I am a physician who works full-time, and usually I get home around 7-8pm. I drop my kids (3 yo twins) off at daycare on the way to work, and my husband picks them up around 5 pm.

We have a nanny/parent's helper who prepares dinner for the family, does some light cleaning, and takes care of the kids to get them through dinner, bathtime, and bed time. When I hired her, she reported that she had completed education in British schools in Hong Kong and had 2 previous jobs as "nanny" and reported that she was a "housekeeper" at a major hotel, but after she started working with us, it was clear to me that she had limited childcare experience (her idea of watching the children was to watch them as they climbed on the bookshelf and not say anything), English was a problem (my 3 year olds were correcting her as she sang the letters in the ABC song in the wrong order) and had no attention to cleanliness (soiled pull-up diapers would be left lying on the floor for 1-2 days) and would often leave food out overnight. We critiqued her for some of these things, and decided to keep her on since the kids became used to having her here, as opposed to starting with another stranger. My husband became unemployed last summer and I wanted to fire the nanny at that time since finances would be tight, but my husband convinced me to keep her on in case he found a job. It has been 6 months now, and he is still unemployed. After mortgage, car payments, student loan payments, daycare, we are just barely getting by each month living paycheck by paycheck. In these tough economic times, I myself am working harder even though I am paid less so that I won't get cut(I am not partnered yet). Really, the underlying issue is that my husband should be pitching in more at home. That's a whole other issue that we are working on, but this week a new issue came up.

This week, our nanny/parent's helper asked for a 20% raise. I feel like her initial salary was generous considering she had exagerated her previous experience and we were already giving her a break. Our own economic situation is tight with my own medical group cutting salaries by 10% this past year and my husband becoming unemployed this year. I explained this to her, and her reply:
1) Why should our family's finances affect her getting a raise? (Hello?? Where am I supposed to get $$ to give a raise? Do you realize that a lot of families are laying off their nannies when 1 spouse becomes unemployed?)
2) I told her we could re-address the issue of a raise once my husband finds a job. She told me that she wanted a date when this would happen. (If I could predict the turnaround of the recession, then I wouldn't be working in medicine)
3) She quoted a $20 per hour rate advertised on listings for "nanny". (She in no way functions independently. She can't even read a book to them as she can't read in English. She decided on live-in situation since transportation daily would have been an issue with her as she does not drive and her home is about 1 hour away on public transportation.)

She also recently started submitting bills TO ME at the end of each month for her snacks, shampoo, toothpaste, totalling $78 last month. She even charged me for the boxes of Ritz crackers and candy she bought the boys last month that she wrapped up and pretended were Christmas presents for the boys. The children are in daycare from 8am to 6pm. During the day, she is free. Her only duties during the day are to do the kid's laundry on Mon and Thurs, and to get the family dinner ready, which she often just thaws out leftovers that I have brought back frozen from my mom's house. My husband always at home with them when she is with the kids. I feel that she is more of a parent's helper.

I told her "no" to the raise. I really cannot afford to pay her demand. I apologized and told her she is free to go find a better paying position. Today she asked me again. I am not really sure how to respond to her further.

Well, I don't have any experience with nannies, but from reading your post I'd be really inclined to let this one go. She doesn't sound like she's terribly helpful and she's making unreasonable demands. Your husband wanted to keep her on even though he's unemployed - do you think having her around is beneficial right now? Enough to be worth the cost? I realize that you'll want someone once your husband finds a job, but do you think you'll remain happy with this person? It sounds like she will continue making demands for a raise, especially once he becomes employed again. If I were in your shoes, I'd fire her (with some notice, of course) and worry about hiring another nanny when the time comes. Yes, there will be some inconvenience around finding a new nanny, and your kids will have to adjust to her, but it might very well be worth the bother. The only real question I have is will this be an issue for you and your husband in terms of your relationship? Tensions about home responsibilities can run high, especially when a husband/father finds himself unemployed and expected to pick up slack around the house. Even if you do decide that you need a nanny right now, you still might want to consider searching for a new one.

Just my (inexperienced) two cents. Good luck figuring things out!

OMG let her go. She's a whiny lier and it sounds like she's already overpaid. Not sure where you live, but $20 per hour sounds like a whole lot to me, especially since she lives with you (meaning you feed her, give her a roof, pay for her electricity/water/etc) and she does not even watch the kids independently. I would at the very least refuse the raise (just as you did "I cannot afford it, I understand if that's not acceptable to you and you're free to go"). But really, I would let her go.

I pay my sitters $10 an hour (occasionally more, or round it up) for two kids. I would suggest going to a local college (education or early childhood ed department) and asking them for recommendation for evening parent helpers. If your husband is home, you could even get a high school or even middle school student, to occupy the kids and be a true "parent's helper". The other option, if your daycare allows, is to ask one of the teachers if they would be available to help on (at least some) evenings. Usually daycares have part-time employees who are college students and struggling for money. From your description, it sounds like all of these options would be better than who you have now.

Best of luck to you!

To me this sounds like a golden opportunity to strongly "suggest" she seek a job elsewhere, and then just not replace her. I certainly would never pay someone to sit around my house for 10 hours a day. I'm with babyE, get a helper in the evening if your husband really can't cope (really?) and continue daytime daycare. I realize you're in a high cost of living area, but I don't pay my (full-time, unsupervised, American) nanny that much to watch my FOUR children for 45 hours a week. She needs a reality check.

I am with all of the others-let her go. That is way too much to ask-she is totally taking advantage of you. If your husband is home, get a college student to help out. i have several that have experience with early childhood ed and they work out great. If they are home alone with kids and have to get dinner started or put kids to be I pay $10-15 an hour for three kids. If we are there with them, $10 an hour. If I am around i have some reliabel HS students help me out. Sounds like you really need to have that discussion with your husband about taking on more around the house soon though, if finances are that tight.

I'm with the others on this one.

In addition, it doesn't sound like she's someone you'd want serving as a role model for your kids - even if she were free!

20 bucks an hour PLUS room and board, PLUS she wants you to pay for her personal items (ask her if she would be expecting her boss to pay for her toothpaste and shampoo if she worked at McDonalds for minimum wage)???!!!

Give her notice, tell her it's just not working out and that she will be so much happier working for the people who will pay her 20 bucks an hour. Then get your husband up to speed watching the kids until you can find a high school or college girl to help out in the evening for 10 bucks an hour.

Good luck.

I vote for firing both the nanny and the husband. You are working very hard. Get someone in there who will really take care of your kids and your house and will support you.

LOL, sahmd.

Thanks for all you replies. Last night, I got home early, so I took care of the kids in the evening. The nanny made dinner, but didn't even cut up the food for the kids or prepare their dinner plates. She said, since I was home, she thought I would be doing it. I really started wondering... what am I paying her to do????

My husband and I are discussing how to let her go. It will be more stressful for us. But the reality is that we really need to figure out how to take care of the family by ourselves. He realizes he needs to step up to the plate.