Could someone please tell me what to go into? That would be great.

I really think I might like Anesthesia. Pediatric anesthesia. I love children more than I ever thought I would, but I don't know if I want continuity of care. Don't think I do really. I like complexity, problem-solving, figuring things out, fixing things, but I also like doing things.

Then I think I might like Emergency Medicine. But at least at our ER - sometimes it seems like they throw a lot of tests out and then ship the patient off. I know they can do more than that, and I know they are super smart, but has defensive medicine and other services admitting the patients quickly ruining what I might like about EM?

Then there is Pediatrics itself. I think I would love Heme-Onc. Or Neonatology. I spent 5 semesters volunteering in the NICU in undergrad. Loved it. I feel drawn to the NICU. I love the babies so much. Is this because I am a mom, or am I truly right for this? I want to love on my patients and see them get well, but I think I could handle death too. Is the tiny field of Peds Heme-Onc right for me? I have no idea.

And I'm frustrated, because my third-year doesn't allow an anesthesia rotation prior to the period that I will need to be submitting for ERAS and my military residency app! Not only that - I have to book my away for the military by January! Not to mention know what I'm going to book as a visiting student for an away, which I'd really like to do.

How the hell am I supposed to know what is best for myself? I think I could love any of these, but which is best?

Can anyone help me sort through personality, aspects of job, strengths with these careers? I've messaged with anesthesia residents and applicants on this board and talked with some, as well as an EM doc. That helped some, but maybe I should just appeal globally to my Mommd moms.

Things are a bit different for me with teh military scholarship I'm on. The AF gets first dibs at me, but I am required to submit for ERAS also. The AF can then defer me in December when our match happens if they want me to take a civilian residency spot. Regardless, let's just say I'm competitive board score wise, so no worries there. Not sure if I'll be AOA. I have a shot.

Help me think through things here. I start Peds in a week or so. I know I'm going to love it. I've seen some kids in Family, and I spent so much time in the NICU - I already love it there.

But EM? Anesthesia with its cool fellowship? What else?

I did not like FM very much. I don't think I want IM. Really, the ones I've mentioned are my top contenders.

I'm putting out some feelers myself on a different site re: surg vs. gas vs. EM vs. OB/Gyn. I'd be happy to share my advice when it comes in.

From a MGH anesthesia applicant:
http://mghanesthesiaresidentrecruitment....nt-example.html

Truth is, you'd be fine with any of the above. The choice is so hard because you literally can't go wrong with any of them!

Everyone is happy in Anesthesia, aren't they? To be honest - using powerful pharm, physio knowledge, and critical decision-making skills is super appealing. Especially if I could apply it to neonates, kids, etc. I would love to work at a children's hospital all day long. I absolutely love pharm. Weird, isn't it?

Asunshine - the irony is not lost on me with that PS. Ugh - let's hope that the AF picks me and I get to go right into what I want without a delay. I'm already an older applicant - not quite the spring chicken some of my fellow AF match applicants will be.

And yes megboo - share your insight!

Hubs and I talked again last night. Sister and I talked too. I'm really leaning anesthesia, then burning my four year AF payback as general anesthesia, then applying to fellowship in civilian world for pediatric anesthesia. That's the plan now - who knows it could change.

My sister thinks that I'll be able to enjoy taking care of people, but not always internalize or bring it home with me the same way I would if I worked in neonatology or heme/onc. She thinks it would be better for me knowing me the way she does. Her first concern was that I wouldn't be able to let go of the situations at work when I got home. She's got a good point. I throw myself into things like that. That's also why I'd be a good doc too, though (flip side).

Hmmm.

No matter what aspect of medicine you are involved in you will deal with tragedy, but I agree the quotient will be higher with some areas. When tragedy occurs you may be more removed from the patient and family than the surgeon/oncologist/internist/pediatrician. It could help some, but I prefer to me more involved especially when tragedy occurs. It helps me process the experience and feel like I'm able to do something meaningful for the patient and family even if it's just supporting them.

I think the aspect of anesthesia that would be difficult for me would be not having any long-term relationships with patients. As a hospitalist, I have less continuity but enough to keep me satisfied.

Peds heme-onc definitely has it's tragedies, but is has success in the majority of cases. Neonatology is a great field, but you have to decide if you want the 24/7 lifestyle throughout your career.

One other aspect of things for me is that sometimes the best outcome for a patient is a comfortable death. Although it is still tragic, I am glad I can provide this for patients.

It sounds like anesthesia may be a great fit for you. I enjoyed it much more than I expected to and wish I would have had more exposure earlier in medical school.

How will I know what I will like in 20 years? What if I really DO want longterm relationships with patients? I absolutely love patient interaction, and I've been told I'm excellent with patients - highest evals possible on this from physicians on this clerkship.

Maybe I don't need Mommd for specialty insight...maybe I need a psych consult for myself. LOL.

If you find out you really do want long term relationships with patients but are in anesthesia you can always do chronic pain... some of the work is short term consultation, but there also seem to be long term patients, at least at many of the clinics. Definitely an area with lots of need (and a ton of research going on).

Since your third-year doesn't allow an anesthesia rotation, can you shadow for a few days/hours on a weekend/off day/holiday break? It may not be the same as a true rotation but you will get a feel for the specialty.

Yes - I plan to try to connect with some of the docs to do that.

Why is it so hard to choose a specialty? This is ridiculous.