Okay, so I have been logging in to this site for over a year now, mostly when I am in need of support. I think I just need to remind myself that I am not the only one struggling to achieve my goals. I know I can do it, but sometimes you need to be reminded that you can. :goodvibes:

This is where I am still not totally sure what happened. I loved my job, but was also overwhelmed by the sheer responsibility of physicians. I also was worried as I watched residents run around for 36+ hours straight while they were 36 weeks pregnant. I knew I wanted a family, but also wanted the career. And I was sure that I was not mature enough to handle it all at the age of 20. Then, while reviewing my plan for the upcoming semester, my advisor looked at a B in O chem, and said "You'll never get into medical school with that grade!"

So 2.5 years into undergraduate studies, I changed my major. I graduated in Social Work and Criminal Justice. Why? So I could help people. :yes:

I graduated, and we moved back to my hometown. I got a job working in an after school program that focused on youth in gangs. The "toughest of the tough" so to speak. I spent days advocating for youth in school and being the one person they could trust. In the afternoons, we ran an after school program that provided area youth with a positive place to be. At night, I was bored. I enjoyed my job, but did not really feel challenged. And after a few months in the "real world", the desire to become a physician kept creeping into my mind...

I got a few promotions and worked my way up to a management position, but honestly, I was bored. I need a challenge, and I felt like the work was more common sense than anything else.

Around this same time, my husband and I, who had been trying for a while to get pregnant, finally sought out help. I focused my energy on becoming a mother, and after fertility treatments, a few losses, and a lot of tears and frustration, I was pregnant and past the 26 week mark. :goodvibes:

So I went back to the local university, met with a professor/advisor who said "Of course you can do this- it will require hard work, but you can do it!" :yes:

I enrolled in a "test" class that very day, and started two weeks later. :rotfl:

The next three years were quite a struggle. I LOVED being in biology classes again, and even enjoyed O chem, which was my nemesis during my first undergrad run. But I also had to work 60+ hours a week, sometimes more, as I took on more leadership at work. And silly me, I also was involved in service to the community.

But I enjoyed all of these facets of my life, so it was worth the added stress. The hardest part was leaving my little one(s) every morning. Seeing that sad little face in the arms of someone else was very hard. I think the worst day for me was the day that my son called his babysitter "Mom". Thankfully that only lasted for a few weeks!

After my first semester "test" class, I was elated to find out that I had gotten an A in the class and felt more confident in my abilities. I had found out we were pregnant again that semester, but still signed up for classes that spring.

Spring semester was more difficult (My 10-lb babies = huge belly!)