years, I've been coaching physicians in all kinds of business development, career transition and professional situations.

Last week I started a new website/ blog at Women Leaving Medicine to learn more about and help address the challenges and rewards of being a woman physician who decides to quit practice (or cut waaaaaay) back. My first podcast interview with a psychiatrist/author mommy doc who quit practice years ago went up yesterday. Dr Berger has lovely insights to share.

I'd love to offer Women Leaving Medicine as a complementary resource to all of you here -- a place to look for inspiration and role models. I'm collecting the stories of women who have made this transition and figured out fulfilling ways to use their education, intelligence, and training.

I wrote a Manifesto (http://www.womenleavingmedicine.com/manifesto) that could use some feedback to truly represent what we SAHM women physicians feel about our roles and how we can continue to contribute meaningfully to our communities and society.

My long-term goal is to uncover as many resources and opportunities as possible for women physicians to do some gainful work to bring in some income WITHOUT compromising our roles as child-raisers, caretakers and self-nurturers.

If anyone has a story they'd be willing to share in a podcast interview over the phone, I invite you to let me know (there's a contact form on the site, and you can check out the Women Leaving Medicine Podcast Women Leaving Medicine Podcast page to get the link too).

I look forward to hearing from you :-)

Hang in there MammaDoc. Residency is so difficult and the hours are incredibly long away from your family. There is life after residency and jobs (including part time or job share) that are mentally satisfying professionally plus better hours to spend with family and take care of everyone including yourself. Residency is a small blip in time that seems like forever when you are going through it. Think long and hard about your decision, you debt and financial future and the fact that your family needs will change in time. Good luck, we've all been there if that helps any!

i whole heartedly support you CCSAHMMD!!!! you are doing an amazing thing for your family. i find many dual career families are finding it harder and harder to raise a happy healthy family all on their own these days and without help around the answer is usually 1 adult has to back down off the career ladder (whether it be temporary or permanent) in order to let your family flourish.

until my husband and i got married we were neck and neck in terms of our career resume--college/med school/residency etc. once we started having children we realized that my job in primary care just wasn't going to pay off in terms of sacrificing family time for income potential vs my husband's career as a specialist (to no fault of my husbands...for some reason the world has decided that primary care docs should get paid a 3rd of what most specialists make). so i made the painful and pride swallowing decision to hop off the career train. i work 15 hrs a week getting paid peanuts with no potential for career advancement but it allows me to be available for my family first and foremost so i am so happy. sometimes i wonder if i should have done a fellowship after residency but then i would have probably put off having my 2 beautiful children so i have no regrets! parents who put family first over career are sllent heroes in my book.

here's a weblink that may interest some of you:

www.womenleavingmedicine.com

I want to be supportive, yet realistic. I made a similar decision 15 years ago- 3 kids, Dr. husband, no time for family or marriage. Staying home was too good to be true. So tired of nanny's raising my kids. Then one day, years later, he left and now it is super difficult to go back. Without current references, noone will consider hiring a Dr who hasn't worked in years. Please consider trying to find a job that will allow you to work one day a week, even at a walk-in clinic, just to keep your skills current or volunteer at a free clinic one evening a week. Just something to keep in mind - even if he would never leave, he could get injured or die.

Hi-
Am a SAHM out for 7 years but need to start earning money and want flexibility. Can you share info on the Board Review editing job? I don't know how to get started.
Thanks!

That is great, BUT, it is VERY difficult to go back later. Things can happen that you don't anticipate, like spouse's death or divorce. Try to at least volunteer once a week at a clinic to keep your skills up, as mentioned above. Otherwise a re-training is required and its very hard to find/set up, time-consuming and often expensive. Just a word to the wise!

Hi! Good for you for starting the blog. Sorry not to contact you through the site but I was not interested in signing up for tumblr at the moment.

I too started a blog/free healthcare site (will possibly make it a paid service at some point just building a readership/following now.)

Love that you are doing podcasts! I would love to be interviewed for a podcast. What are you using to record? We are abroad at the moment... You can use SKYPE to record interviews to turn into podcasts. I intend to add podcasts the later part of the year.

Have a look at my site: www.expatdoctormom.com at my story: http://expatdoctormom.com/my-story/
and my journey: http://expatdoctormom.com/my-projects/my-journey/ for more information.

I am saddened that so many women are disenchanted with medicine. I still really enjoy clinical medicine. I had to put it on hold as until now there have not been any good venues for me to practice abroad. But hopefully soon, I will re-start here until our eventual return back to the USA.

Feel free to email me directly through my site: http://expatdoctormom.com/contact/

Regards,
Rajka

I want to add that I found a job doing disability exams. This is easy for any mom returning to medicine - they provide the office, malpractice, everything, you just pick the days you want to work, like one day a week or even just Sat.'s and you walk in, see claimants (you don't do any prescribing) and leave. You can dictate and edit the reports at home. I'm so happy! I am reviewing medications in an online course at home and when I feel comfortable will start back in practice. If noone will hire me, I will just continue doing disability exams and start my own practice by sub-leasing a small office one day a week until I am full, then add another day, etc.

That's great, Dr.I!