Hi Everyone!
I've been a lurker for a while now and I thought it was about time for me to start writing a journal.
Here is my story:
I went to medical school right after college and met my husband who was then a fourth year medical student on orientation day. I fell in love with him right away ....needless to say I spent more time with him than studying! He matched in Nuero far far away from where med school is located but he did his intern year close by. Middle of second year I became pregnant and much to my suprise he wanted to keep the baby which we did thank god--I can't imagine my life without my older daughter who is now 20 months! I took a leave of absence from med school, got married, and spent the rest of the year at home being miserable and pregnant since my husband had to finish his intern year about 3 hours away from home. We didn't live together until our first daughter arrived. Being without my husband for much of my pregnancy made me horribly depressed. I also decided that no one else in the world would understand what I was going through (having a baby out of wedlock) so I shut all of my friends out.
In the meantime, my husband decided to pursue IM instead of nuero in his hometown so that we would have the support of our family while raising our daughter. This particular decision had made me feel guilty for so long now and I'm not sure that I'll ever fully forgive myself. My husband seems to enjoy IM and has never once suggested that he is unhappy with this decision.
My in laws are both doctors and are very busy with their practice so they weren't all that helpful while my older daughter was growing up. They live 5 min away and almost systematically only visit her 1x/week. Anytime we have asked for them to babysit they have never been very gracious about it. They will bring up the fact that they babysat for weeks to come and always add "your welcome!" I always make sure I say thank you whenever they do something for us but they are just sooo obnoxious!
Anyway I am getting off topic here! I did manage to go back to finishing second year (which luckily my dean let me do) when my older daughter was 6 mths old. It was the hardest thing for me to sit in class and know that she was in daycare! I made it through second year and baam we found out we were going to have another baby. I decided to take another year off and stay at home with my older daughter and study for the boards. We ended up sending my older daughter to daycare for couple hours each day so that I could study. I finally took my boards and passed! My younger daughter arrived and I just love her to death! I just love being the mother to both of my daughters but at the same time it is so isolating to be a 25 year old mom. Most of the moms here at in the mid to late 30's.
I am so happy to have spent this time with my children! But I'm also eager to return to start 3rd year! My husband is finishing up his residency and we'll be moving closer to school. He'll be working as a nocturnist 3 days/week and be able to spend a lot of time with our children! They'll still need to go to daycare a couple hours a week.
I know that third year is demanding and I don't know how I'm going to manage being a mother and a med student at the same time. I just hope I can do it.
I feel like I have everything I've ever wanted or am in the process to achieving what I want thanks to the support and encouragement of my loving husband. I just feel like its time to buy our first house. We found the most gorgeous house across from a park with a pond and playscape. I would love for my children to be able to go to the park everyday. However, everything we ever do has to be approved by my in laws or mostly just my mother in law. In my heart of hearts I know that she means well but she has always kind of made decisions about what we can and can not do. I always take her criticisms with a smile. I want to get along with my in laws since it means a lot to my husband but they are the most overbearing people I have ever met.
The other day my mother in law was telling me how I should give my older daughter milk or she won't grow. Now ladies I know that she's a doc and all but I AM a third year med student- at the very least I know that my daughter needs to drink milk! My older daughter has always been a very picky eater and my main goal in life for the past 20 mths has been to feed her as much as I can and any way I can. I spend 90 minutes with her in the morning coaxing her to eat pancakes and eggs. I spend another 2 hours in the evening coaxing her to eat dinner. I do care a lot about my daughter's eating habits but somehow this has not dawned on my MIL. Most of the time, I just tell myself that this is the way life is and I can't help that my MIL is a crazy you know what!
My younger daughter is almost 5 mths old and she's doing great. She's a wonderful eater which makes me sooooo happy!
Oh my gosh I've gotten off topic again! So as I was saying I'd really like to buy the house across from the park and near med school but we need to show it to my in laws first. I know in my heart that they won't approve it. When I excitedly told them about it over the weekend they completely squashed any hopes of us buying the home. My FIL and MIL want us to rent a two bedroom apt under 1000 dollars. This is basically unheard of in the location that we will be moving to! Also we really need three bedroom as my older daughter sleeps through the night and my younger daughter still wakes up several times at night.
The house itself is not very expensive. I think that its very reasonable and easily affordable with my husbands income. It is small however but it just felt like home the minute I walked into it!
I just remember the last time we tried to purchase a home. It was actually my MIL's idea and the price of that home is the same price as the home we are now interested in. However, when I told her the price of home she acted like a drama queen and was shocked by the price of the house. Anyway, we stopped looking for homes last time because my MIL suddenly changed her mind and told us it was a bad idea and that she wasn't willing to help us. I was so heartbroken but I told myself that this year I'd be able to go back to school, my husband would start his new job and we'd be able to afford a home on our own. What really irks me is that my brother in law just purchased a million dollar home which has to be entirely redone inside and he got my MIL to cosign! My BIL doesn't even have a stable job and he makes way less than my husband does now as a resident!
My husband has a trust fund that he is not allowed to touch. I have lived in my maternity clothes for over 2 years now. Its embarrasing to go outside as I know I have holes all over my sweatpants. I don't fit into any of my prematernity clothes as I was 40 pounds less before becoming pregnant. I have always made sure that my children have the best of everything even if it means that I have to beg my father for money. I feel so embarassed as there have been times that we can't make ends meet. But still he's never been allowed to touch the trust fund. My MIL makes it a point to completely humilate our family. When we need to pay off our rent and we're tight we've asked her for help and she ridicules my husband for several hours before she gives him the money! She also makes sure that she repeats the fact that she has lent us money several mths to come. My BIL on the other hand has a wife who sits at home and sends both her kids to daycare and is allowed to use his trustfund for whatever purpose he desires. Its just so frustrating!
I don't want or desire to be dependent upon my in laws but raising two kids on a resident's salary is hard! We never ever go out. WE never buy things for ourselves. My father is unable to help out because he doesn't make very much and he has other obligations but my MIL will always bring up the fact that we should ask him for money. She constantly humiliates me and her own son. Its just beyond me how she's able to do this without any guilt.
I'm really afraid that she will talk my husband out of buying this home. I didn't even want to bring her along to show her the house because I've already anticipated the heartbreak I'll feel when she puts it down. Whenever she has any kind of conversation of importance, she and her husband only address my husband and never talk to me directly as though I am below them. It makes me sad because I really have kept quiet these past few years so that I could just get along with them but now more and more often I want to just scream at them and tell them to get out of our lives. I can't stand my MIL right now at this particular moment. I feel as though she really runs my life. She always makes me feel guilty for shopping at a certain foodmart or spending money on our rent (3 bedroom apt-the only liveable alternative to living in her basement).
We're supposed to look at this house on Thursday and I just know that I will have a breakdown! Why can't they understand me. I want this for my children and our family! Also I know that if we don't buy this house now, we will return to my husband's hometown in two years after med school to do my residency here but I don't want to come back. I want to do my residency where I go to school. The other day, my MIL told me that she would pull some strings at the local hospital so that I could do my residency here. I'm pretty sure she did this only to aggrevate me. I have never felt so belittled and humilated in my entire life. I have pretty decent boards scores and I know that I can match somewhere else. The things that she says really bother me and anger me. The only solution that I have found is to ignore her phone calls and her completely. This causes even more problems because she will come to my home unannounced and belittle me and bring me to tears all the while showing no emotion whatsoever.
Anyway I am so sorry this is so long but this entry is really more for me to get out my frustration with my MIL than anything else.
I hope to continue writing this journal as I go back to med school in a couple of mths!
-JPmom
Previous Topic
Index