Hi, ladies. It has been a long time since I have posted anything. I do check in from time to time but, as you all know, things get busy. I was hoping to have some of you give your thoughts or your situation as it relates to what I am going through right now.

I am a general pediatrician in a fairly small town with 3 children, 8 years, 5 years, and almost 1. I have a patient population of over 3000, I think. I see about 30 patients per day and work 4 1/2 days per week. I also am on call 1-2 nights per week and generally 1 weekend per month. Call is not bad during the week and only marginally worse on the weekend. I have always said I only wanted to work for 10 years. Why that number, I don't know. I have been working 7 already. I am really starting to get burned out, I think. I don't really know if it is burn out though. I just find myself wanting to spend more time with my kids and do more things with them. My favorite day of the week is the one day I get off early and can go pick them up at school. Grandparents pick them up on the other days so I know they are well taken care of. I WANT to do homework with them and get them snacks. I want to be the first one to hear about their days at school. I want to make dinner, not just whatever cand be thrown together in 30 minutes.

When I was on each of my maternity leaves, I felt like I was not as productive as I could have been. I am hoping that was hormonal but fear that I am one of those people who needs the pressure to thrive and that staying home would not suit me. I fear that if I got out of medicine altogether then it would be nearly impossible to get back in if I wanted to. I doubt part time is an option but it has not been explored. I will say, though, that I have a large patient population and they can be demanding on my time. Because I spend as much time as I do with each patient and occasionally don't even get lunch becuase of that, I come home with 30 charts to complete each night which adds up to hours of work each night. So, working a full time job plus hours at night plus call just does not leave me much. I am running on fumes most of the time. I want to give more of me to me and to my family. My husband and I don't have much of a relationship right now in my opinion, not a bad relationship just 2 ships passing right now. I hate that and so does he. I don't even get to the gym anymore so I kind of feel ugh most of the time.

I have heard that your kids need you more as they get older, not less just because they are in school. Truth to that?

Thanks for the vent ladies but I really do want to hear from you.

Hi pedsmd... feel free to vent, if you can't do it here where can you? It sounds to me like you are doing too much (which I'm sure you realize). It's hard to slow down a ship going full steam. Is any reduction in your work schedule possible? I work 3 days per wk and when work is busy I have to take charts home too and I HATE that- so much extra work (when you have a million things to do at home too). Is there anyway to make your charting more efficient? I would encourage you to look into your part time options... it just sounds like you aren't very happy in your current life situation. I think it's important to make marriage, your health/sanity and children priorities besides the JOB. It's not that you aren't working hard enough... it's just too much for any one person to take on (that realization has taken many years of journaling and being mad at myself for not being able to "do it all"- a load of crap). Good luck and keep us posted

Some clarifications...I guess my mind got ahead of myself.

My patient breakdown is about 1/4 - 1/3 checkups, 1/2 sick visits, and the remainder followups of chronic conditions such as ADHD, depression, anxiety, etc on any given day. We have absolutely no pediatric subspecialists in our area. All are a few hours away. My husband is a physician too so his days are just as rough mentally so he's not great to talk to about this. I've tried but he thinks I just think like this because I've had a bad day or something.

The biggest kick in the butt for me just happened. My daughter was invited to a birthday party (last minute) and was not sure I was going to let her go because I could not get a birthday present for her to take because I had to work. Now this is a kid who never is disagreeable and "understands" too well. She is 8 going on 48. The look on that poor baby's face...I don't want that to be my life. I want them to go to parties, brownies, soccer, and any other activities they want (without being overscheduled-haha).

As far as part time goes...we are a hospital owned business and I have a full patient load. Whatever they say goes. I have excellent patient satisfaction scores but they won't even help get my inpatients covered (a small few per month only). They have not been any help with that over the last 4 years so I don't know why now would be a lot different. I think that is why I feel so desparate.

Thanks!