I am excited, I have always wanted to have a blog/diary type of thingy. I started a blog, but i refuse to put it on public display JUST in case someone reads it. I am weird like that, I wish people around me understood how I feel, except I don't feel comfortable sharing anything with anyone really.
Anyways, I am gonna kinda blabber on here, and then later maybe read through it, hopefully I understand my mind.
I am 20 years old, and I am a pre-health student. You see, I was a definite pre-med, until I heard the phrase "If you can picture yourself doing anything else in your life, then don't do medicine because it's not worth it." My problem is that I can picture myself doing a lot of things, maybe act, be an artist, be a musician, a teacher, an architect, a pirate even. I like learning about different things, I like people, and I like making those people feel better. Feel better was the key word in my mind that made me think that medicine was for me. Every time I find out something cool about the way the body works, my brain shifts a little and I blurt out a fascinated "Whoaa"
I have other desires in life too, such as live a comfortable lifestyle in a great social circle of friends, where I am respected and admired. Sounds superficial, but in Afghan communities (I am Afghan by the way.. surprise)reputation is everything, especially for a girl. Medicine is the profession regarded with the highest respect, yes I am talking about prestige, but I consider that important.
This makes me sound like I wanna practice it for money.. which is not true. I actually plan on marrying rich, since I have decided I don't believe in love anymore. So money is not really a factor. The way it works among Afghans/Muslims is that the marriages are arranged, WHICH means something totally different than you think. Now arranged means parents of the guy and a girl see the wedding as suitable and the couple and their families as compatible and allow the couple to meet before letting them decide if they wanna get married. I am the third daughter in the family, with my two older sisters single. I figure by the time the two of them get married, I am bound to fall into some whirlwind romance with a mr. right. As long as he is Muslim, Afghan, and meets my family's "standards".
Anyways, THAT was offtopic. Back to my pre-health track. Actually let me make this more like a diary and work in my current events.
My second best friend is now engaged, for some reason making me feel as if i can hear my clock ticking and I am only 20! the reason I think my clock is ticking is because the thought of being in school for the next 10 years makes me feel like all I will be able to do is study and even if I do have my own life during that time, such as a wedding/kids, I won't be able to enjoy my life untill I am done. This is a legitimate reason to worry about isn't it. Maybe too early to, but I can't help it when my 20 year old girlfriend insists that her wedding needs to happen faster because she's "getting old". Well, I am a week older than her! My goodness, I sound shallow and superficial with all this marriage talk. I am an independent woman, I don't really need anyone in my life, but people tell me I will change my mind. I don't know.
I'll leave it at that for today, because that's what's on my mind. Another thing that has been on my mind is how badly I want to travel,and I am so afraid that I won't be able to or have the time to! The movie that's coming out with Julia Roberts..Eat Pray Love, I want to do that!!! That would make me so happy. I am so naive.
I have given myself a no-editing rule on the blog, but I just wanted to add that if anyone has read through this, please don't think I am insane. I put on a face of an incredibly evenminded and overnormal person on the outside. It's my mind that goes in circles at times, due to my inability to make decisions.. a sign of weak character in my view, but hopefully something that I can eventually work on