Today is a new day. A new day in History. I am one hand nostalgic and on the other hand worried.. I will come back later, I was going to try and blog while watching the inauguration online but too much to concentrate on.

So, I am actually here at school which is a rare. Anyway, yesterday was a hisotric day. I am glad to be able to have lived and seen this day come. But I just want to see how people will stand. If everyone is willing to make a change. The new president is only one man. We, the people have to make changes too. For things to progress in a new direction. I have a lot of different thoughts running through my head about this. What is funny people really only see the color of skin still. Just because of his name and color people only see one side of him. But is mother and father were of different ethnicities and cultures. Which does that not speak of what America is about. i really don't want to get on a soapbox about this, because I am really not into politics, I like history and what it represents, but the political game is for the birds. So yesterday was a great day, now the history books have to go back to the presses. This day shows me that possibilities are endless. I am just want to see how people will react to the things are that going to happen over the 4 years. It would just be nice that the economy would get back on its feet soon, i need it badly.
I have a lot of things in mind. I do need to get some efficient studying done before some stupid presentation that I have to sit through. I am really ready to be done with this school year and soem of my classmates. You k ow the worst part is this rotation battle that you have to go through especially with people who are so fickle and can't just make a solid decision about what they want to do. One minute is ok I am cool with that and the next can we meet because I have changed my mind again and seems that way every week. So I am at the point now where I am not going to worry about it until close to deadline. Also being that in the next week have four tests to study for that are more important than rotations at the moment.
Right now I feel like I am sitting at a fork in road and not sure which way to go. To the slight left is just relaxation and happines, with a bit of uneasy, because that is the easy road. The center lane is the path of least resistance but the hard way to go, because you can't see anything but what is in front of you and on the side are trees blocking what is to the right or left. The road to right is really just unexplored territory, the unknown. There is no turning around and going back down the same road before the fork, because it may change how things really are. I am sitting at a stop sign letting so much go by at the moment. ok enough I am going to go do something for an hour and half that may or may not be productive :scratchchin:

I am trying best not to get frustrated and upset with some of things that have been happening. I have no real interest in my school at all and being forced to come to every lecture for a course is really annoying. I personally have my way around it by sitting in the back, putting in ear plugs or wearing earphones and doing something else. I pretty much have myself on a schedule and do not study past 12 noon on regular days. I usually start at 5 in the morning. Test days it is a bit different in studying schedule, but normally 5am-12pm that is all I can give. Well time to put in the ear plugs. I have more to say but need to do something..Have a good one.

Today was a refreshing day for me. I decided not to go to hell today and stayed home and just felt good with studying. I studied from 4:30am until 10:30am and feel so relaxed. Having time to study is real important. Especially this week with test back to back. Well my third year is finally set, not to happy with some of the places that I have to go, but I do not have to do a lot of traveling, I may do some changes because I really do not want to be at the same place with some of the people in my group and make sure that I get maximum amount of learning and hands on, especially in the subject areas that I am interested in. Ok my mind had gone blank of what I wanted to talk about so I am going to go back to studying and enjoying my day.

ok, right now I feel as if I am in a holding pattern. Just not moving in a forward direction with this Desire of mine. I feel like there is no end in site and that there is something going to happen that I just can't figure out, so I am just marking time until the Lord says forward march. It feels like I am only to do so much and move on. But I am just up in the air with my faith on this School thing, things are just out of wack. I feel like there is silence on what is to happen and I am trying my best to keep in together but it is a struggle. Well spring break will be here next week and maybe some questions will be answered.
I am glad that people are reading my thoughts and being inspired from them. I was hoping that my blog would help someone, besides myself. Writing is so therapeutic. Well I won't make this too long. Onto to trying....
__________________________________________________
Oh limb, Oh limb, where art thou :wave:

Well Spring break is over and I still feel like I am in limbo. I am just praying that things will be done for me according to God's will. I think I need to take a real vacation from my spring break.. I am so tired. Right now, I am just not sure of what the future has to hold for me. Dreams and goals have been placed before me and I am so close to grabbing it, but it is like someone is playing a game of cat and mouse with me. I am just praying and waiting... I am trying to think if I had things to do over, what would I do? Would I choose a different school and still have the same outcome? How different would thing be if I never come to medical school? I am just babbling to stay awake in this class, because I could just sleep the day away, with the way I feel at the moment. I will digress from this now and leave a few poems from Langston Hughes..hopefully good news will come my way sooner than later.

Dreams

Hold fast to dreams
For if dreams die
Life is a broken-winged bird
That cannot fly.
Hold fast to dreams
For when dreams go
Life is a barren field
Frozen with snow.

ream Deferred

What happens to a dream deferred?
Does it dry up
Like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore--
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over--
like a syrupy sweet?
Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.
Or does it explode?

I am having a very interesting time right now.. I feel like I am hanging onto a thread of hope. I am so close but yet so far. Not ready to share the experience just yet, so keep reading in the next few weeks, but just know, only God is going to bring me through this. He pout me here so I know that he has a plan. I am just a vessel right now for him to work through. I have nothing left at the moment, just watching and waiting.

Tired and trying to hold on, but I feel so close that I can taste it, but there is still something hanging over my head that I am waiting to here good or bad for. So fat I have passed the finals that I have taken. I have two more to go and trying my best to focus but I am so blah..like to hell with it. Let me do it and move on. I have not really focused on any board study lately. Just trying to make sure I finish strong and I finish. that is the goal. As soon as the school year is done and I have the answer to something important, I will make a schedule and do the board thing. Need to find the money first though... I am so just ready to run and keep running, it feels like every muscle in my body feels hyper and so close to finishing, I am not as nostalgic as I was last year. I am just holding my breath waiting to exhale. Trying to get some focus in me to get back on the study wagon , which is want I need to do.
But just as an aside, not sure if anyone watches the biggest loser, but this season is the best and most motivating. The brown team, oh my goodness, the father yes he has played the game, but he has accomplished so much. Last night when he finished the 26 mile marathon by walking, even with the bad knee, the increase in blood pressure, he finished. All the the enduring challenges he had to stop because of health problems, but last night, I was boohooing because he completed the task. To me this speaks volumes for my little bit of 20 pounds that I want to do.
Yes they are in the ideal situation, but it is possible I just have to take the time. I am not sure if I mentioned my 30 in 90 but it has only been 15 in 90 which is horrible, but I have lost inches more than anything which I will take. Anyway I guess this is enough for now. My mind is beginning to transition to focus world. I am thinking that once I get passed all this I may start a new blog about my next two years,not sure what to call it though :scratchchin:

Just a quick update, still praying and waiting on God's unchanging hand. To know that things are real. My heart's desire is God's will so only he can pull me through. the best is yet to come. 3rd year

Well where do I begin where do I end. I am currently on my first rotation, Psychiatry. I have only been on it a few days, but I like it so far. I have seen just about everything in the book that comes into clinics, schizophrenia, depression, etc... The doctor I am working with is very laid back but teaches me a lot, which is good. Next week I get my own patients, and will be on my own. Psych is a bit different then the regular. There is no physical exam (the nurses do it). I do a brief history which mainly consists of the a very mini mini mental exam. I spent a lot of time reading about the conditions and drugs. the only thing is just trying to remember the trade names when I have learned the generic names. But hopefully I will have it all down soon. The doctor really only prescribes certain meds so there is not a lot to learn. there has not been and real pimping yet. But I make sure to read on a subject when he says too and to look all the drugs he prescribes with there adverse effects after the days ends. the only thing that I have noticed is that at the days end I want to crash I have to force myself to stay up and do things. Since I have started I zonk out at 8 or 9 pm and sleep till the next day. It is different for me. I have fallen asleep at the computer. But all in all i am happy doing this. There are somethings that I need to take care of, but I have left that in the ends of the Man. I actually have a day off tomorrow, so I plan to do some important searching for things and hopefully I can resolve them. I feel like I am rambling. Today as I was driving I felt at peace, happy. Have not felt that in awhile. I decided that there is no reason for me to stress or worry about my problems because that does not fix them. The interesting part that I have seen on the rotation is when I see the minority patients they are so elated or seem like it is strange to see me a minority helping take care of them and the staff have that same look too. I guess depending on where you are a lot of people do not get to see a minority doctor. Well I won't make this any longer than it already is. I am going to try and do some reading before falling asleep. Just keep the faith. Keep praying
_________________________________________________
Hmm I think that limb is trying to grow again