i know that there are PLENTY of women and men actually going through medical school while having more than one child...i guess what i really need is advice.
i already have one child, a daughter who will be turning four at the end of this month. she's starting to ask repeatedly for a little brother or sister. it broke my heart to see her cry as her little cousin left our house today after a day-long play date. she said she wished he was her brother .
as a third year premed student, i know that medical school draws closer each day. of course theres a great chance i wouldn't get in, but say i did. i mean, putting confidence aside, i do believe i have an "o.k." chance of earning a spot.
how terrible of a mother would i be if i waited until after i finished my goals? by then, she would be app. 10 y/o .
i guess i wouldn't be too worried about doing so if my daughter at least did not mention it as much as she does now. is it awfully difficult to have 2 kids in medical school? i feel as if my load at the moment is enough for my husband and i to handle, but at the same time...my daughter is everything to me and i just want to provide her anything her little heart desires...provided that its doable and it is in the best interest of my family.
besides, my clock is always on and off which contributes to more confusion...ANY advice would be most appreciated.

Thanks,
Annie

Well, I don't have any advice, but I sure hope it can be done! When I start school next year, my kids will be 10 months and 3. I posted a note on SDN's allopathic forum and got a few responses if you want to check them out.

I don't think waiting would make you a terrible mother. You need to plan your family the way you want. If I recall, you are still pretty young and shouldn't have to worry about decreased fertility or anything.

Pam

Only you can decide this issue but I can tell you my story. Had first child 2 days before 2nd year classes resumed. Delibarately took 2 years to complete 2nd year due to multiple family issues including new baby. Finished in top 25% of my class. Residency was difficult--married to MD, lived 70 miles from hospital and small child, not to mention hours on call, etc. Planned to not have second child til after residency because I felt it would compromise my education. After 1 yr in practice began trying for child number 2 (at 36 years old)--infertility raised its ugly head. 2 years later I am in love with my new baby after 2 ivf cycles. Currently not working. There is a 10.5 year difference in the ages of my children. Not necessarily what I had planned (I've found nothing works out as planned) but my son is so in love with his sister I know they will have a very special relationship. He is a big help too. I never wanted the 2 year spacing "ideal", always thought 4 years or more would suit me better. Never imagined it would be 10 years! I'm not sure what to tell you. In your shoes I would probably wait to try for child 2, wait to find out what the challenges of med school are for you then decide if you can handle both.

thanx for taking your time in giving me your responses. i understand that i'm still relatively young (had my first really young) and that i have a great deal of time ahead of me...i guess its my daughter that i'm concerned about and its not really me whose tickin'. i remember posting on the old forum that MY clock was tickin, and i realized that most of the reason why i wanted another child so badly was for the sake of my kid. i've got a great husband and a stable family, so why not? it'll only make my daughter happy right? well, i'm figuring out that maybe a 10 yr difference won't be so bad after all, although i still have thinking to do. regardless of my many thoughts, thanks again for your input.

pam,
as i recall, you were trying for a child and there were difficulties with fertility? i could be wrong, but if that was the case, congratulations (again)! i would love to read the responses you recieved on SDN, so if you can get back to me with more info, that would be great.

jessie,
its great to hear that you were also successful in trying for a second child! exactly how is it having your kids 10.5 yrs apart? that may be the case w/ me. is it difficult having one kid "grow up" and then starting all over?

well, hope to hear from the both of you soon
til then...

Annie

Annie have a second child when you and your husband are ready for a second child. Remember that children are quite fickle and just because now she seems to want a brother or sister does not mean that later it will be the same. Having two kids versus one was a total differen ball game for me. I know that to some it seems the same workload but not to me. I have tons of more stuff to do, and my kids fight constantly (three years apart). They argue from the time they wake up to the time they fall asleep. I am not trying to pursuade you one way or the other, but having another child will change your live even more. With med school looming ahead, I would wait if possible and see what that is like and then if you decide that you can manage both a new child and med school then go for it. Another choice is having your second child now and letting med school wait. I have done the latter and do not regret it one bit. Both my kids will be a lot older by the time I start and much more self-sufficient. I am 36 and if all goes well will start medical school when I am 38. My kids will be 15 and 12 at that time.

efex101,

thanks for your reply! i'v heard in the past people have said to me...if you can do it with one child you can certainly do it with two! i'm leaning more towards disagreeing with that b/c as i proceed further academically (undergrad) it gets much more difficult. at times, i find myself stressing out about WAY too many things as little as those things may be (well cooked dinner, bathtime for my child, cleaning, etc etc) b/c my mind remains locked on my studies. i begin to wonder what it would be like if i did have that extra hour to study for the "killer" exam . i feel that maybe its ok to wait for the 2nd munchkin b/c i KNOW that the load right now for my husband and i is surely enough to handle (my husband is a business student so he studies a great deat too). however, everyone is different and there are those respectable "supermoms" that can do it. i'm just beginning to feel that i'm not one of them

i guess what it boils down to is more consideration has to be done. i concern myself alot over my daughter and what she wants...but i need to realize that i can't be so emotional but be a bit more practical. i don't think i'm willing to put med school off cuz i want that done and over with ASAP! my family is everything to me and i know as long as i keep my mind to it, my daughter will be just fine. whether i have my next sooner or later...she'll get her sibling. once again, thanks for your reply! i hope all is well for you and your family

PAM,
if you read this, i needed to ask you a question...i've tried for several days now to visit the SDN site via yahoo.com b/c i don't know the exact URL...but it consistently says that the page is not available. do you have any info on that? maybe i'm doing something wrong. hope to hear from you soon!

Annie

I fall on the side of doing what's best for the family...and that's a decision that only you and your hubby can make If you aren't ready for a second child, definately wait....I did my master's degree in molecular biology with three small children and I'm hear to say that it was really, really tough! I really was juggling to meet the demands of all of the children. If I had had one child it would have been challenging, but not as difficult. All of mine are different ages and meeting all of their needs was, quite frankly...impossible. I ended up feeling like a failure at home...and at school...though I did well, I could have done better. If you have a new baby, you'll need to focus the time and attention on them......and your studies will suffer...and sis might want a sibling now...but when the baby comes along, you may be dealing with jealousy as well...

Kris

caligirl, having a 10.5 year difference is great from my perspective. My son adores his sister, is just as in love with her as we are. So far, (3mos) there has been no sibling rivalry. He realizes she's a baby and her needs take priority. He is eager to help out--change diapers, go get things, hold her etc. Don't let spacing ideals fool you. I know a lot of people who later regret their decision to "ideally" space their children 2 yrs apart. There is no guarentee your children will be lifelong friends no matter what the spacing.

For those of you having problems logging onto SDN, here is a link that takes you directly to the pre-allopathic forum, this seems to work better than going to the main forum page. Good luck. SDN

wow! i'm getting such wonderful feedback from so many of you! thank you so much !

Kris, i know what you're talking about...the failure thing...there was a point in time where my situation got so difficult i felt i was a failure as mom, a wife, and a student. i felt that my performance in school was withering away...i even found myself becoming more and more jealous of my classmate who were not in my situation (having more time, etc). but i soon realized that i just needed to meditate and figure out a way to manage my time a bit better...but thanks for your input, you should be awefully proud doing what you're doing with 3 beautiful children!

jesse, i agree with you when it comes to spacing children. its a great thing that your son is so helpful and adores your daughter the way he does. i begin to feel that maybe my daughter will have the girlish instincts and be of good help when time comes for a new baby:) i went and visited a friend of mine today, she just gave birth 1 week ago. i caught myself staring at her brand new baby and thought...babies are so wonderful (blessings)...but also caught myself thinking that it was just not my time. thanks for your reply!

efex101, i tried using that URL and it worked! thanks for solving my problem.

well, as of now i'm on summer vacation (the only relaxing one i'll have in a loooong time), and i'm going to spend it wisely...FAMILY TIME . once again, thanks everyone!

Annie (from sunny southern california )