I was just thinking today how miraculous it is, how far I have come in life. How lucky I am to have made the decisions I have made and actually have followed through with them. Im posting this today to let you in the world that surrounded me, to give a better picture to those soo far away from this world, and see what the obstacles that many people face since birth. It is almost safe to say "not a chance" kids have growing up in this world and so I begin:

There's a world I will call the "West Side". Where there isnt much morale, money,....beer bottles, garbage, dirty diapers litter the streets. The average family income is probably a max of 15,000/yr.Everyonehere is familiar with drugs, coming from a family who has never used them or not. It is not uncommon to hear neighbors talking about what kind of drugs they will be doing tonight, how they are going to sell welfare benefits for cash money. Gunfire is not too much scarey when you hear the sound echoing from blocks away but certainly you better get down and ly flat if you hear a speeding car with its lights dim. I was 22 when my neighbor's downstairs apartment got shot-up from a drive-by. Luckily no one at the house or near the vicinity were harmed. Must of been a bad drug deal gone wrong--somebody got ripped off in his or her drug cartail. Allthewhile, Im plugging away at college, living off of grants and school loans. Poor as poor can be, but rich in opportunity that I found somehow existed.

See, I know these people and this environment so very well for many of my family memebers are apart of this world but let it not reflect me. Unlike many others, I moved away from this world in a calm and somber place. I still visit the west side as my family members still remain there, and each time I leave I wonder how I have ever made it and what little chance the children in my extended family and the other children of this particular world at having a reasonable life.

Just the other day I was visiting and I had a family member ask me if it was okay to roll a joint with my children present. "Absolutely Not!!", was my quick reply. I was not shocked, I grew up in this world and saw many things a child should never witness. It did anger me, since it is well known that I am totally against drugs and things of their world. Despite having grown up in this type of normalcy for this world, I have never been such a fool to believe it is normal to the world I always wanted, the world in which I now live in. It is such a pity...let me continue:

I walk out of the house to bickering, and cursing. It was a cousin of mine whose husband deals drugs up in the face of a well-known small time drug dealer and user uncle-in-law of mine. Apparently, it is accused that this uncle put my cousin's 12 yr old son into stealing some of his father's marijuana and selling it to him (the uncle) for dirt cheap. Unbelieveable. Terror and sadness raced through my heart. What the heck is a 12 yr old boy doing obtaining drugs in his own home? Why would you want a son to know you use and deal drugs? Where is the respect for the children? And to the uncle-in-law who is well-known to coerse kids to do dirty deeds for his benefit, what in the :censored: is running through your mind? These are just some of my stories. It is so upsetting. How do I give this children a chance when their parent or parents, let alone anyone else is denying them an opportunity of a quality untainted life from the get go? What can I do besides being a role model? Is their blood on my hands?

Not a chance I say, do these kids have. How was I ever given the chance?

Thanks drheidi for your reply.
So your brother does not have cusody then, huh? It sounds like a good idea. I dont know how sane-raised people end up in an insane world just as I dont understand how people raised in the insane world ever get out. I dont know how the heck I pulled it over, I really dont. I think I experienced the average family values from friends in high school who werent from my neck of the woods. Their parents were my role models, yet never knew it, as I didnt at the time.
The problem with a lot of these kids is both or their sole parents are not right. Like my cousin's children, there are 3, they all know what drugs are, that they are sold, and where their father keeps them. I know they know. The only way to help them would be to remove them from that household, even still, that may not work, they are older, have problems at school and have seen soo much already. The issue that needs to be addressed is dealing with their home---the parents. It is horrible, it is like these children are being made to walk down death row. Some parents do care if their children would be taken away yet allow their children to witness drug use and other activities. I just dont understand. In a way, I feel somewhat guilty for knowing happenings and not calling social services on those in my family. I try not to cause conflict and hurt.....but who other than a sane person can step in to try resolving this awfulness, to try and secure these children's futures? Would I do them more harm than good now that they have seen it all, and it is *normal* for them? Could I or anyone else ever erase their upbringing. The *ghetto* is in them. I just dont know.

Thanks for hearing me out.