This goes back over 20 years---

At the mall near our house they used to have a large carpeted play area in the center. I used to take oldest son over there during the winter to let him "blow off steam". One day when he was about 3 we went there and he was running around and shouted, "Look at me mom, I'm losing air!"

Took Oldest Son to the doctor with Middle Son, who was born with congenital thyroid dysplasia and had to have his TSH monitored at frequent intervals when he was a baby. Oldest son reported to Dad later "The doctor made a hole in the baby's arm to let his tests out."

From a 3 year old patient with a red mark on her forehead--
"I bumped my head on the scream door and I'm getting a confection"

when I ask my son what the doggy says, he sticks out his tongue and pants!

Mom, "What does the doggy say?"

1 yr boy, "pant pant pant"

Here is another one I found in my little notebook. My older son was in kindergarten and was supposed to go on a field trip. The sound on the radio-alarm had somehow been turned to mute, so I woke up late and we ended up driving to the place. On the way I told him I was sorry that I had not heard the alarm that morning. When we got there my son ran up to the teacher.

Sweet Son: Hi Mrs. R., can I still ride back to school on the school bus? I was late because my mom turned off her ears.
Mrs. R.(looking at me with a quizzical expression): Your mom can turn off her ears? Who told you that?
Sweet Son: I think she does that because my dad sleeps next to her. He makes sooooo much noise.

The emphasis on "sooooo" was absolutely hilarious, yet embarrassing at the same time.

Husband to (then 2 yo) daughter: Come on, buddy!
Daughter: Daddy, I am NOT your buddy. I am a *princess*.

Hehe, I am a princess. How funny.

Not from my boy, but the following are FUNNY!

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? (written by kids)

You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff.. Like, if you like
sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the
chips and dip coming.
-- Alan, age 10

No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry.
God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're
stuck with.
-- Kristen, age 10

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by
then.
-- Camille, age 10

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the
same kids.
-- Derrick, age 8

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
Both don't want any more kids.
-- Lori, age 8

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get t o know each
other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
-- Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure)

On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets
them interested enough to go for a second date.
-- Martin, age 10

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?
I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers
and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.
-- Craig, age 9

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
When they're rich.
-- Pam, age 7

The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with
that.
- - Curt, age 7

The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them
and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
-- Howard, age 8

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
It's better for girls to be single, but not for boys. Boys need someone
to clean up a f ter them.
-- Anita, age 9 (bless you child)

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
-- Kelvin, age 8

And the #1 Favorite is........
HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a dump
truck.
- - Ricky, age 10

Haha... now that the marriage topic has come up, I just have to post this. My ethnic background is non-native to the US, and I still have family in the "Old Country". When my older son was about 6-7 and had gotten his first, very cute "I love you" note at school, my grandparents, who are still totally "Old Country", had launched into a full blown indoctrination mission - convincing my son that he had to marry a girl from the "Old Country". I admonished them a little and asked them to drop the subject a few times, but they still managed to drop a line or two here and there. As the school year came to an end, we began preparing for a trip to the "Old Country" (this was the kids' first trip there and we had been planning it for a while). So, on the 2x of May, I finalized the trip with our travel agent, paid for the tickets and went to pick up Son #1 from school.

Sweet: Hi love, guess what - I just bought our plane tickets to go visit the "Old Country" in July.
[Momentary silence and a look of panic on son's face.]

Sweet's Son #1 (extending his arms, with open palms facing me, as in a "stop" gesture): Wait, wait! I'm not ready to get married yet!

Oh that's hilarious...

My little girl doesn't talk yet, but on easter, my mom insisted on dressing her up in this ridiculous easter dress and taking pictures. DH puts little girl on top of his shoulders and everyone is paying attention to her and calling her name. She starts giggling and right in the middle of a gigle fit, barfs all over DH's hair, down the back of his neck, and of course, all over darling easter dress.

I was the one giggling after that. hee hee.

When my son was 4-5 we taught him how to use the phone and our home phone number in case of emergencies. Over the next year, we had the following phone "incidents."

1)Using one of our cell phones, he called from his room upstairs to our home phone to ask if he could come out of time out now?

2)He attempted to order a Bow-Flex by calling the 1-800 number he saw on a commercial, because "that machine gives you really big muscles, Mommy!"

3)He attended a birthday party where a clown was the entertainment. Probably in an attempt to increase her business, she gave each kid a sticker that included her number. Later that night, she called us to let us know our son had already called her a couple of times that night....gee, lady--what did you expect would happen when you handed out your number to a bunch of 5 year olds?!