After reading the posts on work/life balance in another forum I decided to post my own story here. I recall being a hard working resident with no life and wondering when/if things would get better. Well, now that I'm out in practice and DONE with training LIFE is much, much better. I thought I'd share more of my journey/thoughts in hopes of helping others look for the elusive "balance" question.

When I started medical school at 25 yrs old I was single with no children. Now I'm 38 yrs old, married to another physician (busy full time surgeon) with 2 children (almost 4 and 7 yrs old) my life looks much different. It's hard to anticipate all the changes you go through and how you and your loved ones will react to these changes.

Medical training is VERY HARD. There were many nights on call at the hospital when I would look out of the window and long to NOT be there. The hospital felt like a jail. You know it's 3 years of residency but it seems like FOREVER when you are actually going through it. I made the mistake of having my 1st child during my 3rd year of residency. Now I don't regret having my daughter but I do regret having her during my busy training and not having had any time with her when she was a baby. I was working 60-70 hrs weekly and her 1st year of life was a blur. When she turned one, at her birthday party my overwhelming emotion was RELIEF that I had actually survived it. I was hell bent on breast feeding (she got up twice a night) and I resented how terribly sleep deprived I felt. She was in daycare as we had no family nearby. It was a rough time. Looking back, I'm not sure how I made it- you do what you have to do to survive.

If you have a baby during your training you need to think HARD about your resources because child care and support for you as a new mother are essential. My husband was working full time, our new baby was in daycare full time and I felt like a terrible new mom.

The following year I did a demanding 1 year fellowship that I LOVED. However it required me to work every day including week-ends (the first 6 months) although I did not have any overnight call. So I missed more precious time when my daugther was young. I loved my fellowship but felt torn about my personal life.

Moving on to my first "real" job... I found an awesome job coming out of fellowship. The only downside was a 35 min one way commute (because of my husband's demanding call/surgeon schedule/call). I started out full time (4 days per week thankfully was full time with one day "off" from patient care). It was nice having 1 day off but still hectic trying to run errands, run a household. My daughter was in daycare and would get sick at the worst times (and my husband and I would argue who's job was most important and who needed to reschedule their day of patients). Still, it was MUCH better than residency.

Thankfully I had the fore sight to drop to 75% time when my 2nd daughter was born. I had 3 months of fully paid, heavenly maternity leave (which made me realize even more the time I had missed with my 1st daughter- my first maternity leave was a 6 weeks blink your eyes and it was done). We switched from day care to our wonderful babysitter (who is amazing and loves our children). Both of these big changes happened nearly 4 years ago and it's been GREAT (we still luckily have the same babysitter). I feel that overall I have a schedule that is more manageable and works for me. I can't imagine working full time and I'm still not sure how I survived residency! As time goes on and my kids get older, the craziness that was my life during training thankfully seems farther way. So in the end LIFE GETS BETTER!

Some thoughts to all working moms... I think "balance" is very elusive. In my family medicine residency we had this wonderful communications class- I was exposed to a concept called "margin". It you haven't read any of Dr. Richard Swenson's books, they are worth reading. The idea is that you only have so much time, personal/emotional/physical energy. Basically work and other commitments (family, volunterism, church) all need to fall into some framework that leaves YOU with personal time which is essential to physical, spiritual and emotional health. Don't we all tell this to our patients?

If you are a resident... you can try but margin is very difficult and even harder if you are a parent. Know this, residents and medical students... life does get better. But you have to make smart choices on what you want your LIFE to look like. I have analyzed my job, family, TIME alot! It's worth checking in with yourself periodically to make sure that you are really happy and not just blinding going through your life oblivious to all the wonderful things that are going on. Self awareness and being in the moment whether it's with your family or a patient is extremely fufilling and a worth while pursuit.

I am not pretending to have all the answers... and there are certainly days where my kids get sick, the baby sitter has a family emergency and my job demands are never ending. But I do feel like I'm in a good place- professionally and lifewise. Watching my girls grow and creating family memories is wonderful and takes purposeful choices.

Thank you for sharing your story with us, mommyDOworkhard. The concept of margin sounds very helpful. I guess that would be the opposite of survival mode!

mommyDOworkhard, that is a great story and I'm glad you shared it. It certainly captures what many of us will go through as our career evolves. I don't have any kids yet, but I can still relate to much of what you're describing. Residency was super hard, and I hardly ever saw my husband esp since he was travelling to a different city for work almost every week. Given that we were newly-weds at the time, it was horrible and I couldn't wait for residency to end so I could find a cushy job. That was supposed to make up for all the lost time, but what do you know...perspectives change! My current job is 40 hrs per week (as opposed to 80). I get to see my sweetheart every evening and every weekend, we have a wonderful home and fun times together, but all I can obsess over now is the fact that when we have kids, this time won't be enough. I'm pretty certain that I'll switch to part-time then, but I can afford to cos my spouse makes enough to compensate for that income shift. However, you do what you have to at the time to survive and get the best out of any situation. I think in the end, we all have to prioritize and compromise to achieve work-life balance. It doesn't just fall into your lap....although sometimes when you don't know the whole story, it sure looks that way!