I have lots of questions -
- What was your relationship like before he took this new job?
- Was there frequent intimacy/every time you saw each other?
- Did you feel close emotionally, even if most of the emotional realationship took place on the phone?
- Did you show affection in other ways - holding hands, hugs, kisses, flirting/being playful with each other, laughing together?
- Has this changed since the newest move?
- How often do you usually see each other - every weekend, one weekend a month? How often do you talk on the phone?
I, too, think it sounds like he's found someone else. Maybe he's not formally cheating yet, but there may be someone that he might be feeling close to lately, closer than he feels to you, and he might be wanting to start something with them...or just comparing his attraction to that person to the lack of closeness he feels with you, making him either disinterested in intimacy with you, or feeling guilty for his desires for someone else, also making him incapable of intimacy with you.
I don't want to be upsetting you, but you have to face this as a strong possibility here.
I had a long distance relatinship for about 3 years with my husband prior to marriage, but have lived together in the years since marriage. It is very hard to sustain an emotional connection when you don't see the other person every day. But we were able to do it and when we did see each other, let me tell you, sparks would fly. In a way, having to keep up a connection long distance in the past makes residency a bit easier - he's okay with me being gone overnight on call Q3, working lots of weekeinds - we have a trust and a closeness that is still maintaned even if we don't get to spend nearly as much time together as we'd like.
But 10 years of living in different cities is very hard...I have to say I've never heard of anyone making it through something like that. Part of it sounds like he's inflexible in commuting, letting you commute, or taking a job where you are - marriage is about comprimises and he doesn't seem to be much good at that. You are now finally a point where you can be together and now he is pulling away - I hope that maybe he will at least let you move out there and see how it goes before giving up.
I have to wonder also...if you look back on things has he been trying to get out of this for some time and you're just not taking the hints? Was the refusal to move near you supposed to push you to break it off with him? Was asking you to take a year off and not start school immediately something he thought surely would be a "deal-breaker" fight? And then when you did it, made that sacrifice for the relationship, he now goes opposite that and says he doesn't want a family - now throwing out what he hopes to be another "deal-breaker" for you?
I know a man should come out and say it if he wants to end a relationship, but are sometimes too whimpy and would rather force you to end it.
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