First, someone do a happy dance with me. I made it. I'm going to be a doctor. I got into a fabulous MD program in California! I'm thrilled!!

Now, for the question.

Some background:

- I had planned on having a baby right after graduating from undergrad and spending a year off with the baby while applying. I got pregnant last year and was due in July. I had a miscarriage and it took 8 months to get pregnant again. I'm now due in early May '10.

- I graduated in June and applied while TTC.

- I only applied to in-state schools (University of California) understanding that I'd most likely have to reapply next cycle because of the competitive nature of the UC's. I did this for financial reasons (I'm a CalVet Fee Waiver recipient) and for family considerations.

- I received 4 interviews out of the 6 schools I applied to. I just received an acceptance to a program I really love. I have an interview at my first choice (in my hometown) next week.

I had intended to defer in the unlikely situation I am now in. I really didn't expect to be successful this cycle, but I'm overjoyed that I got in. Somehow, among family friends and mentors, deferral has become a hot topic of debate.

Several doctors I work with are begging me to defer and take another year off ("You'll never have another chance"), several others are pressuring me to push ahead. A dear friend (a DC who had three kids during school) thinks I want to defer because I'm afraid of being a bad mom. Family members are suggesting that deferring is a form of failure, others (like my MIL) are desperate for me to defer so they'll get "more time" with the new baby before we move away.

As for me, I think I'd be okay with deferring. It seems like a safe choice and what is best for my baby and husband while we adjust to our new family. It would give us a comfortable time cushion to move to SoCal and establish ourselves before schools starts, rather than rush down with a newborn. I want to breastfeed for the first year, so having a weaned 15-month old would be easier than 3-month old nursling. Spending a year off might be nice... being domestic, getting a handle on motherhood. I think having another between 1st and 2nd year would be good timing (2 year age-gap) rather than trying to shove one in during third year.

My concerns? Taking ANOTHER year off away from school. I do miss school. I'd lose another year to my peers that are already a year ahead of me (thanks to this year off). I worry I'll lose more of my knowledge as my brain turns to mush. I'm excited. I just got accepted into medical school and the thought of waiting until August 2011 seems disappointing.

Also - the guilt factor. I feel terrible that I've been accepted for this year's class and I'm now going to leave a spot open and take a spot from the next year's class. I don't like being thought of as weak, and asking for another year off feels like I'm copping out. I'm worried that life with a toddler will be just as hectic and unmanageable as life with a newborn and I won't really enjoy being a SAHM and feel that my year off was a waste. I can't predict how this baby will change things, since this is my first.

In addition, I have no idea how to even go about requesting a deferral. It's only November. Should I wait until after the baby is born? What if I defer now and change my mind in June? Is it too late? If I wait until May and get my heart set on deferring - what if they reject my request?

I'm just starting to ponder these thoughts. I really didn't expect any of this to happen... the miscarriage changed everything and now this acceptance is so wonderful and unexpected...

Any thoughts? People who have deferred or wished they had or are glad they didn't? I need advice from people who know and aren't invested in a particular outcome.

It's a terrific problem to have

Congratulations on both major accomplishments. It sounds to me like your thoughts are very realistic and focused. You seem to be considering both options and the pros/cons, which is exactly what will get you to the best choice. As you mentioned, there are pluses to both options.

I'm not sure how your particular school works, but at my med school several girls in similar situations started the year and then went on leave when the baby came. This gave them a chance to get their feet wet, and one girl actually decided that continuing on with her class was the best way to go after taking a month off.

The first year of your babies life and the first year of med school have a lot of similarities - both go very quickly and are amazingly hard and wonderfully rewarding. One major difference is that one cannot be repeated or deferred.

The first two years at most med schools are lecture-driven, with possibilities for podcasted lectures at some schools. Definately do-able with a baby - I had a newborn at the beginning of second year and with a combo of studying at home and daycare we did great. Of course, I found second year to be more manageable than first year even with a newborn. But keep in mind that it's M-F 8-? (we were done at noon 4 days a week) for lecture, then a LOT of independent or group study time. Which can be done with a baby at a coffee shop, or at night, or at home, etc. The flexibility of that schedule was great for a having a baby, I thought. I nursed both for 14 months, the first had a little formula supplementation due to supply issues, which is not a big deal in my book. Lots of women pump at work, there's a growing level of support for nursing moms who work. Your supply and nursing schedule will be well established by 3 months.

3rd year is not a good time to have your second. Go for early-ish 4th year, it's a much better life.

Whatever you decide, it will be the right thing for you. Only you will know how much time is right for you to take - most moms will probably say defer, but if you want to go for it I think that would be fine too. I had 5 weeks off with my first and 6 weeks with my second during med school and we all did great. I have no regrets, but a daycare I love was key. I actually think the balance was perfect for me, I'm not sure we would have thrived as well with me being a SAHM as we did with me doing both. And I had the option of taking leave at any time, so the safety net was always there.

Med school will be there for you to start this year or next. You are right that a toddler isn't necessarily easier than a baby, just different.

Find out what rules your school has (after you send in your acceptance and deposit!). Then, take a deep breath, a step forward, and enjoy your newfound roles

Congratulations Aurora!

You have your whole life to work and go to school. Your baby will be a baby only once. While women DO go through med school and have kids (I had 2 during school), hindsight tends to be 20/20. There are many women who have been in your situation. In fact, there were several who had babies and deferred in my class. They were contented to be at school and did not have the angst of first-time motherhood to interfere. One or two years out is nothing. Very little of what you have ever learned will be applicable in medical school.

Yes first two years are lecture-driven. However, its not undergrad, simple lecture-based coursework. There is a lot and if you want to do well, requires time.

Toddlers are different but stronger and are easier to leave than newborns. Plus, the hormones have died down by the 2nd year of life and won't be compounding your guilt/remorse.

The best way to decide is by asking yourself: in 20 years will I look back and regret waiting 1 year to start medical school? Or will I regret missing the first year of my baby's life?

I know of no schools that do not allow for deferrment.

I would defer if this was my option. Medical school and the sheer amount of information required to master during that time is endless. Taking care of a newborn can be a lot of hard work and if you add on top of that moving and starting medicine, well, you can get the picture. Can you do it? sure but why put yourself through the angst when you can just delay by one year? you can keep your feet wet by reading if you like on certain high yield subjects although to be honest no amount of preparation will prepare you for the sheer amount of knowledge you will need to know. Good luck and no matter what you decide it will be the right choice for you.

I agree: defer. No matter when you start medical school, you're still theoretically "taking" a spot from someone--but the admissions committee picked YOU to have it! Don't feel bad!

If you need more time to think about it, maybe wait a little bit to tell the school since you're still just getting out of 1st trimester. Congrats on the new baby and getting into a CA school! Both great accomplishments

Defer! Defer! For heaven's sake, defer.

You have a precious, precious opportunity to enjoy a delicious year with your babe and take absolutely no professional hit whatsoever. This is a treasure. Don't miss it.

Re: feeling bad about taking a spot or whatever nonsense, let this go. Put it out of your head immediately. Your child is so much more important than a minor administrative inconvinence for your future medical school.

Re: a toddler not being any easier than a newborn, more nonsense. Caring for an infant is exhasting because a) you will be breastfeeding and b) you will be up at night. I have a toddler; caring for him is a snap. A full night's sleep every night (well, when I'm not on call), no pump to tote around, and he's thriving at his daycare center. He's EASY. Loves to go on errands or help with the laundry, plays by himself. EASY.

Re: deferral itself, I did this, years ago. My memory is that some programs grant deferrals for any reason, some never grant deferrals, and some fall in between. I'd find out where your school lands and ask as soon as you're sure.

I was an exact replica of your situation except, it all happened two years ago with slightly different dates. I got into medical school in January, found out I was pregnant a week later. Miscarried. Got pregnant again right away and was due the week of finals. I defered. I cried and cried trying to decide. IT WAS THE BEST YEAR OF MY LIFE!!! I came back to school renewed and ready to learn, I had the mom thing down, the wife thing down, and all I had to tackle was dusting off my brain. Don't worry about remembering stuff, ect. It will come back (it is very surprising but it does). I cried for a week the first time I took my son to daycare. I cried for two weeks before starting school, so fearful that it was going to be terrible, that I wouldnt ever get to see him, that my marriage would fall apart, you know all those things we take to the extreme. None of those things have happened and I'm half way thru year two. The three things that have helped me the most are:

1. I have to do things differently!! I dont study the same as my classmates, I have different demands of my time, I can't compare my methods, time input, grades, ect. If you do, it will just be maddening.
2. Being a mom, doesn't mean you can't do VERY WELL! But also, the sooner you are ok with the fact that you might not be #1 in your class, the happier you will be. I'm in the top third and never would have guessed it.
3. My OB said to me when I was pregnant, "You know when I think about it. Priorities never get any easier. Residency is harder than med school, starting a practice is harder than residency. So if something is going to be your priority (ie your family, exercizing, ect), make it your priority in med school or it just gets harder and harder."

Bottom line : You need to do what is best for you, your family, your baby. NOT ANYONE ELSE!! Once I cleared my mind of everyone else's voice, I knew exactly what I wanted to do. In response to your feeling guilty about spots. Someone else will get your spot in the class of 2011. The sooner you decide, the more time it gives that person (I did it the week before white coat, so dont stress). Second, no matter what class you are in, you got in and someone else didn't. You worked just as hard, and you deserve it just as much or more, so dont worry about that. I would recommed going to student affairs, and asking for all the details, facts, pros and cons of deferring. They will walk you thru the process. I lucked out I knew the previous Dean of Student Affairs and was able to get all my facts straight before making a decision.

About your peers, a year wiser helps. I am 25, a second year med student. Most of my classmates are anywhere from 22-24. They already assume I am 30 anyways, just because I have a kid. Most people in my class with kids are 30+. I find having worked and done other things verse coming straight thru school uninterupted, gives me a unique and valuable perspective.

I guess the biggest hurdle coming to medical school as a mom is being able to turn off all those little voices. The ones that tell you, that you are letting people down, or not a good mom, or if this or that, that you need to get better grades, that deferal is a failure, or that you need honors in everything, ect ect ect. The list goes on and on, I'm sure you know at this point. Turn the voices off, be YOU and do the best YOU can do in your situation.

The more I am able to be myself and be "OK" with it, I am able to find a better balance, I am happier, and my grades get better.

I hope this helps. Do what is best for you!

I'm voting with defer, because I was in your situation last year, and I didn't. Oh, how I wish I had! And this was my second baby - had it been my first, it would have been even harder than it's been. Because of exhaustion and a lack of time to study adequately, I've been forced to drop to part time due to bad grades. Don't let this happen to you! You'll feel so much worse about yourself if you start failing in medical school while being away from your kid so much. Awful.

I asked the exact same question here last year. Everyone here said defer, but I listened to other people. Listen to the ladies here.

YES!!!!
Defer!
By all means.
I could have been in your situation, was pregnant as I was receiving my acceptances but miscarried!
Went to medical school then had my two sons later (when I had more control over my schedule and was able to choose to work PT).
Very pleased with the way it worked out for me.
If I had not miscarried, I would certainly have turned down my spot - not sure if deferment was even an option back then (20 years ago).
Good luck and CONGRATULATIONS. Having a family is the best thing that will ever happen to you. Better by far than being a doctor (believe it or not).

Congratulations! x2!

DEFER!!!! I am in med school now, with Nanon, and have felt helpless watching her struggle with new baby (adorable btw) and school. She is one of the most intelligent people I know, but being a Mom to a new little person and starting this whole process is a lot.

As a first time Mom, I freaked out. Literally lost it. You don't know what you don't know, and if what you don't know is critical, or something you will figure out. I often feel bad for how overly worried I was all of the time with my oldest.

Additionally, as a first time Mom, I would spend my days holding my bundle of joy and watching him sleep. Unfortunately, medical school will not allow for that. Take the year off- you will be so glad you did. Yes, you will be a year behind in your overall plan, but you will go into medical school confident (and rested) because of it.

Good luck with your decision- if you decide to defer, send them their deposit and all other paper work- our school sent something out end of April/beginning of May as to the deferral process, which gives them the opportunity to pull someone from the waitlist.

And, CONGRATULATIONS again!