My baby has become a toddler, which is delightful in many ways but I'm starting to experience the frustrations (albeit minor) of pushing limits and having to say no. My specific example: we have two fake fireplaces in our apartment, which were at one time gas fireplaces. The logs that hooked up to the gas and produced the flames are still there, and they're dirty and really hard to clean. Needless to say, I don't want DD touching them. When we first moved in, we told her no, and she would go near them and shake her head and point, but not touch. Now she touches them, looks at me, and smiles when I say no. If I physically remove her, she laughs. She does this over and over again. So how does one enforce "no touching" or "no whatever" at this stage? The only thing that occurred to me is putting her in her crib immediately and walking away, but she sleeps very well and I have no desire to make her crib a negative place, so that's out. What have you all done to enforce limits with your tots?

Thanks

I can totally understand how frustrating that can be. Do you have a pack n' play you can use instead of the crib? I would also try to distract her with a toy or some other activity. Like I would pick up a toy and make a big scene out of how exciting that toy is, start playing with it and then hope for the best. Good luck!

We had a mini-stool that was tall enough that the kids couldn't get off it without a little jump (i.e. their feet did not touch the ground until they let go) but not tall enough to hurt themselves if they fell off. We put it in a corner of the dining room that we did not use, and did the Super Nanny thing- 1 minute time out per year old. The whole explain why they are there and that it is unacceptable (that they aren't listening/hitting/etc). Then when they were done, ask them if they understand they need to listen/not hit/etc, have them say sorry (or some version that works at the age/language level they are at) and then reinforce that you love them with hugs/kisses.

A pack n' play may be better at your little one's age (did I read 14 mos somewhere?) just for the sitting in one place without worry of injury. I think the kids were about 2 when we started using the stool. Just make sure the pnp doesn't have any toys or anything of interest and give her no attention during the time out period. She is looking for attention from you for touching the logs, so if she learns she will be put somewhere where she receives no attention when she does it, most likely the behavior will stop- it will just take consistency.

On a positive note, the time out thing is still working with our kids- oldest is seven and starting to test the waters a little more, so we have started adding consequences on top of time out if behavior excessive. But other than that, the kids generally just need one time out and they come back to their good-natured selves.

Good luck!!!!

I'm sure my position this isn't going to be very popular and even if it is, I doubt many will admit to using it.

When my daughter was a toddler and engaged in potentially life threatening behavior like running out into the street, we used corporal punishment, ie a lite pat on the butt or on the hand, to stop the behavior. Not only did this work well, but because we used corporal punishment so infrequently,my daughter quickly realized the seriousness of her behavior and never again repeated it.

I don't have a problem with minor corporal punishment for life and death situations, but this is hardly one of those, and I don't know that I'll ever feel comfortable spanking anyway. The pack'n'play is a good idea for time-outs - I think we'll give it a try. My only concern is that we use it for her crib when we travel - do you think the association is likely to be a problem? I guess when it's her crib it's got a sheet and her stuffed animal and pacis and is in the bedroom and accompanied by a bedtime routine, so hopefully the time-out association wouldn't carry over too much?

Not to split hairs, but I know as adults we can make distinctions between a working and a non working fire place, but I seriously doubt a toddler could.

And I definitely understand the reservations over spanking in general but I don't consider a single swat on the hand or butt to be a "spanking".

As a parent of a young child, I fould that we were always having to reinvent new ways to discourage bad behavior since my kid so easily adapted to almost everything we tried, as in singing in the corner while in time out, LOL!!!

You can always change the environment. Put a heavy piece of furniture in front of each fireplace. It doesn't really solve the problem of teaching "no," but it does keep her out of the fireplaces.

True enough, but I do think she can distinguish between one that is hot and one that is not. Anyway, she hasn't ever been exposed to a real fireplace and I don't anticipate it happening soon, and if and when she is exposed, she'll be under constant supervision. That's why I don't consider this scenario one that's appropriate for spanking. But parenting styles vary quite a bit and I'm certainly not implying that I think it would be wrong to swat your child's butt for such an offense, just that I'm not going to. Also, yes, I think when people think of spanking they usually think of something a little more harsh than just a swift swat on the butt, but I think it's still technically spanking so I'm comfortable using using the term for it. I definitely agree that there is a big difference between the single swat and bending your child over your knee and wailing on them, so don't get me wrong



It's not a bad idea, I just don't know how well it would work with our feng shui And as you point out, doesn't generally address the saying "no" issue. But something we will consider if we can't resolve the issue in some other way. I think we're going to set the pack'n'play up and give it a try.

Thanks all! Let me know if you have other ideas!

This would be my approach at your child's age. One pediatrician I know says you should be comfortable with your child having anything in reach for ~10 seconds. Your child is in an exploring phase. The best way to stop her from doing something is to keep her from having access to it. As she gets older, she will be able to learn certain things are off limits even though she can access them. I think you'll keep telling a 13 month old no until your blue in the face without a good result, so in my opinion it's better just to eliminate access. I would save your no's for times when she really needs to stop something. I would also keep things simple. I might say, "The fireplace is dirty/hot/yucky." I would then move her and give her something she can touch like a toy or book.

Here are some other ideas.
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/6/t061100.asp

Moving furniture isn't really practical at the moment, but I see your point (and Dr. Sears') about saying a bunch of empty nos. I think the time-out approach could work, but I guess at her age (13 mos) a "keep it simple" approach should work too. We've switched from "no" to "let's not touch that, it's dirty" followed by distraction, and we'll see how that goes. Can always resort to time-outs if it doesn't work out.

Time-outs will definitely be part of our approach in the future, just to clarify, just may not be the most appropriate solution right now.

Thanks for the tips - it's so nice to have a place to come get advice from like-minded moms!

Highly recommend the book "touchpoints: discipline" by Terry Brazelton. The whole series is great, short books that have something for every age.

Thanks Baby E - will look into it!