I think all MomMDs are FURIOUS at your husband right now. I can't believe it. I don't mean to be critical (well, maybe I do), but does he realize how much work two newborns will be?

I already would be mad because he refuses to get up at night to help you, but this is just too much. I'm all about letting go of small things, but this would cause a HUGE fight in my house.

Good luck to you, sweetie. We all know you'll make it. It'll be hard, but you'll get through it. Soon, you'll be thinking the exhaustion, worries, financial troubles, etc. are a small price to pay for your two little wonders.

:grouphug:

Tsunami- just wondering but is your husband from a culture or even family that sees women as subordinate? what gives?

No, I don't think its his culture. He's American, going back 15 generations. He comes from a physician family, so I thought he would understand.

DH is the son of a orthopedic surgeon. When he was growing up, his father worked mostly as a trauma surgeon, so he hardly got to spend time with his father. His mom was a grade-school teacher before becoming a SAHM and always was there when he was growing up. Maybe DH's attitude is just playing up on those gender roles. Lately, his parents have been more supportive of the situation than he has been.

it may be more that his mom was a sahm and that's all he knows. but he knew that you were a dr before you married him, rgiht? have you tried talking to him about it? I hope that things work out.
how is the bedrest going? I am so tired that i almsot wish that i was on bedrest. however i can imagine that it would get boring after awhile. still it;s better for th ebabies. when are you due?

I've just discovered this old thread, started by TexasRose quite a while back, with lots of info for momMDs on hiring childcare providers. I wish I'd found it 9 months ago, when I was desperately searching for the first time! Anyway, thought I'd bump it up in case it may help someone else.

But even more interesting to me is Tsunami's plight BEFORE she had her twins... It's a gripping story! Tsunami -- I'm wondering how your story continued. Did your hubby step up after the darlings were born? How did you end up handling the childcare dilemmas?

Hi all, its Tsunami here,

I forgot about this thread. I have had a few phases of childcare arrangements since I last posted...

Well, to give y'all an update, I had my twins at 36 weeks, and they stayed about 1 month in NICU. After the babies were born, my mom quit her job and came to stay us. We paid her a "salary" each month and paid her taxes and social security. My mom's previous job was paid minimum wage, so she didn't mind leaving that job to be with her grandbabies. There would have been no way for me to complete my fellowship if my mom were not there, as DH was not very hands-on. I can probably count on my fingers the number of times he has changed a diaper. Because they were so small, he told me he was afraid he would break them. They are both healthy and turned 2 a couple of months ago.

After I finished my training, I got a my first job about 40 minutes drive from where my mom and sisters live. So we moved, and my mom went back home to take care of my sister's daughter, now 6 months old. Since I started working, I found a nice home daycare in our new neighborhood for the twins who are now 2, and hired a lady, somewhat of an "evening nanny" to stay at the house and clean, cook dinner, and take care of the kids after they get home in the evening until I get home from work around 7 or 8 o'clock. I drop the kids off in the morning and my husband picks them up. The twins are still waking up several times during the night for bottles of milk, either because they are thirsty or hungry. I take care of them during the night after I get home. So when DH is home alone with the kids, he does so with the assistance of a nanny. He is more involved now and helps them with dinner, the bath, getting changed into pajamas and does the bedtime story.

DH likes the new area but was disapointed to have left his job and friends. The move was hard on him, but we are adjusting. My job is busy and I have been dealing with my own time management issues at work, mainly staying too late doing charting and phoning patients about their results.

Do any of you feel like your brain hasn't been the same since having children? Is it permanent? or is it just sleep deprivation?

Thanks for the update, tsunami! I'm glad that you did figure out a way to make things work for your family. Congratulations on having 2 active and healthy toddlers! I'm sure they bring you immense joy. Hopefully your husband will step up to the plate more and more as the twins grow older; I've seen several "manly" men have difficulty with babies but become fabulous, very involved, dads to their boys later on. Well, mine has been sluggish since I first got pregnant 3-1/2 years ago! I feel like my head is 85-years-old; I forget things all the time. :banghead: And on those rare occasions when we do go out for dinner, I have the most trouble calculating the tip, even if it's just doubling the tax! (Previously, mental calculations came easily, unless of course I had enjoyed some wine or cocktails! But of course that doesn't happen anymore either, as I've been either pregnant or breastfeeding since 2005.) Hopefully this old brain will improve someday, but I've no idea, since, with a 5 month old and an almost-3 year old, I've been in a constant state of sleep-deprivation for the past 3-1/2 years as well. Good luck to your brain!

Hi tsunami! wow... I must have been pretty mad... I put a lot of mad faces! Sorry - I really don't hate your husband

Congrats on the kiddos and thanks for the update.

I have a 5 mos old... brain still recovering... hope it gets better!

OK - now I have my own nanny/au pair question...

Anyone dealing with crazy schedules for both you and your husband?

I'll be going back to 3rd year starting the end of June. Hubby has erratic schedule... sometimes out of town 4 days, sometime up to 10 days at a time. In between he can be home anywhere from 4-10 dd at a time.

My question is -- how do I cover long days and nights with an au pair?

We have absolutely NO FAMILY in the area

Any suggestions? Also - pls PM me any agencies that you ladies found helpful to find live in au pairs... (I don't think I can afford a nanny)

thx

On my last flight, I was seated near a woman who coordinates au pair placement for an agency near where I live. So she talked my ear off about au pairs for awhile and I have to admit, she was a powerful saleswoman ... it sounds great. We don't have an extra bedroom, so an au pair isn't an option for us, but wow, they're cheap! And flexible. The woman I met also said that in the case of some countries, it's possible to extend the au pair's stay by 6-9 months if the placement is working out especially well. If we ever manage to move to a bigger place, we'll consider getting an au pair.

But merri, I can't see how an au pair is going to possibly work out for you. They are contractually limited to a 45 hour work week. Unless you're planning to do a daycare/au pair combo? That might work. Maybe the au pair could work early in the morning, late in the afternoon/evening and at night when you're on call? But I would be surprised if daycare + au pair is much cheaper than a nanny. I don't know where you live, but here (HCOL area, to be sure), full time daycare for an infant runs nearly $2K/month and an au pair is something like $350/week. You could probably get a nanny for $3500/month.

It's a tough problem you have, and you have my sympathies ... I'm sure you'll find a good solution!