A very welcome change indeed. I am going to try to walk at the botanical gardens once a week, and get to at least one al-anon meeting a week.

He'll be there the entire time. I'm really just playing it by ear... and distance isn't always a bad thing. We dated long-distance all through college and it really opened up our communication lines. So well in fact, I'm hoping this little stint will do something similar.

I've been working my tail off, so I haven't really had time to be lonely, but I've been awfully lonely with him here... lots of emotions to work through. I think the solitude will be somewhat good for me. And I do have some visitors coming - my sister will be here for 5 days on Friday.

I love my closet! (I had actually thought about turning it into a "sleeping closet" since it's dark and quiet and big enough to accomidate a twin bed. But I'd probably still have 2-3 dogs want to sleep with me, so the point would be moot.

We have a superwoman in our midst! I am truly inspired by your ability to handle everything that has been going on, continue working, and finding time to renovate your closet!

I hope things continue to work out for you- keep us updated and know that we are thinking of you! :grouphug:

Hi Popcorn. I was just wondering how you all were doing, since you have not updated in a while.

I hope everyone is ok.

Well, since you asked...

Things are sort of in a holding pattern. He's been moved to the "partial hospitalization program," which means he has a little free time in the evenings. I've sort of been dealing with life one day at a time. He sounds like he's getting better, and has managed to finally accept that he's powerless over the alcohol, so that's a start.

He's been talking about coming home for weeks now, and how much he misses me, and home... and I'm fluctuating between wanting him back so we can sort of reestablish normalacy (it's been a tough month), and worry that he'll screw it all up and the last 6 weeks (2 months by then) will have been in vain. So it's sort of complicated.

Work has been eating up a lot of my time, and I just started swimming lessons for the heck of it. (Well, not really. I've been toying with it for awhile... I can swim just fine, but not in a "get exercise in an efficient manner" sort of way. Which is what I want to learn.)

So really, just in a holding pattern, trying not to hold my breath, because we're going to be starting all over.

We'll see.

Popcorn
I hope you have a support network for yourself. Keep on doing that swimming, make sure you are making YOURSELF a priority. And even when he is doing well, keep going to Al Anon or a similar group (or counseling) because alcoholism is a disease of remissions and relapses. We are all rooting for you. I know I am not the only one who has been thinking of you these past weeks.

popcorn, I have tears in my eyes as I'm reading this. My father is an alcoholic. It's such a hard thing even to admit that. The line between helping and enabling/codependency is not an easily distinguished one. I don't know exactly what you're going through, but I do know that it's very hard. If you do decide to walk away, do not feel guilty. Yes, it is a disease, but it is a disease that negatively affects everyone involved, and if it is poisoning your life, you have to do what is right for you.

For his sake, and yours, I hope he is able to recover. You and your husband will be in my prayers.

You are such a strong and compassionate woman to be doing so much for him. As was mentioned before, many others would have walked away long ago. You are truly an inspiration.

Popcorn I have been thinking of you lately too and wondering how you are doing.

I heard this poem by Jane Hirshfield the other day and thought of you. I can't cut and paste it, but here is the link:
http://www.poetryarchive.org/poetryarchive/singlePoem.do?poemId=10741

Hang in there.

Well, it has been 7 and a half weeks since that fateful night. And his time there is drawing to a close.

Over the last couple of weeks, there has been dramatic change in almost everything. He's still at the partial hospitalization program (meetings all day, some free time in the evenings and then a couple more meetings) and he has a little more freedom. He's seen an endocrinologist and is finally showing some accountability for his diabetes. He has embraced the early steps, and admitted that he was sad to realize that the bottle of Norton we picked up on our first anniversary, that we'd been saving, he will never be able to try. Or ever drink again. The whole experience has been eye opening for him. He witnessed someone else having a withdrawal seizure, and realizing that it happened to him scared the socks off him.

He has admitted to a lot of things I never thought he would. He doesn't remember most of his parent's visit - he was blacked out for the majority. He said that he felt like he definitely hit bottom that week, that he just didn't care.

He's put on a decent amount of weight - possibly more than he's ever weighed. (He was down to 125 lbs, and for a 6' guy, that's saying something.) His parents flew down for a family weekend and they have a lot more insight into his disease now.

He calls me every couple of nights, and sounds much like the guy I dated, although lord knows that was a LOOONG time ago. We're going to have to start from scratch, but I have to admit that I'm hopeful. He tells me that he's only of only a handful of "straight alcoholics" at the program, and the majority did both drugs and alcohol. He turned in a guy who tried to buy an insulin needed off him, and sparked a surprising response of solidarity among the others there. (Several of whom confessed that they wouldn't have been able to say no, and probably would have relapsed.) Several of them have.

He sounds like he's got a plan. He certainly doesn't sound like the anxiety-ridden man I delivered there. His therapist is pleased, and overall says that they have done what they set out out to do, and he is as ready as he's going to be.

He has been told in no uncertain terms that he can never take benzos again. (No surprise.) He can never drink again. He must attend AA, find a sponsor, get a job, and he is building a plan for this.

For the first time in a long time, I feel hopeful. I have had my heart broken and my hopes shattered many times, but this whole experience gives me new hope. I'm going to bring him home next week. And we shall start a new chapter.

Or a new book altogether.
Thanks for the support, ladies.
One day at a time...

(PS. I can swim now! And he thinks that joining the YMCA and getting in shape would be good for him too. Yay!)

Oh, my gosh, Popcorn.

WONDERFUL.

I am so hopeful for you both. Thank you for inviting us in and sharing with us. We're all rooting for you and your husband, we really are.

What great news!!!