My subconscious has a way of voicing itself in song. I will find myself humming a tune...or outright singing a song on the elevator (when I am alone...does anyone else do this?) and realize how appropriate it is to the situation at hand. Yesterday...my last day of my internal medicine rotation...I had to laugh when I found myself singing "Ding-Dong the witch is dead, the wicked witch, the witch is dead". I was striding out to my car with an irrepressible smile on my face feeling free as the munchkins on the day Dorothy arrived. The best thing about a difficult rotation is how much you appreciate time when it returns and perfuses your life!

Today I started the first day of an OB rotation with a terrifically nice attending. I met him at the hospital at 9am...three hours later than I have been coming in for the last month. It was heaven. Next month I will start another Internal Medicine rotation and I am sure that the return back to a 6am start will be as difficult as 9am is wonderful...such interesting times.

Lastly, I cannot close this short diary entry without remarking on the slow unfolding of Spring in my area. Driving home each day, I never stop being entranced by the subtle changes which are occurring around me. The trees which have been dark silhouettes framing the line where the mountains touch the sky have started to be touched by pale green, yellow, purple as the flowers and leaves unfurl. The brown-gray hills have started to be dotted with color...almost like a painting which is added to everyday and I love watching the change wash over the land. Yes this is corny, but I cannot explain how much I love living where the horizon is broken by uneven lines and you alternate between looking up towards a peak or down over a valley. I have only lived here for 9 months...but I find something every day on the drive home which is eye-candy for the soul. Please God help me stay this way.

Here's hoping you find your soul-eye-candy today!

Well, it has been over a week since my last entry. Interestingly enough, I have been on an easier rotation with more time...and have needed a diary less. I took my husband to Dollywood on Friday as a surprise. Good idea...bad day to go. I believe that everybody and their grandmother were there that day...and unbeknowst (sp?) to me, I was coming down with a stomach flu vs. food poisoning. My head was hurting, I felt more and more tired, and my muscles started to hurt...so after about 4 hours of amusement park we started the 2.5 hr drive home. By the time we got home, I had a fever of 102 and was feeling horrendous. The stomach part started later that evening. Today is the first day (now is monday) I have been able to get out of bed for longer than 5 minutes without getting sick. Luckily, I was not on call and had some sick leave I could take.

Being ill like this has increased my empathy for my patients...especially the ones with nausea that we try to give PO meds...and especially the ones without a loved one to help them while they are stuck in bed sick.

Even sitting up for a while makes me feel a little sick, so I will finish this for now and write again when I am more on the mend!

Hello All,

what a long time it has been since I felt inspired to write. All kinds of things are shifting for me now (when do they stop shifting in residency?). My husband's grandmother died week before last. I was lucky enough to be on a rotation where I was able to take some time and go with him to attend the funeral and commune with his family. Then last week, I attended the American Holistic Medical Association conference in Albuquerque, NM...from family to home to New Mexico and lots of new ideas and approaches. I was forced to face how negative I have become this year...how ready I am to decide that the universe/God/etc. is against me. Then back home and we get a call that one of my hubbie's best friends from high school had chosen to take his life. The recent two deaths have cracked through the cool I have adapted at times to deal with sadness in the hospital...and tears come easier. K. (husband) will have to go back to FL on his own for this funeral as I am back again on "Eternal Medicine" rotation. I will really miss him...miss being with him and feeling brought together by adversity.

I am trying to change my viewpoint so that I find the wisdom or pearl I can glean from bad...and good situations....rather than lament "why me?" It appears to be a lifelong choosing every day to see life this way. Wish me well!