I know, right?

Most of us know how difficult it is to "do it all." And we realize thru our own experiences that we can not 'do it all...all at the same time.'

This is pretty much the essence of this website...trying to find that balance, when to have children, how they change your life, the self-sacrifices, support of those of us who find ourselves 'in over our head', and for those who'd like to be...etc.

Having children involves choices and sacrifices. Of course I'm not suggesting that she (or any of us) not try to do the balancing act. But most of us realize that as we do, we end up not being quite the doctor/student we'd like to be...AND not being quite the mom we'd like to be, as we 'attempt to do it all.'

When a woman decides to have 1, much less 5, children, I believe she has a responsiblity to consider their needs above her own desires. Once they are older...then she can do other things.

We have many outstanding women on this website, such as mommd2b, SAHM, path, etc., who have done just this. Not because they didn't have the opportunity to be doctors (or because someone told them they couldn't/shouldn't)...but because they put the needs of their familes before their own (as a mother should).

I admire these women...because they were able to make the selfless choice, and do what's best for BOTH their children...AND their (would be, potentially inadequately cared for) patients (had they overextended themselves and half-ass done everything).

If you don't want to be a mom, don't have children. Once you have children, your life (for a period of time) should be about them first.

Besides...as a mom with babies at home...why would you jeopardize yourself (your safety) by becoming VP? Travel to Iran...becoming a target...involving yourself is such complicated and risky situations...

...it's like bungee jumping with your infant on your back. It's irresponsible, IMO.

She has a responsiblity to her children that rank higher than her own desire to 'get a good job.'

And so many of us on this board know firsthand what that's all about.

Regarding help and support with the child(ren)...
...no one else can be the mother, ever.

How many kids does a woman have to have to be considered "not being there for them", 1, 3, 11? And why do we NEVER characterize working men as "choosing their jobs over their children"??

I'm going to assume that she's smart enough to do what Mom Scientists, Doctors, Judges, and 100 work week Beauticians do when they have heavy work loads and that is count on that "villiage" of nannies, grandma's, ect to help raise their families
True, but is seems ONLY women are expected to.

Thanks for the compliment! :goodvibes:

I can't speak for SAHM and mommd2b, but to be perfectly honest, if I could have afforded top notch support, say for my Dad when he was terminally ill or for my daughter when her retarded 4th grade teacher was trying desperately to put her in special ed, I probabaly would have gone to med school. And I don't think doing so would have made me a lesser parent or doctor. In fact, the idea that someone was taking good care of my family would have likely made me a better student and allowed me to focus on business during "business" hours.

I think the point with Palin is that to get to this point, she MUST have had a solid support system and that as VP I'm sure her support will be even better.

I agree. Without knowing anything else about her, it did immediately make me lose a bit of respect for her already when I found out that she not only has many children but one who is a special-needs baby AND she accepted the candidacy for VP. It's not a choice I could have made as a mother, much less one with a new baby. While I applaud women who choose to have demanding and successful careers as well as motherhood, running for VP of the United States requires an exorbitant amount of time and traveling away from home. IMO, there is no way that she can "be there" for her family during the campaign period. Although it's true that the children will be fine if she has enough support at home, it certainly won't be their mother being there for them for quite a while, especially if she is elected. I'm not saying that a woman with young children should never have an important or demanding career, but in Palin's particular situation, it does appear that she may have to sacrifice at least some of the needs of her young family for this "opportunity of a lifetime" job.

Wow. I am not sure that I know how to begin to contribute to this debate.

I supported Hillary Clinton. I believed in her healthcare plan and many other policies AND (please forgive me) I was also thrilled that finally a woman who works hard, supported her husband, took a back seat while he worked his way to the top...was finally having the opportunity to find this success on her own. What devastated me about Hillary's loss was not that she lost...it was how she was treated.

Sexism appears to be the last acceptable form of discrimination. Yes, discrimination still exists for all minority groups...but for the most part, it is discouraged, looked down upon and generally not considered acceptable. It became a sport though to talk about Hillary the bitch, her emotional state, the tears, is she sensitive enough/too sensitive, is she going through menopause, imagine having a woman going through menopause with her finger on the red button, where did she get those pantsuits...Kmart, what does the color of her pantsuit say about her personality,she looks like a bumblebee in that outfit... blah, blah blah. It is perfectly acceptable to call her the ballbuster...the nutcracker...and to sell a nutcracker doll of her...funny even, right? She was criticized for not leaving Bill and then was subject to comments that she was racist. It seemed to never end.

There are people who cried and fainted when Obama talked.....I cried sometimes when Hillary Clinton talked. It was about more than politics or policies...it was also about being a woman and a mother and struggling for equality in all areas of our lives. I am at a point in my life where I just want to stand up, rip off my bra, burn it publicly and scream "I am woman, hear me roar!"

I love my children dearly. I am so happy to have a big family. Watching my husband have the successful career that I always dreamed of is very hard for me. I HAVE made a lot of sacrifices and they have all come without the recognition that what I do everyday is important, challenging, frustrating and difficult. I am "just" a sahm. Many people view that as a choice made for me because I simply don't have what it takes to go out into the real world and work or create a career for myself.

Working women suffer through the same kind of criticism. Look at all of the medical students, residents, fellows and attending physicians here. They struggle every day with how to balance the needs of their family and their career choice.

I don't agree with Sara Palin on a single, solitary issue. Actually, when I found out that she believes in creationism I nearly snorted pop out of my nose (sorry to offend!). But...as a mother and a woman, I have grown to have a deep respect for women who work and have small children. Part of that respect has been because of my membership here at MomMD.

I see how much you all love your children and are trying so hard to make things work.

I didn't leave my small babies in the care of someone else...BUT...I chose that for myself. I have no problem at all with a mom who makes a different choice. In my heart, I truly believe that the med students, residents and docs here who have that choice to make are no less of a mom.

Yes, Sara Palin has a 6 month old baby with Down's Syndrome. She took him to work with her in AK after he was born, took time off to get him to his appointments and tried the best that she could to balance it all.

She just got a once in a lifetime opportunity...the 3am call to be John McCain's running mate. This is history in the making. Do you turn it down?

I have to be honest with you here. If, even after everything that I went through with my pregnancy with Zoe, the U of MN had called me when she was 6 months old and said "Hey, Kris...we have a spot for you, can you be here tomorrow"....I would like to think that I would have said yes.

As women and mothers, we have to really take some time to digest this issue before coming out publicly with our thoughts. One of the reasons that women have not been able to rise to positions like president or vice-president is because we can not stand together as a united front. We are so busy pointing our fingers at each other and our choices instead of recognizing that we are all in this together...sahm, working mom, mom with a 9-5 job, mom working 100 hours a week...Imagine what would happen if we supported each other. If we weren't so busy tearing each other down, there wouldn't be just 18 million cracks in the glass ceiling. There wouldn't be a glass ceiling.

Sorry for the long ramble.

Kris

When I posted my last post...my thoughts about being a "good mom," I was very nervous that I would totally get blasted!!

I can't say what I'd do if offered this opportunity. And honestly, possibly would take it too. Possibly...but not probably.

I've been so...emotionally involved in this election (even dreamed about last night); and need a 'safe place' to talk about what I feel (and help me formulate my opinion). A place where people aren't overly political (and tied to parties just because they're a member of said party, without thinking or discussion).

Thank you so much for not attacking me ladies!!

Thank you so much...cuz I was afraid to log on and read your comments this morning.

I've been waiting to hear your thoughts path for multiple reasons. In addition to knowing your story, about your dad, daughter, etc, I feel like I know you. Also b/c you're actually going to (probably) vote for McCain...and although I used to think he was cool, after the primaries (and him getting in bed with our idiot president), I changed my mind! And 'insulting women' by just simply adding a female to the ticket, didn't help change my mind.

And Kris...I know your story. Adding your perspective is very important in helping me understand the issue entirely. And you are *so* right. Both of you. Men have a different reality. Hilary was treated unfairly (totally). We need to unite to be more effective.

So...do you think the mere fact thta she's a woman will motivate you (any of you) to vote McCain/Palin?

er doc...

It is such an emotionally charged issue, isn't it? I know what you mean about needing a safe place to discuss it. I don't really know who to have these conversations with anymore either and I have a lot of thoughts/feelings this election cycle too.

We're all in it together...talk away!

Kris

erdoc, I understand where you're coming from. For the record, I'm one of the voters that was on the fence with McCain until he chose a more conservative VP. I considered voting for Hilary if she was the Democratic candidate. I didn't see a big policy difference between her and McCain. Since she was mistreated the way that she was (among other reasons), I wouldn't even consider Obama. Sarah Palin being a strong, tough MOM (and politician) sent me right over the edge for the ticket. With what I know currently, I'm on board with McCain for making an intelligent (for his base voters) and historic (for women) choice for his VP. You realize that if she is VP, that she may likely run for president in 4-8 years?! Potentially against another woman! What a historic place we could find ourselves in! Instead of picking between two males, we'd be able to vote for the woman of our choice! We can finally stand up and say, "We are half the population, we deserve at least half the ticket!!"

Kris, I was waiting to hear what you had to say. I couldn't agree with you more. Though I'm a younger generation (and without kids), and I have a husband that was willing to do for me what you did for your husband (be a sah-parent so I can live my dream), I feel like ripping my bra off too. I'm DISGUSTED that every time I talk about being a doctor people insinuate/outright accuse me of being a deadbeat mom to my future children. My husband is the "hero" of the story for volunteering for the full-time dad role. What does that make me? The villain?

Kris, my husband made the very same point that you made. He said, "I've noticed that men simply disagree and move on. Women have no unity! Who's going to be calling Sarah Palin sexist names? WOMEN!" - I was initially offended by his comment but when I thought about it, he's right! The only people to tear me down and discourage me from my dreams and accuse me of being a bad mom have been WOMEN! My supposed "sisters!" God forbid I achieve something they haven't, or chose a path they wouldn't chose... or I become a "bad wife/mom/doctor."

Don't we believe in EQUALITY? Shouldn't Sarah Palin be allowed to make choices in her life without ridicule or judgment? Or, because she's a woman, are we allowed to judge and disrespect her choices without knowing the situation in any detail?

Reading this thread, I can't help but think about Joe Biden. If I hear ONE MORE NPR commentator remind me how he took the train home every night, I WILL PUKE. Of COURSE he took the damn train home, people! He was a single dad who had chosen to continue his senatorial career. It's not impressive or noble or whatever ... it's the bare freaking minimum.

It burns me up no end that Joe Biden is lionized and Sarah Palin is viewed with suspision ... especially given that Palin's kids have two parents to share the burden of their care and didn't just suffer the traumatic loss of their mother in a tragic accident.

Emily... LOL
Another point... Sarah Palin does not have 5 infants at home. The ages are: 19, 17, 14, 7, and the baby. Note: the two oldest would not be following her to the White House. That leaves a 14 year old (old enough to help out and independent enough), a 7 year old (the same age as one of Obama's daughters), and a baby. She has a husband who can be there to support her children when she can't. The very same way many of us have (and will) be working moms: with a husband at home.

If a resident with a teenager and two younger children can work an 80/hr week at the hospital, why can't she work an 80/week as VP?