Gosh, I feel bad for posting this, because I'm sure I'll get a bunch of flame posts, but I wondered if anyone has any tips about handling your spouse's call better. This month has been brutal, Q3/Q2, and I just get so incredibly lonely during his call (normally it's Q4 and I'm still lonely). I don't have any family in the area, and pretty much no friends, and even with a full-time job I come home and just sort of sit on the couch, kind of aimless.

I really want to start handling this better, because the call won't get any better even when he's done with residency, and it's been three years of handling call already with intern year and two years of residency, and it hasn't gotten any easier whatsoever. Tonight, for instance, I just broke down and cried for a short amount of time, I just felt so lonely and the apartment felt so empty.

I lived alone for four years before we got married, so I am very used to living on my own and coming home to a silent apartment at the end of the day, but for some reason since getting married, being home alone in this apartment (not the apartment I had when I lived alone) seems ten times lonlier than when I lived alone, for some reason--I really don't know why. Which is also weird because now I have pets whereas before I didn't, and have loving animals around should help make things better--and it does, somewhat. I guess it's also because when I lived alone, we'd have marathon 5 hour conversations on the phone each night, whereas now it's a quick 15 minute phone call each night if he can get away and that's it.

We're moving this summer after his residency is done to a whole new city where I don't know anyone and I can imagine that the situation isn't likely to improve unless I figure out a way to handle this better.

I take an art class after work one day a week, and I'm looking into another class/group I could do once a week, but haven't really found anything yet so far.

Any advice on handling a spouse's call better?

Hi lawtomd,

First, you should visit this website, if you haven't already. You'll find many people in the same boat as you, with similar concerns:

http://www.medicalspouse.com/forums/

Second, I think you should find an activity that will give you a sense of purpose. Sometimes boredom is more about lacking meaning than about lacking activities. Do you do any volunteer work? If not, then I highly recommend it. Find something that involves working with people, somewhere you can contribute your skills. You should benefit from this activity as well. Some things that come to mind are human rights groups, adult literacy, homeless shelters and food banks.

You know how medicine is very appealing to many people because it's a noble profession where you hope that you can make a difference and help people. But, there are actually many areas where you can do this and this is precisely what you should be doing. You are intelligent and well-educated and you seem to have the right intentions. With all the time on your hands and this sense of boredom, you have no excuse not to give back!! :yes: