Hi everyone, I'm new here and this is my first post. I've been reading through the forums and wanted to see if I could get some insight from those of you that are moms and doctors or are pursuing medicine.

To give you a little background I am 31 with a 3 1/2 year old daughter, I've been married for 5 years to an extremely supportive husband. I have been a full time student since our daughter was almost a year old and I've been a full time stay at home mom since we had her.

Up until this point I have been pursuing a bachelor of nursing degree with an interest in continuing on to a masters to be a nurse practitioner. My goal is to work with pediatric oncology patients and my husband feels that going to med school vs nursing school would give me a wider scope and allow me to have more influence over the care of my patients.

My biggest concerns are the amount of time it takes to get through med school, how much time would be taken away from my family, I refuse to have a latch key child, and whether it is really worth it.

I am only about 5 classes away from being able to apply to the nursing program, otherwise I will have at least another 2 years to finish out the medical pre reqs and the bachelors degree. I really want to be able to follow my heart and help oncology patients, but after some rough times in my marriage I've realized how important my marriage and my family is.

My husband is extremely supportive and wants me to do whatever I feel will make me happy. I'm not really considering being a doctor for the money or prestige, I just want to know that I'm making a difference in my patients lives. I debate on whether being a nurse or nurse practitioner in the oncology specilization will give me the opportunities that I'm looking for, or if pursuing med school would be better.

Our daughter would be a bit older and in school by the time I would even get to med school, but I just worry about the life balance once I would become a doctor. I would really appreciate any advice you might have.

Thanks so much for your time.

Sonseria

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Personally, I always find it strange that things which were/are rite's of passage into adulthood for some folks, such as coming home by one's self as a responsible teenager, have the same connotation as being a potential juvenile delinquent.

Your refusal to have a latch key kid at any stage of their childhood says to me do nursing until the last one finishes high school.

Well considering that my daughter is 3 1/2 and I have absolutely no intention of having a complete stranger raising my child then I have every right to be concerned that I would be spending too much time away from home.

The problem these days is everyone is too concerned with money and not concerned enough with being a responsible parent. It's scary to see some of these stories of people having children and being doctors and their children are raised by nannies, or never see their parents, or aren't even potty trained at 5 years old. This to me is neglect. No JOB on the face of the planet is worth not being a good parent to your child. If you have no intentions of taking care of your child then you need to not have a family and focus on your career instead.

This is not to say that you cannot have a decent life/work balance, however you really need to question what is important in your life. For me it's my family. I want to help people in my career, but I am not going to scar my child in the process, nor should I be told not to attempt having a career until my child is in highschool.

My children are in full time daycare, and I happen to be interviewing nannies tomorrow. I take serious issues with the assertion that someone else is raising my four children. Yes, we have a village. But we direct how things are done, and my children know who I am. Surprisingly enough, I am not about the money either. I am a happier parent when engaged in studying towards my career goal. Some are happier at home, others at work, yet others with a bit of both. My children are not neglected; they are happy, healthy and whole.

To answer your question, you will be away from your daughter more than just the hours she is in school, even in medical school. Perhaps the first two years you could do more from home, depending on your school, but third year is 80+ hours per week, and includes overnight call, evenings, and weekends- and the exact schedule will change every 4-6 weeks, again school-dependent. That is not optional. Residency is like third year. After that, it is field-/region-/group-dependent to an extent.

If you do not want your child to ever be cared for by anyone other than you, you will need your husband to stay home full-time. Based on your strong feelings, I would suggest you look into more flexible options.

Nobody said you can't attempt having a career until your child is in high school; the fact is that medical training is incompatible with full-time (or even most-time) parenting. If you are envisioning being home at 3 PM every day for the next 14 years, don't apply to med school.

Nursing is a career, and it has much more potential for schedule control in general (although it's important to note that nursing shifts are not arranged around the school day). Based on your stated priorities it sounds like a better fit.

I appreciate the input from everyone. It's definitely a tough decision. I feel that I have a strong desire to help children in the medical field, however I don't want to feel that I am neglecting my own child. I agree that many families are able to accomidate the struggles of such an enveloping career choice. Perhaps my issues come from the fact that she is our first and only child and I am particularly protective of her.

My husband is very supportive and wants me to follow my heart and do what I think will make me happy. I've just had an extremely difficult time trying to balance decisions since we've had our daughter. I always feel that I am putting her before me no matter what I do, but I also know that I have to make a good career choice in order to be able to take care of her. It's a bit of a conundrum. I know that you can't let your life stop because you have children, but at the same time you can't be selfish and act as though you don't have any responsibility towards your children.

Thanks again for the advice.

Take Care,
Sonseria

I can never figure out what people expect to hear when they start threads like this. Like, maybe we're all gonna chime in with: medical training is AWESOME for work-life balance! You can become a doctor during nap time and still be a full-time mom! No one else will raise YOUR kid!

*sigh*

And then, you insult us with this: "you can't be selfish and act as though you don't have any responsibility towards your children".

Because that's clearly what we're all about here on mommd.

Sincerely,
Emily, who will spend 80+ hours in the ICU this week, away from my beloved son, but who is nevertheless now and forever, his mother

^LIKE.

No, wait. LOVE.

Evidently I must have hit a nerve. I think you have to remember that becoming a doctor was your decision, not anyone elses. I am not expecting to hear someone tell me that life will be a grand walk in the park and that I'll never be away from my child. We each have our callings and difficult decisions in life to make. I was simply seeking advice as to how those moms that do choose to pursue careers in medicine balance their lives with their children and spouses.

My intent was not to insult anyone. There is just a simple fact in life that not everyone that has a family is concerned with the welfare of their children. There are many people that spend more of their time away from their families than they do with them. I don't feel that this is fair to the children involved. I'm not saying that all of these people enjoy it or do it because they want to, many have no other choice and I understand that. I was trying to make the point that if your career is more important than your family then maybe you shouldn't be a parent attempting to raise children and go to medical school at the same time.

Sounds to me like you're a bit sensitive to the fact that you spend way too much time away from your child trying to balance career and family. And this is something that I am trying to decide for myself. I'm not here seeking advice so that I can ultimately insult you and everyone else here on this forum.

Oh, a troll! Fun!
I agree with Emily.
To the OP: If you want to spend all your time raising your child and never have her in any one else's care, then be a stay at home mom. That is the only position that is going to satisfy your requirements. If she turns out completely insecure because she's never been out of your sight, I would not be surprised, but to each their own. You asked us if you can be a doctor in your "free" time and dedicate yourself to your true goal, which is child raising, and the answer is an emphatic NO. Not that I think you are really asking that, but there is your answer.