Feeling a little like a defacto single parent these days - and trying to juggle med school (pre-clerkship). Our limited family support is not getting us very far, and hubby for all intents and purposes seems like he is more work than help (he's studying for his college exams for his speciality). It seems like teething and day care aquired colds are going to be the death of me. I'd love to hear about any tricks that others found that really made the day to day easier (e.g. neat multi-tasking ideas, shortcuts on home and school stuff, parenting fixes). We're working on our routine (as long as we can stick to it reasonably well, we both do a lot better). Whine-whine-whine... though I think that might be the biggest problem (have no time and almost no one in a similar situation to complain too... ). All the other med parents I know well are dads (with SAHM), and all of my current classmates are not parents - plus I have no time to socialize with the family responsiblities... Ideas? Advice? Sypathetic gestures?

I am not a de facto single mom but..
I have been breast feeding my kid for the last 8 mo. It has been really really hard but I tell myself it won't be easy if he gets sick too often either. Also, whenever he is fussy, boob works like a magic.

shortcuts on home:
- do things when baby is awake. when sleeping, you should be studying, not folding laundry
- never talk on the phone or watch TV without doing something (folding laundry, cooking, something)
- cook huge quantities and freezer cook
- take cooking shortcuts (pre-made sauces to which you just add a few veggies, frozen pre-chopped veggies, etc.)
- put things away immediately so you don't have to clean everything at once
- make your kids pick up their toys before moving on to another activity (depending on age)

shortcut on school:
- listen to lectures while you drive or work out
- don't dwell on things that require a lot of time (like papers or presentations) but ultimately count for very little in your grades. Do your best, but give up on "perfection"
- in the same line, analyze where you get the most bang for your buck and plan your study time accordingly.

parenting: routine routine routine (with flexibility!)

Good luck. It will get better and will always be worth it anyway

I spent a year as a single-mom to three during residency (hubby transferred out of state).
1. Let it go. You can be sane, or you can have a spotless home, but not both. (and get a Roomba. best invention ever)
2. Reduce-- smaller home, smaller yard, less pets, etc etc.
3. Routine/ organization-- keeps you from forgetting things. Also a place to "set up" for morning-- ie: purse, kids bags, papers for school, letters for teachers, bills due, and so on.
4. Support system-- friends, family, paid sitters, cleaners... anyone who makes less work or less stress for you.
5. Faith: in yourself, in the idea that it is possible/ worth it, in the future- when it *will* be better.
Good luck!

I don't have too much to add (I'm mom to 4 dogs, no kids), but I'll second the Roomba suggestion. I have two and LOVE them. Best invention ever indeed.

It is hard hard hard! So many women ask whether they can have children and go to medical school etc. Yes, it can be done but DAMN....it ain't easy, not even for a moment.

Hang in there. If it's any consolation, there are many women in your shoes. I try not to get too resentful at my fellow residents who have partners at home. Of course, I'm jealous and would love to have someone taking care of everything so that I could actually focus on work...what is that like?

The thing that has helped me the most is to expand my support. I recommend that you pay everyone whatever you can to do everything for you (clean, laundry, childcare, cook, run errands, do taxes, whatever) so that when you have an hour free, you can spend it with your children. Stay focused and take one day at a time.

I don't mind being a defacto single Mom, having previously been a divorced Mom. As long as DH is willing to pay to make things convenient for all of us, it's cool. But if he bitched about ONE thing and didn't either chip in to help or pay someone else to do it .................... well, let's just say that he doesn't engage in this kind of temporary insanity very often.