Can I just tell you a little about what is going on here? My son was a preemie born at 29 weeks. I suppose that is why he is so suceptible to things. He has had one ear infection after the next since August. He is supposed to get tubes in his ears this coming Monday.
Last night I put him to bed, and he went to sleep so quickly! I was so pleased. Then in about 2 hours he was awake and screaming but it didn't sound like him. I knew something was really wrong. I went in there and picked him up, and he was soaking wet and not breathing well. He had thrown-up and aspirated some of it. We just got back from the hospital a little while ago. He is still feeling bad and sounds pretty raspy, but his chest x-rays looked pretty good this evening.
So...I am just overwhelmed! I am behind already in school, and I am going to get more behind because of his surgery next week. My house looks like...I don't know what...and...and...and...

I'm just tired and beside myself. I need a plan of attack. I need a nap. I need a healthy baby. I am really worried about him. Sometimes I feel like I am just waiting for the other shoe to drop with him. My mother thinks I am doing a terrible thing by "leaving him to become a doctor". Guilt trip---I can feel it tugging---even though I don't agree...

I just needed to vent. I'm going to bed now...without doing my lab report for tomorrow.

Natalie

Natalie,

Vent all you have to, we're here to listen and offer our support. Things can get pretty stressful especially for us mothers who have to juggle with an ill child, house chores, lab reports...

How old is your son? As he was born a preemie, it seems that he does need your full attention and care. If he is still quite young, maybe you can consider putting your quest to a medical career on hold. I waited until my daughter turned 2 before I started taking all my premed courses. Up until then, I went to school part time, taking only the easy GE courses. Even when my daughter did turn 2, it was pretty difficult b/c she had started daycare and you know...daycare will get your kid sick quite often. I think we've visited the ER over 5 times since then.

I would just like to let you know that we are here to support you and just to take it one day at a time. Although it's normal to feel guilty, as we all do one time or another, try not to. So long as we balance our priorities and our children know they're #1, things will be just fine. Of course, we'll have to go through the tough times but in the end, when our kids are grown, even they may find it in their hearts to be proud of us. In a way, it's setting a good example...at least I think.

I hope you feel better and make sure you stick around here. You'll find that alot of us have many things in common with you.

My prayers are with you and your family. Take care,

Annie :wave:

Hi Natalie,

My heart goes out to you - you have so much on your plate. I just want to let you know that things will get better. Our daughter got tubes last January and she immediately improved and was feeling great. They really help alot! The procedure itself was very minor (though still hard to let a little one go at the OR door, I know :weeping: ). But definately worth it - the improvement was drastic.

I hope everything goes well for you all, and I hope you get some sleep. Coping skills increase greatly with a nap. I'll be thinking about you and sending good e-vibes your way .

Mimi

Hey Nat! Can't give you much advice on this one as I was lucky that my little one was three and half when I started my post-bacc pre-reqs. I do, however, know how difficult it can be when you have mom telling you that you shouldn't be doing this. I, too, had mom putting me through the guilt trip of my life by deciding to do this. "It is not fair to him"- she would say on a regular basis. "What are you going to do when med school starts and you have no time for him?" "You should do the PA program instead." The list goes on and on. I still, at times, have the "guilty mommy blues" with what I am doing. It is not like I am sitting in a bar on a daily basis or in prison for committing unspeakable crimes, right? I am just hoping that when he gets older, he will actually appreciate what I have done and he will be a better person for it. I am hoping that he. too, will see that with dedication and perserverance, that anything in life is possible. I will continue to try to be the best mom I can, and that is all I can hope for. Trust in God (or whatever higher power you may believe in). With his help, you can do this. My prayers are with you and your family. I hope all turns out well with your son. Eventually, you will see the light at the end of that dark tunnel as well. Try to get some rest and try to keep plugging through. It can only get better, right?

Hi Natalie!
First of all, let me commisserate with you. My baby wasn't a preemie but from 6 weeks on he's had breathing trouble. I don't think I really slept for fear that he would need me the first few months.
Where are you at in your school career?
How is your communication with your instructors? If you haven't already, let them know what's going on. There's always the possibility of getting an extension on the lab report since you were at the hospital with the baby. Most instructors I've worked with and/or had for my studies would work with you.
As for the house, forgetaboutit!
Just make sure the garbage is taken out and you have a sanitary kitchen to eat in. Leave the bed undone because you need to crawl in it when the baby naps anyway.
Do you have friends and/or family nearby? Call them and don't mince words. Say, HELP! If they're worth their salt, you'll have your help. Don't feel guilty about any of it. The situation you're in would be exhausting on anyone. It doesn't matter whether you're working, in school or stay-at-home mom, you need help when you have a baby, especially a preemie.
I wish more of my friends would call me when they need help. Unfortunately, most women feel that they have to do it all and don't call for that important help.
Just devise a plan to carry your homework around with you in a backpack just in case you get a free moment (during the surgery it will be a great diversion).
If it gets to be too much and you really don't have enough help, would it be too detrimental to withdraw and start over next semester?

By the way, what state are you in?

Just my :twocents:

Natalie, I know you've been going through so much lately. My heart goes out to you.

I'll tell you what happened to me in my premed path and maybe you can get some solace/peace/hope.

I was half-way through my (post-bacc) prereq's 7 years ago when I got pregnant with my twins. I had a 18 month old at the time. Try as I might, I just couldn't manage the mental workload and the strains of pregnancy and a toddler. I had to drop my chemistry class and struggled with Physics.

After they were born (35 weeks), they just required so much time and attention that it was 2 years before I was able to get back to that Chem class. (I took Calculus at a CC just to feel like I was making progress at one point) After finishing Chem II and Org I, we moved and I was overwhelmed with guilt for wanting to complicate the kids' lives by trying for med school. So I just quit trying for a couple of years. I wasn't happy about it, but I was struggling to keep the family sane.

I'll get to the point! They started Kindergarten this year and I went back to finish those last 3 classes! The kids are old enough to be excited for me and to understand that I need to study. My family (who critized me before!) is 100% behind me now. The pieces are falling into place.

What I'm saying is, things didn't work out the way I planned them 6 years ago. My family needed me to do something different, but I'm still getting to the place I want to be! I'm applying to med school this summer.

It doesn't have to be all or nothing. If you can get through this semester, do it. But if circumstances are just too much right now, don't feel bad if you have to take a small step back.

As they say on Oldpremeds.com, this is a marathon, not a sprint. You are in it to finish the race. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself and your family. Med school can happen for you!

By the way, don't let the negative messages sway you. You can be a good mother and a doctor. Going to school is not abandoning you child.

Good luck. We are here for you!
:grouphug: Theresa

Thank you so much. As upset as I was last night I have caught some breaks since then. Caleb seems to be doing better although he is still wheezing some in spite of albuterol, and he is running a temperature.

Thankfully I thought to look in my planner last night before I laid down and I had forgotten that my lab was cancelled this morning! I have another week for that lab report. And my professor said she would take my biol lecture assignment that was due yesterday tomorrow.

My husband cleaned the kitchen AND is in there cooking dinner as we speak! We even got a nap this evening.

So I suppose we'll live...

Natalie

Hang in there, Natalie. I don't have any great words of wisdom, but I'm pullin' for ya!

Peace~
Lindsey