I am a third year pre-med student and scared out of my mind! I have four children ages 6,4,3,and 1. My husband and I are seperating so I am going to be doing this on my own. I am just wondering if there is anyone else out there who has gone to medical school under similar circumstances. I am afraid of missing out on my kids childhood. I don't want to get into med school and learn it is next to impossible to finish. I feel like I am being selfish and might end up sacraficing my childrens happiness to achieve my goals. I would really appreciate some advice and encouragement.

Do you have any family nearby?

I know a second year who's family is about an hour from where she is going to med school. Her 4 kids live there with her parents and she lives near the med school. She spends weekends and breaks with them. She tried commuting to med school, but that didn't work well.

Its not perfect, but also not a horrible option.

janet,

i agree with melissagray. family can be so supportive and provide lots of help and love. it would be a great deal easier for you if you had family close by. the key word here is *help*, help, and more help. there is no saying that it cannot be done, because with the will and strength and determination, it can!

you may also want to research medical schools that you may be interested in applying to and see if they have childcare programs on-campus or close by. for instance, the universtiy in which i attend has several programs and even an elementary school on campus! those kinds of factors can also be of great help...the only thing is it costs money, and if you have it or can get it by financial aide, go for it!

another possiblity that you may want to consider (if your willing to) is wait for your children to be a bit older (the youngest in grade school). it involves patience as you would have to sacrifice years to finally persue a career in medicine, but it is a possibility and plenty of moms do it!

sorry for the rambling, i wish you all and your 4 children all the luck!

annie

Where is dad going to be? Does your divorce mean that your husband is not going to be involved in the kids?
I have one child and during medical school my husband and I were divorced. He moved away so I was going through my clinical years (3rd and 4th)keeping ever changing and difficult hours and trying to provide a stable home for a 5 year old boy. I hired a nanny. I had to take out more loans to be able to afford her. She was trusted and a life saver. It is difficult to trust a complete stranger but if you can find a nanny to watch your kids and you trust her, it makes all the difference. My nanny did not live with me. In fact she had a nicer place than I did. I paid her $800/month (she had another job). For that, she would come over at 4 am when I had to leave for rounds, pick my son up after school. Sometimes my son would stay at her house if I was on call in house. She'd prepare dinner. She was an emergency contact if something happened to my son and I couldn't get to him for some reason. (I was totally alone, without family and all my friends were med students.)
I would check into that option. Probably you'd want a live in nanny who can drive. The place you live could be big enough to allow her own room and thus cost you less. Another option would be to utilize your family heavily, that is if they lived near a medical school and it was agreed upon by all.
Med school is very tough. You'll be inundated with information that you must digest in short order and understand. And you'll have feeling of guilt for not being able to spend much time with your kids. But the important thing would be to make sure your kids are well cared for and the time you can spend with them be quality time. Sort of "it takes a village to raise a child" philosophy. Get comfortable with entrusting others to provide care for your kids and do the best you can. Your kids will turn out great with such a strong role model as you, who can put herself through med school and ensure a nurturing environment for them.

hmmm...strange, i never really thought of that. of course things would be definitely easier for you if ex-hubby was close by. that way you may even consider joint custody provided that it is in the best interest of your children. if your husband had the children half the week, you could get your study time in, and when you have them make the most of it as a mother...of course, still working hard towards your medical schooling.

well, i hope things work out for you. best of luck .

annie