Hi all, I'm 22 and graduated from college this past Spring. I was pre-med all throughout college, although a little part of me had always worried about whether medicine was really a good fit for me because of my desire to have a big family and spend a decent amount of time at home raising kids. I've been back and forth between doctor and nurse practitioner for the past few years, and was frustrated that I couldn't confidently make a decision and decided to apply to medical school anyway. Yesterday I found out I was accepted. I'm so excited, but at the same time I really want to think this decision through and not jump into medical school just because it's right there in front of me. My concerns about medical school are I want to have several children when I'm older (after finishing residency), and be able to work part time for awhile at least while my kids are young (not sure what route I want to go but currently interested in peds). I'm worried that after I'm done residency around age 30 or so, I'll have so much debt from school that working part time and starting a family won't be very realistic. I think NP would be more flexible in regards to this, and schooling is not as long so I would be able to have kids earlier, but I know if I choose this path some little part of me will always wonder if I would have been more satisfied being a physician (and especially knowing I got this far).

For any doctors/residents/med school students willing to respond, do you have any regrets about your decision?

For any NPs, do you find your career just as exciting and rewarding as those of your physician co-workers?

I'm a scribe so I work with docs, PAs, and NPs in the ER everyday, but nonetheless am having a hard time deciding. I feel like I won't REALLY know what a career as an NP or MD will be like until I'm there. And of course I feel silly trying to "plan" my future with when I want to get married, how many kids I want, etc., but I can't help thinking about it! Any advice or insight will be greatly appreciated!

You don't say if you are married yet or not which impacts just how hypothetical the situation is...

If you really want to be a doctor then do it, there are Plenty of us around here who are married, have children (even lots), are med students/residents/attendings and make it work.

Just know that it is not easy and your spouse must be fully supportive for it to work.

I am 32, married with a spouse who has a professional career, have one toddler and a baby on the way and am a second year resident. Despite my crippling amt. of debt I will go into primary care and work part time at first. I am now getting used to ignoring the debt, no use fretting- it won't go away any sooner.

Knowing my personality, I would never be satisfied being an np which is why I chose this route. Only you can decide if you would be satisfied in that career- if so go for it! But don't let a bunch of hypotheticals stop you from going to med school if that is what you really want.

Thanks for the advice. No I'm not married, have a serious boyfriend of 3 years but we will see what happens, this is all just hypothetically speaking...

I guess I just have been hearing/reading alot of stories about how for many women, their priorities change once they begin having a family and suddenly they realize they're in a difficult situation and somewhat regret their career choice because of the stressful circumstances and limited ability to stay at home and raise a family. I'm confident that I would LOVE being a doctor but don't want to be one of those people who regrets their decision years later if I am lucky enough to have a family.

Thank you very much for your insight!

i wish I had become an NP. seriously. i was dissuaded from it because my physician (ophthalmologist) father said that he wouldn't be satisfied practicing medicine without having gone to medical school.
well, i'm sure that's true for him. but with my personality, i now realize that I could have been VERY happy! i'm not the truly die-hard ambitious 'type' and I wish I had realized that sooner (like when I was 22 )
so i agree with a previous poster who said it's all about knowing your personality. do you really crave being a doctor? or do you just like the medical field?
if the former, go to med school and if the latter, enjoy your more manageable life as an NP.

I'm glad I went to medical school, but after seeing how flexible PAs are in the working world I may have considered it instead. In the ED for example they do four 10 hour shifts a week and have a much lower debt burden. But, knowing my younger self, I wouldn't have settled for anything else once I decided I wanted to be a physician.

If I had to do it all over again, I wouldn't have gone to medical school, but I am hoping that I change my mind in a year when I am an attending working part-time (primary care job search on currently!). Med school and residency is a long, dark hole, but it is only temporary, and if you are flexible about how much money you want to make in the end, there is a dim light at the end of the tunnel. If I were you, I would do everything in my power to minimize the amount of debt you take on because you are right that, at the end, you have to make enough to pay it off. I was lucky to have a very supportive working spouse all through med school, so my debt load is very manageable compared to most and is allowing me to seek the part-time options now. They are right above about personality being an important consideration...I am personally someone that doesn't mind oversight and isn't afraid to take orders, so I would likely have been happy in a mid-level capacity; however, of course there are benefits to being the "end all" in your field. Weigh carefully and shadow as much as possible now while you have a chance to make this important decision prior to taking on the related debt! Good luck and congrats on your acceptance!

I was an RN before going to med school. I am SO glad I went to medical school, and looking back, I would have HATED being a NP. I tend to be very academic about things, I gravitate toward the complicated, so being an NP, as "independent" as it is, would have driven me nuts.

Personally, I wish I had gone straight to medical school without a 5-year detour into nursing. Being an older med student, I couldn't wait ovary-wise until my training was finished to have kids, so I had 2 kids in med school. They are the best thing that's ever happened to me, but that's not saying it isn't/won't be hard...I'm a little jealous of my female classmates who will be completely done with training before they're 30! They will have so many options!

You are right to worry about debt. However, I do think part-time could be an option right out of residency. There is income-based repayment, plus if your spouse works on top of your part-time work, it wouldn't be too awful to pay your student loan payment.

It all comes down to what kind of mom-doctor you are, and the hard part is, you won't know until you become both of those. If you will be the type of mom that would hate that you couldn't be at every PTA meeting and bake things for the bake sale and be ready with the camcorder for baby's first _____ , you might not be happy in medicine.

That being said, I want to reiterate that physicians do NOT make bad mothers simply by virtue of their chosen career. If you choose medicine, you will still be a fine mother for your children, I am sure. I do think medicine suffers a brain drain from bright and intelligent women who pre-emptively chose a different career because of theoretical family concerns. The concerns are of course valid, but it's too bad that our profession might lose out on some great future role models, who actually would balance work and family with skill and style.

You should watch this video--great food for thought, especially toward the middle (6:30).

This picture is so true!

Awesome video asunshine, thanks for sharing. I loved all of it but especially the part from 13:45 until 16:15. Do not leave until you leave! You won't come back unless your job is compelling/challenging. Keep your foot on the gas pedal until you have the decision to make. SO TRUE! I'm really inspired!

I really liked that part, too. How inspiring. Thanks for the video.

Her TED talk is awesome too.

That segment is great! Just watched it this morning (the segment). I need to ask myself what is worth me leaving my son for? Maybe that will help me choose...

Here is the link , for those of you who don't want to Google it. "Sit at the table"--that really convicts me; I'm the type to shrink back, and this really motivates me.

New Yorker article , not sure if you can read it all or if you need a subscription...

I like it when she says, "Lean in". Fires me up. Like, forget part-time private practice. Maybe I should aspire to be division chief ... or dean.



FWIW, this is not my impression of you.

While I don't necessarily agree with all of her points on inequalities, I do like the overall message of not leaving until you leave and not settling. I believe that women CAN find balance as a hardworking physician AND a mother. I've seen it and lived through it from the child aspect, and now I'm putting my feet in the water to try myself as a mother.

I never went into medicine wanting to be a CEO or Dean, though. I'm looking forward to a nice community practice in whatever I specialize in. But I am inspired by her to not settle for a specialty that I won't be the most happy in, or to defer promotion or advancement. I may miss out on some things with my son, but I don't want to give him an example of compromising happiness either.

I'm very fortunate to have a wonderful support system in my husband as well. I know with my support system my son won't be neglected.

Oh gosh, it's a vestige of my nursing days. "Yes, sir, okay sir. Whatever you say..."

I'm trying hard to get back my gumption, so I'm glad you think so!

Megboo, I think that is a good point. Not everyone wants the same thing out of life or their careers, and it's something I think that women are historically bad (ok, horrible) at--we don't support each other very well, especially when someone else's work/life choices differ from our own. (See: the sahm who thinks working moms are depriving their children or the working mom who things sahms are caving in to gender stereotypes.)

Haha, I don't know any nurses like that! Some real feisty ones out there. I come from a family full of nurses.

It is weird because I do feel like I have stepped back from leadership positions in my group. I am starting to work part time and would go even more part time if finances would allow it. Before baby, I was gearing up for whatever leadership position would suit me best. I was debating between president type of positin vs major clinical director type of position. Now I just want to spend more time with my son. And as I see my male collegues with children step into these positions without a second thought, I can't help feeling a little guilty like I let, what myself, women everywhere, or something/someone down. But the truth is, I am happier this way. Well, I am telling myself that once kids are in school I will go gung ho again. We'll see. May be I am happier working part time. May be when kids are in school, I would rather be rock climbing than politicking with people in some committee. We'll just have to see.

LOL that's my problem, I would start feisty, then give up too easily. (Then tried not to say "I told you so" when it turned out I was right the first time....)

clee, I think that there are "seasons" in your life, some where family needs more attention, others where the job gets more attention. I hate how we talk about our lives having to be "50/50" or "balanced". Life's just not like that.

One thing I've been trying to tell myself is that while my family, myself, my patients, and my teachers all have feelings, my medical school and my job do not. Whatever I "owe" is owed to other human beings, not institutions. Did that make sense? My point is don't feel guilty unless you've done someone wrong. And you haven't done anyone wrong . Quite the opposite, in fact.

Excellent point about seasons. Also, our priorities change when the "seasons" change. Before Viktor, I was so career-oriented it wasn't even funny. I still am, but I probably won't be as aggressive until he's older. I just look at that little face and melt! But it's not enough to keep me from going back to "work" - I really, really need that for my sanity.

But then again, maybe something will fall in my lap someday too good to pass up! Nothing is ever set in stone. As we say in our family - you want to make God laugh, make plans.