I have had this experience and I'm so sorry that you are going through it too. I work full time and when my son was around 9 months old or so, he started crying and reaching for the daycare teachers when I would come to pick him up. It was incredibly heartbreaking. I also night-weaned my son at 12 months (he is 13 months now) and he will not let me comfort him at night. He fusses until husband comes in and then reaches for him.

I'm just hoping it is a phase with my child and I hope that it is with your child too. It is so tough and you are not alone. The advice given by the others is very good too.

As I dash off to work: There is a ton of research out there that the first "peak" of marital satisfaction is during pregnancy with the first child, and the biggest low is during that first 1-2y after that child is born. It's a huge, huge effect. Not to say things are hopeless, but rather to normalize - it's overwhelmingly common to have way more marital stress at this exact point than ever before in your marriage. Doesn't mean your marriage isn't, overall, still a 12/10.

More thoughts if I get time to write them down later. Again, it sure sounds like you guys are doing a great job trying to deal with this all head on, even with the recent difficulties....!!!

That is interesting that 'mommy confusion' can happen with daycare. I had no idea. Thanks for letting me know. This makes me feel a lot better. I was kicking myself thinking that if I had chosen daycare over my mother in law, I wouldn't have this heartbreak.

I can't believe the same thing is happening with you regarding night weaning. I wonder if there is a way to night wean without getting the little ones to only want to be comforted by dads. I plan to night feed my next son until he is a year, but I am really afraid of the same night rejection happening. I am happy to report that my son seems to be preferring his dad less and less as time passes. Now, he sometimes just wants to lay down with me to go to sleep. I can just imagine some raised eye brows with that comment We are pretty crunchy and his bed is attached to ours and he is free to climb into our bed any time.

Interesting! I think our marriage followed that pattern, although a few months after our son was born we both started internship which probably added to the stress and overall dissatisfaction. We are trying to reconnect now and I feel so much better about our relationship when he is home more and not on night float or something where we never see each other.

Also, regarding a prior post you made, clee, about your psychiatrist friend, that sounded like a valid point. Is your husband nervous you will be outright mean to his mom if you have a discussion with her? It sounded like she understood your concerns when your husband talked to her.

Another thought- would or could you sign up your son for some kind of part time playgroup or preschool or daycare thing a couple days a week? Some might argue it is best for the baby to have the same routine every day but my son does part time daycare and part time with my mother in law and he has been less attached to her once he started daycare. Different caregivers and different environments are good for him I think.

Let us know how it is all going. Your situation really hits home with me.

Happy Endings!

Things are so much better now.

I started taking one day off per week, and this has put so many things in perspective. And I am much happier.

My mother in law started to go home when I get home more often. Because we are trying to cut down on unnecessary expenses like eating out, we are eating at home most days. My mother in law is very particular about what she eats and doesnt want to eat a lot of what we eat.

She still can't seem to help herself when she is around my son, but since our time so limited, I don't feel like she is really taking time away from me as much. And I have decided that this is a good problem. I was sick for the whole weekend, and on Saturday, my husband pretty much dumped the boy off on his mother, and on Sunday, he got cranky because taking care of the boy for the whole day was too much for him. And I noticed that instead of interacting with my son, my husband is looking at his phone. I am starting to realize that he would have made a terrible SAHD. It is a blessing to have a caretaker who loves my son so much. She is constantly reading and singing with him. She plays with him and takes him to playgrounds, zoos, library readings, and such.

Finally, my son is well adjusted and thriving. I have decided that whatever the problem, the problem is mine and not his. So I decided to not stress and be happy. Wish me luck!

What a wonderful update! So glad to hear things are better!

I'm so glad things are improving and that you are finding an extra day off so much better.

Way to go, cleo!

That's great news!

So glad to hear!!!