So... its been a year since I made my first entry... Well unfortunatly.... i have no good news... LOL..

i did not make it in on my first go around. At first i was going to concede... and just stay where i was... but after a few days.. thinking about... what i would do next.. I decided.. I am not quiting..

When i applied i knew i had more work to do.. I should have listened to myself instead of others.. and worked more on being a better applicant.. than just applying and hoping magic happens..

well... now i am going to listen to myself. I am going to leave my fulltime job.. this summer, and go back to school full time.

I will also submit DO applications this year.. that i could not afford to complete last year.

i have a lot of work to do... but I am excited about getting it done..

Hi! I am sorry to hear that! But, like you wrote above, I believe there is a higher power with a higher purpose who has perfect timing which isn't always aligned with our timing! Don't give up your dream!!
May I ask what you think you did wrong? What did your GPA/MCAT look like? I am about to embark on this journey myself, and I like to talk to as many people as possible! If you would prefer to PM me, please do so!

Ok... So i am back... First off..

Thanks jkiely03 for the encouraging words..

where do i start

Ok... so I totally accidently hit the Add Reply Button instead the Full Reply Form button for some reason... MY BADD...

Now where was I...?
School
SO I had to reapply for admission to my undergraduate university... because I had been out so long... been having some trouble getting to registers... so I have a call into help desk and spoke with and advisor about the advising hold… just waiting on my system Id to be reactivated so I can get into a class..!

I think I am just going to start off retaking O-Chem. and Biochem. I had planned to go back full time, and finishing the BS Biology degree, but new events have changed my mind for now...

I am looking forward to getting started...

Work

Still is the same... I had considered staying and just trying to make the best happen hear... but then QUICKLY realized that was not the best option for me.

I am looking forward to my final days, but of course am going to miss the benefits of full-time career employment. Like health insurance, 401K, and a very decent weekly pay check.
But I am stepping out on Faith, and opening a new chapter in my book of life...

ALSO... I have accepted a position for this super cool program here, and really look forward to starting that position. Will share more once I have all the details, and officially make the transition.

personal

This has pretty much been the same ... been really working on trying to find a better me, but have not been as successful as I would like.

I am not giving up, just looking for the defining moment that makes it more of a priority then a chore... But I am sure it will come...

My little one is Now 7 years old, going on 22. I love her to death, and she continues to surprise me everyday...

I do get a little scared moving into the future knowing the demands that lie before me... but I have faith that things will work out. She will always be my number one priority, and with time management, prioritization, and patience we will succeed...

Good luck to anyone applying this year...

I decided not to apply to my DO schools yet, I would rather submit next year when I have made improvements.

Well I am going to have my lunch now...

But before I go, I would like to say...

I am grateful to those who have laid down their lives for the freedom that I have.
:unitedstates: Memorial Day 2009

So I figured I would update, but unfortunately not a lot new has happened. As time continues to pass, I get more and more concerned about the future.

School
So my reapplication to my previous Undergrad where i completed my preqs a few years ago was granted , but found out I will not be able to recieve financial aide, for the undergrad courses. And that would be ok, if I knew I was going to be keeping my full time job, but I don’t know that I will... This was really discouraging, and I have no Idea ... what I am going to do about that....

Did find an online O-chem. and Biochem course, so that’s good if I end up staying at my current employment...
But have heard conflicting stories, on the risk of taking an online pre-req.

I did go ahead and submit a couple of DO school choices, instead of waiting... it was a split moment decision... who knows...


Work

I am still at my full-time place... I have gotten increasingly apathetic due to my looming decisions that need to be made.

Unfortunately I have not heard anything from the other potential opportunity I was so happily mentioning in my previous post. You have to wonder if it is a sign that I should leave things alone... or a test of my will and faith in God.

I tell u what... I have always had trouble with ambiguity and I have no idea... what’s going on...

Personal

This is still about the same... my little one is doing good... I still wish I was not as single as I am... but apparently that’s another thing that just does not seem to work out for me... I try to keep my faith on that issue, but that still does not help me fight the feeling disappointment...

Anywhoo... that’s about it...

Hope anyone who is reading this has a great day.

B]Pre-Med[/B]

Well, this is about the same; I mentioned that I submitted my DO application that I could not afford to do last year.

So far 4 weeks in and it’s still processing... Note to anyone... reading... APPLY EARLY...

When people say that... they really mean it...

I don’t really know what I expect from that application, but at least I can say I have done it.

And I will defiantly re-apply if I am able to considerably improve my application.

Speaking of which, it seems like I will be doing that while continuing to work my Full time job.

The opportunity I thought I was going to get has not come through... so I was offered a different position at my current job, and have accepted it.

So....
I will plan to take my BIOCHEM class online or try and find the early class at my local University.

I have not had any luck finding a DR to shadow, but I am going to try sending out more letters.

This is the really hard part for me; I hate to feel like I am bothering someone.

Work

Work is still about the same, I am still in the same group for a while, and it’s frustrating to feel like u does not contribute to the team.

But as I said above... I was told I could move to a new position at a currently Unknown time, but it’s a new environment KIND OF... used to work there before i did this... but either way... it’s for a different mgr.

I guess it was sort of a good/bad situation regarding the other Job I thought I was going to get.

It would require me to leave my full-time employment, with my 401k benefits, and decent salary.

But it would have put me in the medical field, with the potential for learning new things, and being around relevant situations. But unfortunate the "no response" I have gotten back from the person that told me I had the job, probably means... it was not going to work out.

So since I have been offered the other position in my current job, I am going to have to Decline when he does eventually get back to me.

I hope it’s not the end of my med school dreams, but ... I have to think if my family first (my daughter)

Anywhoo... enough of that

Personal

This aspect of my life is pretty sucky now too...

I tried to tell a friend... that I thought about possibly be more than being a Friend... and he has not talked to me since...

I actually would have been ok, if he would have just said No... Not interested... but he said NOTHING.... and this is AFTER he told me he previously... had feelings for me...

Soo... it’s been a little crazy in my head dealing with all these different thoughts... but as usual I will get through it... It’s what I do... :yes:

It’s just one of these days... I would love to have things work out for me...
Medical school, husband, family...

It just makes me a little defeated sometimes... :scratchchin:

I think that’s the one I will go with...

Well... if anyone reads this... I hope you have a GREAT day... and thanks... for making it through my ramblings...

So.. No DO school interviews either. I am not suprised.

I am at a total loss... I dont know if i should give up or not...

NOt because i dont think i can get it. I think i can get if I improve my application.

I am concerned with the "Should". I dont know if God is trying to tell me i should accpet where I am, and not be so selfish. OR what...

I got a promotion on my job. And Yes its nice to have the bit of extra money, but it does not make me want to stay. But with this job I can pay bills, and provide for my child.

I know my time and money will be signifiganty different once I start medical school. I feel my daughter and I are strong enough to handle it, but once again. Should i do that if i am already gainfully employed.

My mind and heart are tired. And I need to make up my mine.

I thought with the promotion that would be enough to force me to defer or give up the Med School Dream, but it has not stopped... It is still in my mind... I even feel like i am becoming depressed about the idea of settling for where i am now..

Im lost... Very lost...

Dear Diamondice79,
I enjoyed reading your diary stories and I felt very similar to certain life situations that you are facing.
I can't really give you an answer to your situation because I am basically struggling to go to school while working full time, raising a 3 year old, and living with my boyfriend.
There are some obstacles. . on the way but don't give up. Even if you feel like you can not make it, don't leave behind your dreams! It doesn't matter if this dream takes longer or its harder. Live it and make it happen.
I used to live with my parents in law, boyfriend, and daughter! I don't know how you do it. It's really hard.
I only lived with them for two years and it was enough.
Even though i can't save enough for school due to living expenses, i would rather live alone with my bf and girl.
So you are my hero!
Some things in life take time. . . idk why
But, God is holding somenthing better later on for you.
KEEP GOING!

Thank You IC2448... I appreciate your kind words. And wish you good fortune and blessings on your Journey.

Wow... So here I am again. I thought i had put medical school far enough in the back of my mind to let it go... But it keeps coming back

I CAN NOT go on like this. I have to do something. but I dont know what that is. I thought it was going to be accept where i was and live with it. But I cant... I still want to be a doctor... My little keeps telling me that i am going to be a doctor...

My mind is going crazy, i have no one to talk to about this..