I am curious to know your parenting styles, and note I do not mean beating a child, but like smacking hands, or dusting the diaper.

I believe in spanking. But I will be the first to admit it is only the preliminaries. Sometimes it takes a swift smack on the backside to get their attention, and then we progress to *behaviour modification* My kiddos are such little imps! If they are really in a mood, after I give 'em a swat they turn around and give me a wicked little grin. :boggled:

I have learned that what works with one child, does not necessarly work with the rest. With my boys I could impose the harshest punishment I could think of, and I'd still be beating my head against the wall. And my daughter is so soft-hearted that if you look at her cross-eyed she bursts into tears. :boggled: You just have to figure out what works for each one.

I try to refrain from spanking my kids. I was spanked as a child, even whipped with a belt leaving petechiae on my legs and bottom from the lashes----now called child abuse. I would never do this to my kiddos. I dont claim to have been abused, my mom loved us very much, would do anything for us. That belt thing was a learned behavior from her father and so on.
I dont think it is the best way, becausing we are teaching the kids to hit in anger or when things are going right---to hurt. Yet, I still do this from time to time. I honestly believe it does teach violent behavior, and encourages lack of self control. And I still do it sometimes, it is a conditioned behavior for me, I guess. Im still working on other ways to deal with things.

By the way, does anyone else remember those switches moms got from trees and left those 1-2 leaves at the tip, for that extra snap...or the notorious flip-flop?! :bigmouth:

Dana,
I will say this, If you intend to spank, you HAVE to make sure YOU are in control. There have been a few times when I sent the children to there room, until I could calm down. Truth be told, on those occations they usually didn't get spanked at all.

Diana,
Oh yes...I never spank them hard being out of control. For sure...I do send them to the room, have to lock the door though, or else they will run out. My mom doesnt like this idea, but you know what? Im not lashing them with a belt!
And they are only in there for a max of about 5 minutes...they come out, a little later, they are back at it again!

My mother and father really did not spank me. I know she said it was because I was good most of the time. But she did spank my older brother and sister. I do remember the time I was 13 and lied to my mothers face. I was not suppose to be in my friends house when the parents were not home. She slapped me across my face in front of my friends. I did deserve it.

As for my little ones. Yes I have but not very often. My older dd just needs a look and she knows. My other dd pushes me to the limit. But all I have to say is go sit on your bed for a timeout. She can not stand to be by herself. Now for my ds, he is only 19 months. So we usually repeat NO several times and then put him on the couch for a 1-2 minute timeout. As I write he is trying to test me. What is a mother to do?
:weeping:
Michelle

This is a tough issue....My husband and I were always very anti-spanking, attachment parenting oriented....but we have resorted to spanking from time to time. I don't feel good about using that method to parent, but at the same time in certain circumstances it seems to be the only thing to work.

For example, my 4 1/2 year old wouldn't leave the baby alone. Any time I turned my back he was trying to pick him up and carry him. No amount of talking, time-outs, etc had an effect on him....so I finally gave him a swift spank on the behind and haven't had the problem since.

I was raised in a family where physical violence was the norm in terms of discipline. This was usually done in an out-of-control way and so I am very sensitive to the issue. I fear that I have a potential to lose control like my father did...so I try really hard to discipline without spanking....that being said, I have spanked on occasion....

kris

You know...I was spanked as a child, and I turned out great!! I never snuck out of the house, never ditched (a whole day) of school , I used discretion with regards to choosing my friends, by boyfriends, and having sex (or not). I am a strong, smart woman...and I can remember getting my ass kicked on several occasions (and even in retrospect, I totally deserved it). I'm not violent, :twocents:

I spank, but very very rarely. It takes alot out of my daughter to warrant a spanking from me or her father. The spanking is usually quick and on her bottom. After her discipline session is over, it always becomes clear to me that she's learned her lesson and understands how it is a must that she avoids what it was that she did, and to better herself. Seeing that, I usually apologize to her for spanking her. I tell her that I hate more than anything to spank her, or discipline her in general... so, therefore, if she could please try to behave herself so I wouldn't have to do it anymore. Spanking sucks on both ends, but I don't disagree with it entirely.

I have to agree with you on this on Mya!

My Grandmother cracked a yard stick in two over my butt once, but you know what?...I learned that G-ma meant bussiness, and I never tested her again. That was literally the first, and the last time I had to be 'delt with' by her. My Grandmother was (she's descesed now) a HIGHLY loved and respected woman in my family, but EVERYONE knew that G-ma doesn't take crap off children. She only whipped PRN ( )I only ever heard of ONE of 8 children getting a whipping by her...but whoa unto that one! Rumor had it that her hand print was still visable on his cheek days later. Some may think this is abuse, but she raised 3 boys and 5 girls who had nothing but honor for her; not like many kids today, who disrespect thier parents, and other authority figures. Like kids in school. I hear a LOT about kids cursing and utterly disrespecting teachers in school. Back in the 'old days' when whipping a child wasn't a crime against humanity, children were MUCH more respectful.

I'll be honost, I was a child from hades, and as a teenager, I was down right disrespectful. Had my Mother not gone up-side my head when she did, I would have had NO FEAR of her or anyone else! Yes she used the switch, and even the belt, but you no what?...I deserved it. AND it was the only thing that got my attention. I was too young to appreciate WHY she would tell me that I could'nt have it my way all the time. But I DID appreciate the belt.

As someone(s) stated, it veries child to child. My brother AND my sister were 'good' kids, so they can count the whippings they got over their life times on both hands (I need feet, hands, digits, etc.). Mom dished it out as required. She would go to her roon and cry after spanking any of us, but it was needed, I believe. It helped to stop us from heading in the directions we were headed in, which I'm sure society can appreciate. I became an RN, and will soon be an MD, my sister is an assistant Pastor of a church, and my brother is a film producer, and manages my Mom's bussiness.

Discipline is DEFINITY neccessary.

For my (unborn) children, I plan to start with the lesser and progress to the greater as required; i.e. start with and progress to: "No!", timeouts, hand poping, butt poping, and finally butt whipping if problem persist.

The overall goal to me is to get the child to stop doing things that will hurt them, and society in the long run (being disobedient, disrespectful, lying, not doing the things they're responsible for doing, like homework, housework, etc.) And I will get this accomplished - for