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How We Define Power
Our culture historically has held that women should be most powerful in
traditional roles that foster the growth of others such as mothering,
nursing, teaching, etc. Most positions of social and financial power
are still held by men. Many women fear if they use the traditional
power models which are hierarchical, self aggrandizing, controlling,
dominating, and potentially destructive, they will be abandoned by
friends and family, and frowned on by the culture at large. Most women
would be more comfortable wielding power if they believed they were
enhancing the power of other people while simultaneously increasing
their own power. This mutually empowering model is not how the
majority of the world has defined power.
Feminine Power
Women’s views and concepts of power have not been taken into account in
most studies of power. It seems important that women keep examining a
feminine definition of power that is collaborative, nurturing and
affects positive change in self and others. Many women would prefer to
feel powerless and inadequate than risk the consequences of being seen
as selfish or dominating. As a Woman’s Life Coach, I have often worked
with women to help them move out of “learned helplessness,” and warn
them at the beginning of our work together that as they grow stronger
and begin to take control of their own lives, they may loose primary
relationships that are based on their powerlessness. Some women prefer
to remain helpless than risk these losses.
Fiscal Power
Many women believe they have power in their lives yet have no
legitimate socially or economic power, leaving them vulnerable as they
age. They become caught in unhealthy or even abusive relationships
because they cannot independently support themselves. Women are also
often the caregivers for husbands who become ill in later years. Then,
when their husband passes, they are left with limited or no financial
knowledge or resources for their remaining years.
Healthy Power
It is important that women recognize the need to use their natural
powers as they grow and mature. We need to help each other to
understand and create a cultural awareness of a new definition of power
that is collaborative, mutually empowering and enhancing. This kind of
power, used in the context of the culture and world, would look for
win-win relational solutions rather than domineering and destructive
interventions. As leaders women require a “competent self,”
assertiveness and a willingness to speak up, a desire to create
positive change, and a wide support network.
A New World
Once this new kind of power is embraced and understood by women, they
can support one another in seeking new ways of discovering their unique
gifts, exercising their natural powers, and negotiating change in their
personal, professional and cultural contexts.
One Woman at a Time
When coaching women to create life changes, coaches must stay attuned
to their client’s foundational strengths, help them define a new kind
of comfortable power, and support each woman as they create inner and
outer change. As more and more women begin to understand that as they
grow more powerful, they help others do the same, more and more women
will be willing to take the “power risk.”
Ref:
Women and Power by Jean Baker Miller Wellsley College No. 1 1982
Women in Power by D. Cantor, T. Bernay, Houghton Mifflin Co., NY NY 1992
Question to consider:
In what parts of your life have you felt empowered and powerless?
Not to change anything, but to at least bring it into awareness.
About the author:
Linda Lawless is one of the MomMD coaching affiliate members who represent Women To Women Coaching. They are dynamic teleconference/workshop leaders, and personal and professional life coaches who are dedicated to working with busy Professional Women/Moms who desire to create more success in balancing time and energy in work and home that will significantly impact their lives. Join a unique group of women/moms from all over the world with the courage to go after their dreams. We will be offering upcoming teleconferences through MomMD and welcome you to join us in these interactive teleconferences that will stimulate your creativity and help you be more energized. In addition, we will be posting forum questions and replies that motivate you to explore important issues. Check out upcoming events and teleconferences at our website at www.womentowomencoaching.com
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