Dear fellow mothers,

Help! For the last couple months, my 3.5 year old has been waking up before 6am, and falling asleep after 8:30pm. She "naps" at preschool between 20m and 1hr. She is SO exhausted all day. She plays and runs and is happy at school and at home, but every time there is a quiet moment, she is lying on the floor, sucking her thumb. She is usually a kid that LOVES sleep--she used to go to bed at 8, wake up at 6:30/7, and take a 2 to 3 hour nap (she still takes a nap this long on weekends).

I have tried putting her to bed sooner (she tosses and turns and carries on until exactly 8:30). We have tried letting her sleep in our bed when she gets up at 5 (worked at first, now she just kicks us and tosses and turns and begs for breakfast), putting her back in bed (pops right back out), and -sigh- just getting up with her (which is the current state of exhausted events). If she was a grownup, I'd worry that early morning awakening was a sign of depression...but we really have no reason to suspect it; she is happy and playful otherwise. We do have radiator heat and extremely obnoxious pipes...but she's lived with that since birth. It is pitch black in her room. No mention of scary monsters, the dark, etc. She continues to need pull-ups at night, and while she doesn't snore, she does breathe pretty heavily. Tonsils are 1+, but I wonder if she should have her adenoids evaluated? To make matters worse, my 18 mo old still wakes up once a night, too--but she's teething with a double ear infection!

Help! I'm going berserk! I am back to rotations next month, and I fear that if I'm getting up at 4am...she will, too.

Sorry so long...

Sincerely,
The head of the working mothers' support group,
Erasmus B. Dragon

Hi asunshine,
I have a few thoughts. Is she still small enough to fit into a crib? You could try going back to that and seeing if being in an "enclosed" space helps her fall asleep faster. You could also try giving her a special stuffed animal to sleep with (if she doesn't already have one). I'm sure you're already doing the usual sleep hygeine stuff (bedtime routine, quiet time before bed, no TV in the hour before bed, etc.). Finally, the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Weissbluth really helped me with my son. He's 2.5 now and generally sleeps through the night (although he woke up last night and does everytime his dad leaves town. This has made for a very fun third year for me while my husband has been interviewing for residency. Bluch). I'm not sure what the book would recommend for a 3.5 yr old as I haven't gotten that far yet.
I know I don't have that much to offer in the way of strategies - but I did want to respond, commiserate, and extend my sympathy. Getting up at night and then going to the hospital it the morning is really hard.

Ugh. That sounds really frustrating! No great solutions occur to me... my one idea:

Would she potentially be amenable to getting one of those kids' "alarm clocks" that light up eg soft green once it's an "ok" time to get up? The idea would then be that she's to stay in bed on her own until the official wake-up time. She could have some soft toys with her or something to entertain herself with quietly while she waits, perhaps? I realize your biggest goal is to get her to actually sleep more, but I'm wondering if this wouldn't get her used to staying in bed a little longer and maybe eventually achieve that - and in the meantime, you'd at least get to sleep a little more?

Also, I feel like every sleep problem we've had, the end solution has been... wait it out. Although, of course, that works right up until it doesn't. Not the most helpful advice - sorry!!

Ugh, sorry asunshine! My son is younger so I don't think I can offer any other advice, but just wanted to say good luck

Although, now that I'm thinking more - has she been stressed that you've been traveling for interviews a lot? Has the household routine been a bit off, even if hers has been about the same? My son is sensitive to when one of us is working nights... and still recovering from the recent 3 weeks straight (almost) of my husband working 14+ hour nights. He still tries to tell everyone "Dada working ALL night". And his sleeping was much worse than usual when my husband was gone so much at night. Just a thought!

No genius advice here, but, out of curiosity: what does she say when you ask her why she's up so early? Also, does she sleep better on the days when she's napped well? I def see that pattern with my older son. Good nap = good night's sleep.

To answer your questions-

-She's pretty far past the crib phase, but maybe putting things closer to her bed might give her more of a sense of security?
-Amma, that sounds like a great idea!
-"Why are you up now, my girl?" "It's morning time! Can we make pancakes? Can I watch a show?" ...and motors on from there.
-She does seem to sleep 30-60 min later on weekends when she gets a "real" nap.

D'oh!

I totally agree with the 'kid' alarm clock- I had no idea those even existed.

Our son tends to get up pretty early- 6 or 7 am even on the weekends. He has learned (now being almost 9) that prior to 8 am on weekends, it is bathroom and playing quietly in his room. (He started doing this around age 2.5 - 3, but he has always been a really independent kid.)

Would she play in her room? Or if she is super hungry, would she go into the fridge herself to get a go-gurt/string cheese/veggies?

I think children want to be with you as much as possible. My 4 yr old always tries to match my schedule - if I am up early, he eventually starts getting up early so he can see me before I take off. I think mine sleeps better at night than in the mornings. Hence I am a night owl.

It will always be challenging. Just when you think you have a routine down, every thing changes again. I honestly don't know how parents do it with two full time jobs and two or three kids. Especially when they are so little.

I am not trying to be negative, it will get easier- they will get less sick, more independent etc. It is just hard when they are so little.

asunshine, that sounds so painful! I don't really have any advice for you but I did want to say that my daughter is very similar on the napping front. She has always been a superb napper at home, and at 30 months still takes ~2.5 hour naps on the weekends. At daycare, however, she is a horrible napper - max is 1.5 hours, but that is rare, usually more like 30-45 minutes. Luckily she sleeps well at night regardless, but I dread the day we end up in your situation... Will stay tuned to see how it goes for you in case we're ever dealing with the same! Good luck

Still getting up at 5. Plus side: baby's ear infection is better, so at least she's not getting up at 2 anymore. The hardest part is my 3yo's so darn perky at 5am and I'm not. Poor her, poor me. Wah.