I just found out today that my friend lost her baby last night, at 18 weeks. We are not super close but I am totally blown away and feel the desire to reach out in some way, though I really don't see how I could possibly help. I've heard about this through a mutual friend, who lives in the same town (far away from me). The mutual friend said that she wants people to know, but didn't want to have to tell them. I know she has family visiting with her today. I am thinking of just sending her an email tonight, letting her know I am thinking of her. Anything else I can do for her? I just can't imagine what she's going through - thinking of it brings me to tears.

I'm so sorry your friend is going through this. I can't relate to her exact situation, but I can try to draw a parallel. When Peanut was born, and everything was thrown into chaos, no one knew what to say. And really, that was fine- there was no way for them to 'fix' things. But they were there for me- a cup of coffee, a phone call, a huge hug. People really had to seek me out just because I was in a place between trying to figure out what I had done wrong while pregnant and trying to keep my composure while in a place I will rotate through to being mom to a little girl with a lot going on.

So I guess what I am saying is let her know you feel for her, and tell her that in a few days/ a week you want to come over with coffee/tea/lunch. Give her a big hug.

Hope this helps- this is really sad.

So hard. I'd think about short communications conveying that you're thinking of her - and perhaps spacing them a bit, since often people have a flurry of support the first week and then it all goes away and they're left with still a huge need and sorrow but can feel like everyone else has forgotten...?

I'm so sorry for your friend. What a rough thing. My SIL lost her son at 20 weeks, but was very closed off. She wouldn't let us talk to her about it or comfort her at all.

I think it's a nice gesture to send her a message letting her know you're thinking of her.

Thanks for the suggestions. I sent her a brief email. Unfortunately I do not live in the area so I can't do things like bring them dinner or take her out to coffee. However, AmmaMD, I love your suggestion of spacing contact out a bit - I think you're totally right, she'll get a ton of support up front and then it will die down. I will definitely keep that in mind.

If anyone has any other suggestions, I'm all ears!

Gosh, I teared up just reading that.

I agree with Amma. When I was in college, my roommate got cancer and had treatments, etc, back home. One day while we were talking on the phone, she said I was the only one who still called her this far out and it meant a lot to her...it really surprised me, and made me more resolute to continue support for hurting friends/family weeks and months later.

<makes mental note to call widowed grandmother later this week>

Agree with above. One of my friends lost her full-term baby a few years back. She's also very far away. I sent her a few short heartfelt notes. Also, if I remember, I always reach out to her around the anniversary and she always says she's very touched that I remember her princess. Not sure the yearly thing would be warranted in this case, but I think, if you can remember, sending a note around the time the baby was due to be born would be good, as she's bound to miss her baby that much more then.

I listened to a radio show online about how to help women thru things like this (I plan on going into Ob-Gyn, so it isn't as strange as it sounds). It is a really good listen, if you can find the time.

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/progressive...-pregnancy-loss

A friend of mine lost her son the same day mine was born. Her son was born premature at 19 weeks. She started receiving hospital bills for the stillbirth last week and is publicly ranting on Facebook about the greedy/insensitive doctors and hospital making her pay the difference that her insurance didn't cover (I think it comes out to about $5000).

Does anyone care to share an opinion on that situation? I don't know what to say to her about that. I feel bad that she has a bill and no baby, but she knew her insurance covered only so much as well. Is there a better way for a medical facility to handle billing someone who experienced a loss? I don't believe they should write it off, but is there a better way?

My best friend lost her baby at 39 weeks. Placental Abruption... she went to the hospital thinking she was going to deliver normally, only to find that that her daughter had no heartbeat and probably hadn't for at least a day or two.

Gut wrenching. There aren't words for a loss like this, and as moms, we can all feel that ache down deep in our hearts.

Just reaching out means something. Just saying that you're sorry, and that you're here if she needs anything means so much.

Per my friend (I just asked her, because we work together)--what your friend does NOT need are the well-wishers who try, in all kindness, to make her feel better but will only make it worse by saying cliches like "God must've needed another Angel..." or "She's in a better place..."

I know we mean well when we say things like that to comfort, but it doesn't give any peace to a mommy whose arms are empty when they should be rocking a newborn... So just be real, be a listener, and be... present. Let her talk about her baby if she wants to (or not.) There's nothing wrong with telling her that you have no idea what she needs...but that you just want to be there for her. She'll tell you if she's ready, and even if she's not, she will still appreciate your kindness.

Bless you for wanting to reach out... my thoughts are with your friend. It's just so hard, and there are no easy answers. Left foot, right foot, breathe in, breathe out...