DH (married for 4 years) just finished his first semster of med school. It was a little stressful on our marriage at times, but we really rallied and have actually come out stronger with much better communication.

The plan is for me to start medical school at the same school in Fall of 2012, so he'll be two years ahead of me. I've already been accepted and have deferred. Because we're both older (he's 31 and I'm 27) we'd like to try for a baby before my 1M and possibly a second between my 1M and 2M or 4M. I'd like to avoid having a newborn during internship if possible.

My family lives 10-15 minutes away and are completely supportive and willing to help with childcare/finances etc. and I feel like I should take advantage of that. Because I've been working for his first year he's only had to get loans for tuition (~30K bc of some scholarships), but I'm terrified about the finances and logistics of it all. One possible option is for DH to take a year off to work so we can save uo some more(he has an advanced degree and was making ~85K before school) but he really doesn't want to do that.

Part of me thinks that maybe I should just work until he finishes, but the truth is that I've always wanted to be a doctor, was planning on going before we got married, and I worry that if I wait I won't end up going back. My family and DH say that yes it will be lean for a few years but 10 years from now everything will seem worth it. What do you women who have BTDT think? Advice, encouragement and reality checks greatly appreciated.

I haven't started medical school yet, but I've BTDT in the sense that dh and I had a baby in undergrad.

Your biggest expense will be childcare.

When you say that your family will help out, does that mean they'll be watching your baby full-time for free while you're working? or that they'll babysit on the weekends? Those are two very different things and will have a huge impact on what you can afford to do.

That being said, I would probably go with the plan you have.. if you need to take out more loans then so be it. If you guys end up being a two physician family then you can afford to pay them back (I don't take loans lightly, but at the same time, I think it's worth it to take on extra loans to have kids, especially since you're approaching 30). I agree with you that if you end up deferring until your dh is out of medical school, there is a good chance you won't end up going. Your first year of medical school would coincide with his intern year.. you'll both be busy, you'll want the support that he had his first year but he'll be unavailable. I guess if you have tons of family help it would be ok, but I wouldn't defer that long.

It's great that your dh is willing to take a year off to work. That could be a viable option as well, but again it just depends on your childcare situation. When dh and I were both going to school, he worked a job at night and on the weekends..we took on loans above the cost of school to get by. It sucks that we had to do it, but it is what it is!

Thanks for your insights. Yes, I figure that our biggest expense will be childcare, and we haven't quite figured that out yet. My mom is semi-retired, so she could definitely do at least two days per week, and my sisters would be available evenings and weekends but otherwise we would have to find a daycare or cobble something together. But I suppose that people have made things work in worse situations than ours!

One idea that we've had is that since we own our house, we could potentially rent out our basement in exchange for emergency/odd hour childcare. Has anyone had experience with this? How did it work out?

At some schools, you can do year one over 2 years so you'll be more flexible since you have half the load (but it will take more time to finish). Also, at my school, lectures are video streamed so you only need to come to campus for small group/labs/required stuff. You would need child care during those times. Some schools have a daycare on site so that may be an option for you. Try to save as much money as you can now while you are working!

I think it sounds totally doable. My husband and I were in the same med school class, had baby #1 during third year and baby #2 during 4th year. Childcare was a huge deal, and having my family nearby to help with nights/ mornings/ weekends was absolutely necessary. The first 2 years of med school tend to be flexible (you should have lots of insight into that through your hubby) and you will have time to get a routine established.

Residentmom: How are you and your husband coping with the debt burden of having had kids while in med school (I assume that you had to take out extra loans)?

Right now I think I'm interested in family practice, so I know that there are a lot of programs out there that will do loan repayment for FPs to work in underserved areas, but I'm still a little nervous about it.

It is great that you have extra room. That opens up all sorts of options, like an au pair or a live-in nanny, too. I guess it all depends on how much childcare your family will do and how much you will have to pay for.

Beware the extending 1 year over 2--some schools only make you pay per credit....some make you pay full tuition for both years. Be sure to check first!

I had 2 kids in med school. It is doable, esp since you're already 27 (I was 27 when I started). IMHO, your hubs should take out full loans now so you guys can have a nest egg available for daycare and childcare expenses. You'd be surprised at how quickly the money is drained, esp if you were used to an 85K/yr lifestyle.

My husband is luckily way too smart for a normal person, and had a full scholarship including stipend during medical school. He did end up taking out supplemental loans to help pay for our childcare (as did I). We were able to get our annual cost estimate increased by showing how much daycare cost us. I am an FP and he is an anesthesiologist. His small loan is almost paid off (7 years from med school) and mine are... definitely still there. I know they'll be paid off eventually, and since we consolidated when rates were REALLY low, they are actually costing me less interest than my money can earn in other places, so we are not in a rush to pay them off early. If you are certain you will do primary care, you should look into primary care loans, which can have a lower fixed interest rate as long as you continue to practice in primary care. Also think about rural medicine, where you can get loan repayment as part of your salary package (often both federal and state assistance). Life goes on, so you need to think about whether you will regret having or not having kids when you had the chance...

Thanks for this info residentmom. I am certain about FP (I'll be the 5th straight FP in my family and taking over our practice) and we will be living in what's considered a "medically underserved" rural area after school (which is where we're from) so it sounds like this could definitely work!

I think your plan sounds great. The only thing I'll add here is that you'll be entering third year when your hubby is starting intern year. Is he likely to be able to match at the same institution or in the same city as your med school? That will obviously depend on the specialty, how competitive the program is, etc., but it does occur to me, because you certainly wouldn't want to end up living apart with two kids during third year/intern year!

5th gen-how awesome for you and your family about your family practice!! That's great. I have worked in underserved areas and paid my loans back over 9 years with that type of reimbursement. Beware, some of them give you a lump sum and expect to see a lump sum put toward your loans, so you still have to make monthly loan payments until the loans are fully paid off. For example, say my loans were $100K and my payment was $500 per month. I got loan repayment, 50K over 2 years. I get the first lump sum of 25K and have to send it directly to my lender, then send a statement to the reimbursement people showing them I put 25K at once towards my loans. My monthly payment is still $500, even though I now owe 75K, roughly. It usually isn't worth consolidating again to lower your payment. So you may have a few years of 'full' payments while your reimbursements work. Just an FYI, it was something that surprised me. Not all reimbursements work this way though...

Just wanted to offer my encouragement. My husband and I are both second years and we have a four month old daughter. She is the light of our lives Can't really add anything terribly useful to what these experienced ladies have told you, but I'd reiterate the importance of support and flexibility. Make sure you establish a good relationship with the administration at your school, and have lots of discussions with your husband about division of labor once the baby arrives. I am so happy to see you have family nearby and you are close to them. I got an intrauterine infection after delivery, and had to be hospitalized for four days when my sweet girl was only 10 days old. Don't know how we would have made it through (and stayed relatively on top of school) without our family. As far as money, yes we'll have some serious loans to pay back, but we've planned carefully, and since we're either studying or taking care of the baby, we never really spend any money !! I don't want to bore you, but if you have any other questions, feel free to pm me. Good luck!

What about one of you giving up your dream and actually parenting your child? Rather than trying to "cobble' other people to do it for you.

Invariably, "one of you" will be the wife, especially in this case because the husband has already started his medical education. I think a lot of people do believe that women should stay home with their children instead of becoming professionals, but on this site -- MomMD -- not so much.

Thanks for all of the encouraging posts, they are really helpful.
To the person above who seems to have a problem with mom's with professional careers I'm not sure why you're on this site? I very much want to spend as much time with my future children as possible- I worked as a live-in nanny for a little girl from the day she came home from the hospital until she was a year old before starting college, so I know exactly what moments I'll be giving up to pursue my medical education and career. If it wasn't a difficult decision, I wouldn't be posting on here for advice.

I hope that by doing FP I will have some more flexibility than I otherwise would, and my DH and I have already discussed the possibility that at some point I may feel the need to stop working to stay home full-time. He and I are both comfortable with that risk because we believe that while children are a part of your life, they are not the whole thing. As much as it matters to me to have children, it also matters to me that I will be the fifth straight FP in my family- made even more rare because we're AA, so my first relative who was freed from slavery earned a medical education. That's a legacy that is equally as important to me to leave as is a child, and I hope that my future children will respect and be proud of their mother's determination to keep that hard-fought tradition alive for them.

Re: your family legacy - WOW! That's amazing! Your family must be so proud of their heritage!

I don't have any good words of wisdom and solution, but I just wanted to say best of luck and I think continuing that family tradition is pretty awesome!

Wow!

Your family is awesome, you can't let that go!
Since you obviously already know where you'll be practicing, start looking into rural repayment programs that are available in that area. I had one friend who committed to work at his tiny hometown hospital after medical school, so they went ahead and fronted his tuition and expenses in advance (under contract, of course). With all the support you have it really sounds like you have thought this through and can make it work. FP is a great field for moms (look how many of us are here!) and particularly in a practice where you are "family" you should be able to make a schedule that leaves time for both work and parenting. Good luck!

I'm really glad to have come across this thread, because I am in the same boat. I am a first year med student, and my husband is a 2nd year at the same school. We are thinking to start trying now(!) for our first baby.... but I'm so scared! We met with our dean of student services today and he was really nice but scared me off a bit with the prospect of having to take a year off if things don't go perfectly. I was thinking it would be better to have a baby now rather than during my clinical years, but now I'm worried about having something go wrong and missing a whole year. Any more advice anyone has, or stories about how and when they had kids would be so so welcome!

Also, 5thGenMD, your story is amazing! If it's any help... I have a few classmates who already have children, and they all say that the best time to have kids is BEFORE med school! Good luck to you!

<goosebumps>

Like lots of people have said - first of all, your story is amazing, and it sounds like your situation would be very doable. My husband and I had our baby during 4th year and now are both interns with lots of family help to care for our son. Having kids isn't easy - but it will never be easy if we go into medicine. Good luck

To 5th gen: DO IT! You are very fortunate in two regards: 1. you have already been accepted and are very committed to your career path and 2. you have family very close by who are able to help out. Look, raising children is never easy and always requires help by extended family, even if there is a stay at home parent involved! I am impressed that you and your husband have talked about these issues in depth already. It sounds like you would be great parents! Good luck. You are already far more prepared than my DH and I were when we first got pregnant...

I am in a similar situation - double med student household and we too are thinking of having a child. I have spoken to some residents who told me as hard as it seems to do during medical school - it is much harder to do during residency. So I think you are right to keep your current plan and not give up on your dream or family heritage.

I worry a lot about the finances too. We are lucky to not have loans but would likely need to take one out for childcare. However I am have been looking into frugal living and way to earn money on the side. I even started blogging about this - http://budgetandbargain.blogspot.com/

Will it mean I don't have to take a loan? Probably not. But it might reduce the amount significantly. I live in an expensive area so frugal living tips are great for me as well.