Hello, my name is Jennifer and I am still really new to this forum. I've been reading many of the journals here and I feel inspired to share some of my life as a premed...
I moved out the day I turned 18 and headed to college. While I was there medical school was the farthest thing from my mind. Mediocre grades was all I strove for. As long as I passed, I was happy. The effects that mindset had on my GPA was detrimental at best. I was in a very negative relationship and lets just say I don't know what I was thinking. At all. Anyway, I dropped out of school to work full time because money was more important at the time. Luckily, he and I broke up and I moved back home for a while. My best friend for the past nine years convinced me to go back to college, so I transferred to a closer school where I knew more people and had a support group. My major is Exercise Science with a concentration in Wellness & Fitness, I am doing a premed curricula as well.

Med school has always been in the back of my mind. It is just something I have always dreamed of doing. I guess I never really tried my entire life because I was too afraid of failing. If I didn't try, then I knew I wouldn't succeed. Failure is a big concern of mine. I still have not technically declared premed along with my major. This is something I am going to do next semester, after I bring my GPA up some. I guess I am embarrassed and I don't want to be told that I am being ridiculous and I have no hopes of getting in. I want this--bad. My life feels like it is on the right path. Now, my only concern is the question of whether I can really do this. Am I really smart enough?

I have always held the medical profession as one of the most difficult to obtain jobs due to the intelligence it takes. Some days I think I can do it, others I don't. How can I, a girl who never tried to do anything fabulous her entire life because of fear, do this? Its like I've never achieved anything, at least not to these standards. There is a little voice in the back of my head that constantly tells me that this is something that will never happen. I'm fighting that voice like crazy.

I am currently volunteering at the hospital. I am not really doing much there, I have to find the time and a better position. At least I'm there and trying though. Also, I have applied for a position in the ER as a secretary. I'm hoping that I will get a better look at some behind-the-scene actions... I just have to wait for a call back. Hopefully it will be soon, this will be an excellent job for me while I'm in school and I can't express how much I want it right now.

I'm taking an easier course load this semester. This is my first semester back after a 1 1/2 year hiatus. I'm already excited about the classes I'm taking next semester, which are going to be considerably more difficult. I'm taking Human A&P I, Chem 1110, Pre-Calculus, and Volleyball (for fun and exercise) next semester. It is going to be just the beginning and will really test whether I have the tenacity to do this. I figure, if I can't handle that course load then there is no way I can handle the load I'll have in med school. I'm just nervous. I really don't want to fail.

Well, I am signing off of my first journal entry. I'll try to update often, but I don't give promises on that. I have to be in the mood to write, otherwise nothing comes out.