Hi all,

I am a 37 year old mother to three children (2, 4, and 6). I have a BBA and MBA and have worked in non-profit, investment banking and consulting. My husband is a dentist in solo practice and a huge support. I have spent the past 1.5 years taking prereqs and have applied for fall 2003. :crossfingers: Still having a few doubts though, but it may be just "waiting" nerves... :scratchchin:

I'm 39, a private practice neurologist for 8 years, I have 2 sons age 9 and 6. My husband is a private practice oncologist who works incredibly long hours and is essentially married to his job, with us on the side. I can no longer do it. Double MD marriages are horrendous, and the woman is usually the one who pays the price. I am ready to quit, except that I have only one partner, and work in a underserved area. My partner would probably commit suicide if I quit. My kids are paying the price for all of this. Did I really go through all this training so my kids could be raised by strangers? It was fine when they were little and their needs were simple, but at their age they need a full time mom. I am struggling because I was given too many gifts in life- the talent to be a good physician, the even greater gift of my wonderful children, and a husband who makes enough money that I don't have to work if I don't want to. Mine is essentially a problem of luxury, but a heart-rending one. I don't think I would choose this career path if I knew then what I know now.

Well, I've been a member for about 4 years but until now, only read stuff, never posted. It's very interesting to read everyone's stories. I am married, mother of two children, ages 11 and 5 and a full-time family practice doctor for the past 4 plus years. As you do the math, you can see my son was 1 when I went to medical school. Would I do this over again? I don't know. Would I encourage anyone to do this, especially female? NO. My niece is in medical school right now in her 3rd year. I tried to talk her out of it. Even after her first year I told her she could quit then and only be 20K in debt. (My sister thought I was being mean.)

I have a very supportive husband who is not a physician. He just quit his full-time management position a few months ago and is now focussing on remodelling our house, taking kids to/from school, etc. Life is not a bed of roses. I have no idea how people who have two full-time careers manage with kids. Well, actually I do. You have a full-time nanny and live with it. The thing is, I don't want someone else raising my children.

There really are all sorts of issues I could address that fall under the "not like I thought it would be" category. I work 50-60 hours a week plus call. Two days of the week I work 7a-3p so I can get home before 6:30pm which is my average time to get home on days I work until 5. I've had to "explain myself" to an insurance company twice this year regarding patient complaints, neither of which had any basis and the insurance company agreed, however...It still takes time and energy (and emotional toll). The first one was like a kick in the teeth. Patients complain about everything and anything.

Now, mind you, I've wanted to be a doctor since I was six and I truly feel called to do this. I enjoy people and I enjoy helping them. I've just learned you can't be everything to everyone all the time. You really can't "have it all". No matter what you are doing you will be neglecting some part of your role. Good doctor-bad mother/wife and vice versa. Some of this you just have to learn to tolerate and as long as things are basically clicking along I can roll with it. Then something falls-- a kid is sick, a lady is in labor but it's your child's star performance in the school play. Your colleague wants to talk about work stuff after work, but you know if you stay and do it it will mess up dinner/homework/bath/bedtime. You name it, it happens.

I suppose what drew me back to this site was the deal about Dr. I Deality vs. Dr. R Eality because that is the truth. I like what I do. Some days I love it and some days I hate it. Every January I want to do something else (everybody's sick and grouchy). I still owe over 100K for my education. Ideally I'd like to practice parttime but that's not possible at this point. No matter what, I'm still my kid's mom and there are times I'm going to be home with them when they are sick because I'm their mother. My husband can handle it mostly, but sometimes I just want to be the mom. The consequence to that is a full day of patients rescheduled (where?), etc., etc.

I decided to post because I think it's important to hear the truth. One of my friends and I were lamenting our student loan burden toward the end of medical school. He said he had a mentor tell him not to worry about the loans. That they wouldn't be anything in a few years, no big deal, etc. We both laughed wryly at that. The fact is, people who went to medical school ten plus years before us did not have near the loan burden and it was not nearly the big deal it is now. I could go on, but I've got patients to see.

Best of luck. (sorry. I didn't see the little faces until now. Maybe next time)

All right. I'd like to add an addendum to my initial remarks. The truth is there is no clear roadmap ahead of us doctor-moms. And double doctors (married to doctors) is even murkier. There are many hellish jobs out there (some death by inches, some death immediately), and I stumbled into to some of them (and stumbled out). And I would agree- although many women get 'warnings' about the personal demands of medicine, you don't really know until you've gotten there & have your kids & you learn what things will be like. The face of medicine is changing with so many women physicians (who are still doing most of parenting, school, homework etc). I do think it's very important to draw lines & not to dump on your family, or bail when you're running yourself & family into the ground. My private practice is the best I could have ever dreamed of-- and it also meant I could be there for one of my kids who was having difficulty in school (we are homeschooling him too). I do think more women mds can do what I'm doing-- and would be happy to share. You can't take all the patients, you do have to limit your practice, but it is possible to make it work. I don't know anyone who is doing what we're doing (my husband included-- we tag team looking after our son-- gifted with learning difficulties)...but this combination is better than I could have hoped for. I can also make all my daughters' school shows. This is totally the way to do it. Fernette feide@neurolearning.com

I'm 39, divorced with three kids (14,11,6). Currently an MSII after working clinical lab/ Med Tech for 15 years. It is true that you cannot do it all, but sometimes you have to anyway. I didn't HAVE a choice to stay home w/ my kids - I HAD to work to support my family. I did so, and now it's MY turn! :yes: Although it is a juggle to be in Med School with kids, I will have the "luxury" of getting into practice just as they are getting ready to leave home. I won't have the "when can I have a baby" blues. Thank God!

Howdy Everyone!

I am an MS0 at UT Southwestern medical school. I will be starting in August, and my husband will be starting his 3rd year here in July. We have decided that we won't just settle for the already discouraging life of a double-doctor marriage, but we have set it up so that we are 2 years apart. This means we will be 1st/3rd years together for both medical school and residency, and we won't be eligible for the couple match. Besides that, I am excited to be embarking on my medical education - it has been a long road to this point. I am 22, and have a B.S. in Biomedical Science. We don't have any children, but are practicing parenting with our two cats Yoda and Fungus and hope to add a dog to the family. Isn't it sad that owning a dog is a scary prospect for a medical student? I am an outspoken supporter for changing the residency match system and residency regulations. I just hope things change before I get there! This site is great, and I look forward to hearing about life on the other side of those four torturous years known as medical school.

Lauren

Hi, I'm Jill, pediatrician for 3 years (finished residency in 2000) and, more importantly, mom to 6-week Flynn!! I do love my job but am having a hard time thinking about going back to work. I am currently trying to work out a part-time schedule with my two male partners. Fortunately I have a wonderful husband of 1 year (we got pregnant on our wedding night - oops!) who is willing to be a stay-at-home dad. I wish I could take more than three months off but financially that's impossible. Student loans are the problem... Does anyone have any suggestions on a good work schedule for a new mom(ie, afternoons vs mornings etc.)? I am completely new to this site and the mommyhood but love both!

Hi :wave:

I am a 28 yo single mommy of a beautiful baby girl - now more than a year old. Wow, time flies!

I am a part-time sophomore pre-med at the University of Evansville. I also work there full-time to pay for it. I am trying to find ways to pay and go full-time, but each 4 hour class is $2000. :boggled:

Brandi

My name is Teri and I am currently getting my undergraduate degree. Not sure in what, I'm thinking sociology but it could be different tomorrow , but I know everything I do can either impact them in a positive or negative way, so I try to stay upbeat. We live in NE, which is a great place to raise a family(cost of living, safety). And that is about it.
Teri

Goody, introductions! I'm a 28-year old Post-Bacc Who Should Know Better :p . My dad is a plastic surgeon who finished his training in the Army after they drafted him and then stayed on for another 24 years. He retired into private practice in 1995 (one of the worst times in terms of HMOs) to a state with a notoriously lousy Medicaid plan (Tennessee). So I've seen a lot of the ugly involved from that perspective.

I've been working at a major teaching hospital in NYC for the past 2 years, first in the office of the Chairman of Pediatrics, then in an Endocrine clinic, now in the Pediatric HIV unit. I, uh, learned at lot from the first experience :censored: , but I really love what I'm doing now.

Most of my work centers around adolescents; doing outreach counseling and testing, publishing a newsletter, helping with group sessions and tutoring for the HIV+ teens, etc. Every now and then I get to help out with some clinical research for kicks. :cloud9:

I'm doing the Physics/Gen Chem part of my post-bacc work, with Organic Chem/Bio scheduled for next year. I'm very excited about the Bio; I'd like a better understanding of CD4 receptors, nucleoside vs. non-nuc reverse transcriptase inhibitors, etc.; not to mention all the really wild stuff I saw in endo clinic!

As for my home life, I'm married (almost 3 years, but we've been buddies for over 10 years), two cats, and a mortgage that lets us live super-cheap about 30 minutes north of NYC. DH and I are feeling very ready for a little kiddo, but we'll probably try to wait until 2nd year of med school (assuming I make it in!). He works from home and is VERY committed to being the primary caregiver--which is really the only way I can imagine myself able to handle being a full-time MD and a mother. I swear I wake up every morning and thank God for that man!

Sorry for the novelization--I was an English major in my "past" life and I type 70wpm!