I'm a very young mother of a beautiful baby girl. I love her so much and want to be the best mother possible, but I want to be a doctor as well. Right now, I'm taking by gen ed classes at a community college and living with my mother. This week and next, I have 100's of test(well, it seems like it). I'm a good student and studying my butt off. I don't think I could get any studying done if I didn't have my mother helping me, though.
Next semester, I'll be transferring to the University of Oklahoma(about 2 hours away). I don't know anyone over there and won't really have any help, except daycare while I'm in classes. My mother doesn't want me to miss out on all of college life and thinks it's going to be too hard to move away to school with a baby. I don't know how I'm going to do it either. She wants me to leave my precious baby with her, and just drive up on the weekends. I don't know what to do. I hate that I have to miss out on normal college life, but I couldn't stand not being a good mother.
I didn't really have a choice between adoption(I thought it would be better) and keeping her. I love her to death, though. I have this "ideal" picture in my head of what a "good" mother should be like. If I had a child, I would be that. In my mind, a mother's life is her child--NOTHING else. That's probably why I haven't been out in 1& 1/2 yrs and I'm not even 18. I even took a semester of internet classes so I could stay home. She's my responsiblity. I think if I leave her here and go off to college, I'm not doing what I should be. But I don't know how to do it with her, either.
I don't think my mom is the best to be raising Madeleine, either. I don't like the environment of the house. I have a 5 and 7 yr. old brother and sister. There are a lot of fights and loads of screaming. (My brother has a lot of behavioral problems)
Well, the main point: I don't know what to do. I wouldn't even have considered it before, but now the thought is lingering.
I would really like your opinions. Please.

First let me say that I admire your commitment to your child. This is a terribly difficult situation to be in. On the one hand, your child's future depends on what you do with your life. A college degree can be an important avenue to creating a stable future for the both of you.

Is a school 2 hours away your only choice? I'll be honest, it will be very difficult for you to go to school and take care of your child alone. You have to consider what happens if she gets sick and can't go to daycare. When do you run errands? How heavy is your course load and homework? You can do it, you just need some careful planning and a lot of flexibility.

You've got to decide what's best for you and for your child. Is there someone who knows you and your situation that you can talk to? A mentor, school advisor, minister? Someone with your best interests at heart who is not directly involved, like your mother is.

None of us can tell you what's best, but we can offer moral support and :grouphug: !

Good luck!
Theresa

Thanks so much for your reply and support. I'm pretty sure I'm bringing her with me. It's not like I'm going to get to see her a whole lot when I am a doctor. I want to spend as much time with her as I can now, while it's still possible.

AND- No, the school that's 2 hours away isn't the only option, but it's the best. There are 2 colleges in town, but they are private colleges. One semester of tuition only there is more than one YEAR of tuition+fees+books+housing+food at the one 2 hours away. Plus, it's the school with the med school I want to go to, so it may be a way to get my foot in the door.

I know I'm biased so take what I have to say with a grain of salt!!! There is no way I would leave your daughter! I was fortunate to be able to stay home with my children when they were little (although at the time I didn't consider it to be the privilege that it was). I had no idea at the time, of the storm that was awaiting us. When my son turned 7 he was diagnosed with a rare disorder with an unfortunate prognosis. We had no warning, no idea that he carried this disorder. As I look back over those early years, I treasure each moment I have had with my children. No one knows what awaits our childrens lives. And no one knows how long they may have with their children. If you knew that you might only have 7 or 10 years with your daughter, what would you do? Certainly we need to plan for the future, but don't sacrifice the present....... you don't know what the future may hold.

p.s. give Madeleine a big hug!

Thanks so much Cynthia! I will. We had a great time tonight. We went to the mall and she got her first baby doll. Then, we went to the movies. Then we came home and danced. Well-she's only 9 months--so I was doing the dancing and she was just cracking up. I will cherish these moments.

You sound like great mother! And the fact that you are putting such deep thought into what is best for your child is to your credit. You sound very mature and focused.

Go with your gut instinct, and if that is to take your child with you then do it. I am sure the university has family housing and daycare, just by being in that environment you will probably meet other young mothers. You will make friends and build up a support system, you sound like you have a positive attitude and a good head on your shoulders. Good luck!

Don't forget that during really busy times (like finals or what have you) I am sure Mom would love to have her grandbaby visit for a weekend or even a week. Just because you don't need all the help doesn't mean you won't be able to use some of it. Be grateful you have a family that is willing to help, it will make a ton of difference.

Good Luck!

~Teri~

If you can make some connections quickly when you get to college I think that would really help. For example, could you find a church (or whatever your relevant group is) and talk with the appropriate person about getting connected to a great family who might "adopt" you and your daughter? We have an adopt-a-student program at our church and it's great. I think a lot of people would be sympathetic to your situation and so proud of you for making the choices you are making to pursue your goals and to care for your daughter. If you could connect to 1 or 2 families who might be willing to help out in a crunch, or have teenage daughters who could babysit, I think that would be a big help so you wouldn't be so isolated and so pressured to do everything yourself. I wish you the best!!!

That's a wonderful idea, psych! That thought had never crossed my mind. Hopefully I will meet people quickly and build a good support system.

Thanks everyone for your comments! I really appreciate the support!

I would really like to know if anyone else has been in this kind of situation.