Good evening everyone! I am married to a wonderful man who is the greatest father to our son. He is currently studying undergraduate school and wants to go to medical school. We have been together for a very long time.

So, here is the dilemma, hubby came home and asked me what do I think about him joining medical school to be an orthopedic surgeon? I told him to do what makes him happy as he is the one who is going to study the long hours and make the dedication to do this, but of course I will support his decision. He said he is committed being that he is finishing his undergraduate and would like to pursue but he wants my support and approval. So I told him I think it's wonderful that he is doing this I am very proud, but I am afraid of certain things.

For example:

The long hours of medical school and residency, I am not sure how much of a toll will take on him, our child and our relationship? Have any of you experience this and how is it? Is it manageable? Are the hours extreme?

Another thing: I can't believe I am saying this but we told people already and people are telling me that doctors cheat a lot and don't have time for their wives and husbands. I was offended and scared at the thought. My husband is a great man, but I am scared that once he works those long hours and is not home a lot he will forget about us in the house. I know I shouldn't think badly, but people are telling me from experience how bad it is. Ugh I don't know why people would tell me that but they are and I am even reading online stories and it scares me (even though deep down I know he wouldn't do something like this) It may just be all these stories that are getting to me idk??

So, I am honestly confused of what to think. It would be nice to hear all sides of the stories. Sorry for the rambling I just want some honest opinions TIA.

I can only speak from experience as a med school wife (residency is next year), that med school is extremely busy but not as bad as you think. He will have to spend a lot of time studying at home or at the library, but first two years are sort of the same hours as a fulltime job. I was so nervous about third year, but only a few of the rotations were bad, like surgery. Fourth year so far has been pretty good, minus his sub-internship. So I guess the bad parts come in waves, but comparitively short waves. As for the cheating, I wouldn't worry about it if you have a strong relationship now. My relationship with my husband has grown stronger during med school because we support each other so much, and we just had a baby and its hard but even better than it was before. Its hard being a med student spouse, but its really not as bad as you may think it is. You can do it, and good luck to you and your husband!

Honestly, I've not seen the cheating thing at all with the married guys in my class. Quite the opposite, actually - they are all extremely devoted to their wives (and I mean every one that is married in my class) from at least what it seems from my perspective). The married guys are very protective of time with their families, and we have several guys getting married this year, and they guard their time with their fiances even. I don't see that changing either, but then again - I go to a very small school that is family-oriented, and everyone that has a relationship really protects it in my class. The women who are married are the same way.

Medical school doesn't change your character (at least in my opinion). It may exacerbate some of your personality traits, but it doesn't change the core of who you are. I value time with my husband over anything else, and our relationship is stronger since I started medical school. He knows how to support me, and I know how to emotionally be there for him when it seems that is all I can do as a result of studying all the time. He does the housework and cooks when I am in school, and when I am out of school - I do it. We have a good routine for us that works, and we absolutely love spending time together when I have it.

I wouldn't worry too much about the cheating thing. The time thing- yes, it is time consuming. May I offer some advice - pick a lecture-based school. I go to a PBL-based type of school, and we do spend more hours studying than our lecture-based counterparts in my state. Mainly, because we read 1500-2000 pages in about four weeks and that is what we gather the information we are tested out of instead of having lectures and learning it from them. I think that would probably cut down the hours of nonstop reading and studying if you went to a lecture-based school.

Trust me, my school has its merits, but sometimes I wish I had just a little more time on my hands! Then again, I really do like PBL, and it works for me, so maybe this is the best method after all. Who knows...just some thoughts for you.

I just got a book called "surviving residency: a medical spouse guide to surviving the training years" off amazon. I think the woman who wrote it posts on this site sometimes. Anyway, I thought it was a pretty good book, and it might give you some insight on this whole process.
I am the wife of a resident as well as a resident myself, and sometimes I am not sure what is the harder job. Medical training is a lot to take on for the entire family and should be something that you decide to do together.