Has anyone else read this article or saw her interview on Oprah? What do you think? This is how my sister and I were raised-we came second to my dad in my mother's piece of the universe and are well-adjusted, loving, responsible people, what's everyone else's opinion on this?

See link below for the article

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1374327/posts

KJR

i dont' know. it ssems as if she is equating love with sex. i mena i am glad that she still has that kind of relationship with her husband but i don't equate an abundance of sex or lack thereof with how much we love each other ( thank God). but i do have a friend who just split up with her hsuband, i was shocked when i found out they were breaking up. i thought they were the perfect couple. i assessed why i thought this and realized it was because she was always tlaking about their great sex life. but now they are divorced so sex does not a great marriage make. she and i were sitting down talking about this very same thing and she said that her pastor addressed this topic in a sermon- some couples have great sex lives but never talk. sex is the way they communicate. again, not healthy either. it seems to me as with anything else, mariage should have a balance of sex, prviate moments, etc. but there are times when things do get a little unbalanced and whether it is sex or anything else, i dont' think that should be equated with how much you love your husband. just my :twocents:

Interesting article. I can't say that I feel the same way she does. I love my husband very much, but I would be just as desperately lost if something happened to him as if something happened to one of my children. Obviously, it's a different love, but I don't think the love needs to be compared or weighed.

I take exception to her desire to see a study that proves once and for all that her way of raising kids is the best, right way. I believe there are many good ways to raise children. If your kids feel loved and secure and have the chance to learn from you the things they need to grow up and be well-adjusted adults, then does it matter who you "put first" or whether you work or stay home or order pizza or cook from scratch? She doesn't need to feel like her way is wrong or bad any more than a mom who puts her kids first should feel that way.

EEEWWWW. I cannot say that I find anything in common with that article. I guess because I worked so hard to have my kids that I could not see them being second to a man. I also think I feel that way because my mom was married 4 times so I grew up knowing that men can be replaced but children cannot. And since I have had my own divorce I don't know that kind of passion or attachment to a man even though I got married again. Seems very odd to me. But then again, everyone has the right to their opinion, no one view being correct or incorrect. I just hope for the children's sake that they feel loved and that their mom really wanted them.

I'm sure it's possible that I will feel differently about Ayelet once I become a mother, but for now, I have to say that I love this NYT piece and the similar piece she wrote for Salon recently. Growing up, the center of our family was my parents' (sexual and otherwise) relationship. Their strong marriage was the very foundation of our family. Obviously, kids can thrive in a wide variety of kinds of families, but I certainly was blessed to grow up in a home where my parents put a very high priority on their marriage.

I couldn't get through the whole article but I can't really relate to what she's saying. I can't imagine putting a relationship with a man ahead of my child. But then again I'm a single mom. But if I was in a good marriage I guess I'd ask why do you have to chose one before the other.

Emily-I'm with you on that one, my parents' relationship was first priority in our home. I like to think it showed my sister and I what a healthy marriage looked like. There were kisses, hugs, and hand holding in front of us and it wasn't until I was much older that it occured to me that to many marriages lacked affection like we watched. There were times we were sent out to "play" for a set amount of time, knowing what I do now I realize they were finding time for "themselves". Having watched her interview in person on Oprah (DH always manages to program the VCR-I should learn but haven't) and was struck by her insistence about how to many mothers have developed intimacies with their children to such a degree that husbands are rendered to second, third, even fourth fiddle and then they wonder why so many divorces happen after the nest is emptied. From her interview I gathered that there are intimacies best reserved for husband and children are loved in a totally different way and that women allow themselves over the course of years to become asexual in their marriage beds . . . ? Sex doesn't make a marriage but it sure greases the wheels . What do I know? I've only been married 18 mos and became a stepmom to a 9 yo in the last year. I'm sure someone else's perspective would be valuable who has small children and been around the block a few times more than I. :twocents:

As old fashioned as this sounds, I believe in the biblical view that a wife's first priority is her husband, then family including children.

However, for step families I make an exception that the new husband and previous children are on the same "level" at first.

i was raised by parents who decided their kids came first, they never went out alone, never spent time together when we were little...and they kind of quit talking in those years, they split up when i was a teenager and i always thought one of the biggest thing was they just didn't talk or see each other as husband and wife anymore just as two parents...
it made me really worried about making the same mistake when i start a family but i was so raised to think that i would be a 'bad mum' if i didn't put my kids before everything all the time...it's really comforting to hear that it is okay to spend time without your kids etc...

hmmm... I feel compeled to write some more. It seems like the idea is that either you have a crazy passionate marriage that puts children second and are happily married, or you put your kids first and wind up divorced and/or unhappy.

I don't think it has to be that way. I've been happily married for 13 years, my only marriage, and we have 3 school age kids. Sometimes the kids come first, sometimes we come first. We go out on dates, we kiss, we joke around and tease one another. We also give up some of our personal time to be with our kids.

I don't think it has to be one or the other. Maybe that is her point, ultimately. Maybe she's pointing out that some women do neglect their marriages in favor of their kids. But I don't think kids should be ignored in favor of the spouse either.