I am graduating from my undergrad in a week. My fiance will be beginning med school in the fall and I also have been wanting to go to med school for some time (for pediatrics), but it did not happen this year. I originally planned to study for the MCAT this summer and then apply for the next cycle (so I would be a year behind him). My delimma is that I am now questioning if maybe I should do nursing (an accelerated BSN program)instead. We want at least 4 kids (and to begin having them sooner rather than later)and I want to be a big part of their lives. I do not want to be a stay at home mom but with my husband having a demanding job as a physician, should I choose nursing instead? I just want to make the best decision for my future family and me. I know we could make it work either way, but if I know I would be happy being a nurse (but maybe not quite as satisfied in my career as being a doc-but probably more so happy with my family life), should that be the path I choose? Also, if I did nursing-our loan burden would be lighter and I could start making money sooner. My fiance just wants me to be happy and is supportive either way so he isn't much help and my family and friends don't understand the medical profession enough to give advice. All of the info I have found on the internet says that it can work if your husband or family is able to help out. However, my future husband will be in med school so he will be very busy and my parents have full time jobs and would not be able to help out much during the day with kids.

-Also, is being a nurse almost just as time consuming and therefore, it wouldn't be that much better to be a nurse because my kids would still have to be cared for by other people at times) and therefore, I should just be a doc since it is the career I most want to do...??

Any advice would be appreciated! Thank you! I am so confused!

PA PA PA PA!

Or Anesthecist (sp)? Look up Emory's program for AA...I have two friends married to each other who each bring in over 100K that are this. They travel frequently, live in a very nice (expensive) home in one of the best areas of my state's CITY, and are super happy with their lives. They are also not workaholics.

Two year committment - more money than nursing for the same time put into it - and flexibility to switch between fields (PA) or work in the OR with lots of different patients or pain management (AA). Fantastic choices for you!

If you wanted originally to be a doc but want four kids - if I were you - I'd definitely choose one of these - probably AA - and study in what is more of a medical model. I think I would vomit if I had to learn nursing theory. That's just me, though.

You do what is best for you, but best of luck making your decision.

On the other hand - we have a fabulous med student on here SW to MD - who has like five kids? Or is it four? Whatever the number, she's like a super mom. And student. And she goes to a school that supports her. So maybe she will chime in on how to have lots of kids and do this effectively? Not sure how this would work with a two-physician household, although there are definitely posters on here who are part of that kind of marriage too.

Good luck.

I think that if you want ANY demaning career that you actually plan to work in and are also married to man with a demanding career, having more than 2 kids isn't the best idea unless you begin your demanding career when your kids are all almost adults.

Sure anything can be done, but at what cost? If the "cost" doesn't matter to you, then go for it! And when I say "cost", I'm talking about YOUR emotional, physical, and mental well being. EVERY woman I know of with 2+ kids, married to a man with a demanding career LOOKs like they're constantly stressed the heck out 24/7 and it's usually obvisous that they don't take very good care of themselves because they're so busy taking care of everyone else. IMHO, this is indicative of the fact that the "burden" of maintaing this family set up frequently and unfairly falls on the shoulders of the woman and if you can avoid it, I wouldn't put myself in this position.

OTOH, if you already had 1 or 2 kids before you started med school, that would change things a little because you'd already have an idea of how to balance multiple obligations. But going into this with NO IDEA how YOU are going to be as a Mom and what YOUR needs and desires as a Mom are going to be, with only anecdotal stories from the VERY few folks who have done this, makes planning to have 4 kids in a 2 Doc family a pretty bad idea IMHO.

Again, I think the question comes down to how much are the sacrifices that must be made to make this work worth to you given that NONE of us no matter how many kids we have, ever really "has it all" at the same time.

Well, yes, there are some women physicians here who have >= 4 kids and at least one has a physician husband, too (residentmom!). But this is not the usual arrangement because it is very challenging. Most of us have fewer kids and still have trouble balancing it all. Some of us have actually quit medicine because of it, and having a professional husband seems to be a risk factor for that (because they are less likely to compromise their own careers for family reasons). As pathdr2b says, the full burden of childbearing and childrearing tends to fall on the mother, so that is why there is a MomMD support group and not a DadMD one.

There are plenty of careers in healthcare that are more compatible with family life, if that is what is most important to you. If you know you would be happy with nursing, then that sounds like a good choice. It is definitely not as time-consuming as being a physician: the education/training is fewer hours/day and of course many years shorter, and the actual work is shift work, although some nurses choose to work a lot of overtime (and get paid time and a half).

I'll chime in as a mother of four in medical school.

My husband does not have a demanding career, but he does a lot house related- dishes/laundry/etc. (I do the cleaning of the house on Saturday mornings with the kids while he is at work- it's evil child labor, but I have a checklist, and a jar full of quarters they get for working through it with me.) So yes, for the record, our apartment is scary on Friday evenings and shines Saturday afternoons- but that is what works.

But when it comes to the 'others', that falls squarely on me. Birthday parties- sometimes DH will transport, but I do the RSVP, present-buying, put on calendar, etc. School extras= conferences/sports/homework/etc = me. Schedule, put on calendar, DH sometimes transports, we do homework after school. Play dates? My children do not get as many- simply because I do not have the time during the academic year. Not that with three other siblings they are lacking for interaction. :P

Daycare- finding of places, figuring out costs/transport/etc. = me with his input.

Doctor's appointments = me. Which is a whole extra topic on the horrible fine line you walk as a mother and medical student.

Birthday presents, holiday stuff, vacations, bills, etc. falls on me. Which I have made a conscious effort to start shifting more to DH.

And my husband works 30 - 40 hours/week outside of the home.


That all being said:

if you want medical school, you go for it. It is hard, being a mother is hard. The two together, well, you get the picture. But if you settle for something else and regret it later, it could become a point of contention.

Look into the other options (PA, NP, etc) and see if one appeals to you, then make your decision.

There are some 2-physician families on here- hopefully they will chime in soon. My perspective is limited in being a med student and not having a partner in a demanding field. Med school is such a small part of it- you have to look at the long term.

Good luck!

" But if you settle for something else and regret it later, it could become a point of contention".

This doesn't have to be the case if she plans to attend med school later.

There's a full fledged Doc on Oldpremeds that did just that, became a nurse, worked at that for about 15 or more years while raising 3 kids, then went to med school.

But I agree with you, she should definitely go for med school as should anyone who really wants it. The fact is that right now, she has neither husband nor children, so technically the skies the limit! I forgot the mention previously that making career plans based on situations which may exist in the future is a VERY risky venture.

My husband and I are both interns (me- anesthesia, him- internal medicine) and have a son who's 15 months old. We plan to have more kids BUT we have wonderful family support including my MIL who does at least 50 hours of childcare per week and is incredibly flexible. My parents are also close by and if needed can usually drop what they're doing and stay over for a night (or a week, which only happened once thank god!). Without family help I think this would be very difficult, if not impossible. As attendings I think this will change, but as residents and medical students there is just no flexibility and you can't work part time.

If you think you would be just as happy being a nurse or PA or CRNA or AA then go for that instead! I really love medicine and anesthesia but sometimes when I look to our future (more kids, more committments) I think it would've been easier to be a CRNA. Of course, I also think I wouldn't be happy that route because I like having the background that makes me more comfortable with critical care, etc. So would I change things? No. But then again, I have so much family support that our son doesn't do much childcare outside our "extended home".

I will admit though, that I didn't plan my life expecting to love being a mom so much. If this is something you're already looking ahead for, and it sounds like you want to be home a lot, then maybe being in a 2 physician household isn't the right choice. I would be happy working part time- as in 4 days per week. But I really like to work. I couldn't stay home.

Hello, I am the crazy person with 4 kids married to an MD.
DH and I were in the same med school class, had our first 2 kids during school (3rd year, 4th year), 1 during my residency, and 1 while I was an attending but he was still a resident. I worked full time while he completed his residency and fellowship for 3 years, and now he is an attending and I work part time. We always wanted 4 kids, and now we have them. As SW above, I do the majority of the planning and execution of kid related activities, and basically assign driving or associated duties to my husband. Realistically it can't be done in any kind of organized fashion unless one person is in charge, and I am too type A to let him do it. Luckily he is OK with letting me run the "home show" so to speak. When we both worked full (+) time, we had a full time nanny, which was fabulous and definitely the way to go. She handled a lot of the day to day driving, homework, classes, etc and took those off my plate. I happen to live in a neighborhood that is about 95% physicians, many 2 physician famiies and many with SAHMs. I feel like I have a happy medium and I would definitely do it again. There are of course drawbacks: we could have bought a new luxury car AND a boat EVERY YEAR for what we paid for daycare. We are just now starting to address retirement planning. We stay busy between work and kids activities (although I also run 15 miles a week, get my hair done, and spend quality time alone!). Family support was key while we were med students, my parents and my sister were closeby and helped out. During our residencies we did not have that luxury and quickly learned to ask for help and work together to solve childcare issues. All this rambling to say, YES, you can definitely do it. Whether you want to is another question entirely, and only you can know that. Certainly you will want to try to get at least one year of med school under your belt before you decide if you can handle the kids. If you don't have your heart absolutely set on med school, then I agree with the PA option, or CNP. you'll never be in charge, but you'll be a lot more flexible.

OK I agree with all of those above who responded to the OP. I work just under half time, my husband is a Dentist so we are not technically a two physician household. We have two sons, 13 and 10 now. Our first was born my final year of residency. Honestly, if our children had been born earlier, I do not think I would be a physician now. The demands of Medical School and residency training are just too great. My 10 year old gave me a mother's day card today, it said " I am glad you are my mother because you are home every day when I get home from school". This almost made me cry! This is what is important to my kids right now and I am so glad I am able to be there for them right now.

If I were you, I would either pursue other options (PA, nurse anesthetist, etc) or wait until you are done or almost done with your medical training (if you choose Medical School) to have your kids. However, no one can really say what anyone else should do. Just wanted to share my experience! Good luck!

These type posts are what's so frustating about the site sometimes, the feminist chant "we're women and we can do ANYTHING" is a pipe dream in reality. Sure just about ANYTHING can be done, but I believe the OP's question was is it a bad idea?

I think the answer is yes (actually hell yes) for reasons which I outlined and a few which I didn't. I personally wouldn't have been very comfortable with a Nanny, and if people think daycare is like "someone else raising your kids" then I imagine having a nanny is like "having someone that does everything but sleep with your husband" (maybe that's a bad example since there are too many cases of the nanny sleeping with the the husband, Charlie Sheen), LOL!!I just needed to be more hands on with my kid/family, something the OP won't know until she has a family.

Ultimately though, there is no right or wrong with these types of decisions, just what works for YOU. Just keep the rose colored glasses off while you're making your decision.