So I've reached the point in my life where I'm chatting with strangers...
I've really enjoyed reading other people's blogs & diaries, and there seems to be a great benefit in sorting your thoughts out in words, as well as sharing and receiving feedback. That said, feel free to PM me with any feedback.
Here's where I am now:
married 5 years
husband also a student (but not premed!)
I'm at a bit of a crossroads right now, which is why I thought I'd get this all sorted out here.
I'm scheduled to take the MCAT in May, and applying for medical school in June. I'm also recently TTC. So... now I'm thinking of taking a year off between my BS and medical school.
If I got pregnant right away, I would be okay with going on ahead with this application cycle. But I don't know if I will. I also don't want to make all my plans around that, because it may not happen at all (not to be pessimistic, but one never knows). How silly would it be to take a year off for a baby that never comes!
If I took a year off, I could make my application better, but I think I would get in as it is. It would just be a more solid application given more time.
Or... I could defer! I'm not sure how possible this is, but I'm thinking I could go ahead and apply, then defer for a year if I do get pregnant somewhere in the application process. But what are the criteria for deferring? Would a new baby qualify?
So, I'm mulling all this over as I get ready to fill out the application. I'm applying DO, so the application opens next weekend, although I believe we can't actually submit it until June 1.
I want a little emoticon that sighs for me.
In other news, I LOVE not being on birth control. Extra hormones (and yes, I tried many varieties) make me loopy and dull and moody all at the same time. Ugh.
That's all for now! I have work to do - better get on with it!
I am rescheduling the MCAT today, but will still apply this year. That's my plan for now, anyway. If I take it in July I should have some time to study, while not being terribly late in the application cycle.
As for the rest of the details, we'll see how it pans out.
I really wanted to be one of those people who was totally on top of it and applied right away, but that's just not reality. I have a lot of other things going on, and am not able to prepare for the MCAT while taking classes, organizing a student trip, working, and taking care of my husband. I could if I had to, but I think I will do much better if I push it back a little bit.
I'm getting somewhat excited about applying, but I just don't know what will happen.
In other news, I have a poster ready to get printed for a research project I've been working on, and hopefully will get to keep working on over the summer. I work in a lab with multiple supervisors, all of whom will assign me to their projects simultaneously... They know they do this, and they try to avoid it to some extent, but it still gets tricky. I'm excited about my poster, though! I've never done one before. Getting it just right - saying what I wanted to say, proper formats, getting charts out of their native program - was a lot more time-consuming than I expected. But now it's done!!
I am really low on motivation right now. Well, not all motivation. But somehow doing the work required to get and A in physics is not appealing to me. I do not like math, and I do not like physics. So, now you know.
I spent all day working a fundraiser for a student group. I started a club this year. I don't know why. In addition to disliking math, I dislike being in charge.
Wow, am I the downer today, or what?
I'm just tired. The club's purpose is to send a group of students to Honduras to set up and staff temporary clinics in rural areas. I think it will be an awesome experience for everyone involved, which is why I work so hard for it. But I'm starting to feel like I have no skill in transferring my vision to others. Is that a skill one can have? How do you motivate someone to do something? How do you get 19-yr-olds to show up for an event they said they'd help with?
I really do hate physics, but it'll be over soon enough. Mostly I don't like magnetism. The other subjects aren't too bad. I'm getting over it. Although I don't have my exam score yet! I might get gloomy again!
Anyhow, on with the grind. Heading to school, then to work. It's my anniversary today, and we really don't have anything planned. Probably head to a restaurant we go to for special occasions, maybe go out of town for the weekend. At first my husband wanted to do something really nice for this one (5-yr) like a mini-vacation, but then he realized we don't have any money! Ah, the student life.
Today is an A&P exam, then no more exams until finals!! I can't wait!!
That's about it. I'm feeling much better today, although I am sleep-deprived.
Two more weeks to this insane school year, and I can't wait.
We had a death in my husband's family the week before school started. I realized that it would be hard to handle, but I just didn't think about how much energy it would take away. It's not just grieving, and it's not just the time in planning a funeral. It's being completely drained. And as soon as I get a grip on myself, then my husband is a wreck. Then it's figuring out what to do for Christmas, dealing with years of collected things, dealing with family who is also trying to figure it all out. I really had no idea.
That said, I really need a break and a fresh start. My husband is taking summer classes, which I think is insane, but he actually failed a few courses and wants to graduate on time.
I wonder sometimes if I would have done anything differently, knowing this year would be like this. I have learned that my way of dealing with things is to immerse myself in work, and my husband's is to deal with it 5 months later. But what else would I have done?
Maybe not overwork myself quite as much. I actually took on more than usual, when my husband needed me more. I would have lightened my class load so I could be more supportive of him, and help him get through his grieving more smoothly.
Oddly enough, I find myself suspicious of death now. I look around at my friends and family, wondering who death will come for next. Seems like there is always another goodbye we should have said. I really can't imagine saying enough, so I guess I'll always feel that way.
I guess I am just grateful for the opportunity to take a break soon. I'll still be working, but working is so much easier.
I'm taking the MCAT in less than a week! I should be studying. I was... realized that I'm as bad at physics as I feared...
Anyway, I don't know. I am unmotivated to study. I finished the miserable school year, successfully led a group of 20 other college students on an international medical mission trip, came back sick (of course), and recovered just in time for the madness of starting a new study at work. I am happy to be done with the school year, though. I feel so relieved to have it behind me.
I'm glad I didn't put off applying, although it still remains to be seen how well I do on the MCAT. I am only working a few hours next week, and will spend the rest of the time studying.
I think about how different my schedule would be if I weren't married and didn't work all the time. One classmate told me back in April that he was spending about 20 hours/week studying for the MCAT. That seems totally crazy to me. Maybe I should put more value on tests, but I feel like there is a lot more to life than getting the perfect score. I'm working on my first publication, for example. I'm about the fourth author, but that's okay! Gotta start somewhere!
Anyway, I've got to pop into the lab for a couple of hours, then back to studying all day! I'm sending in my application next week as soon as I take the MCAT, just in case I have to run out with a high fever, or a boulder falls on the building or something and I want to void the test.
Now that I've come this far, and have been planning to apply to only osteopathic schools for over 2 years, I'm rethinking that. I guess that's a discussion for another day, but what a time to be second-guessing things!
Meh. Off to work, then I'll let the physics book settle and review chemistry. That should be more productive; I was once very good at chemistry. I have never been good at physics.