Feeling trapped

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6 years 5 months ago #89417 by siunam
Never thought that I'm the kind to blog, but really have nowhere else to vent. So here it goes.

I'm an intern, and it sucks being an intern, regardless of the specialty or the program. Hours are long (and I know that it used to be longer) and there is so much to learn and read about after I get home. I'm chronically sleep-deprived and stressed (who isn't). To add to all this, I still can't get pregnant after 28 months ttc. The intern/resident lifestyle is really hurting my chance of getting pregnant. After a year of acupuncture and herbs with no luck, I finally saw a RE 2 months ago. It was promising at the initial consult when he was very sympathetic about my inflexible schedule and he said he was willing to work with me. Now that I've started getting the work up, that willingness is nowhere to be found. I don't want to talk to my PD about getting time off for RE appt. If anything, it is of their interest to make sure that I can't get pregnant so they won't have to accommodate yet another pregnant resident. I can't quit now when I'm more than half way through the toughest year. Also, it's not like if I quit and have time to sleep and exercise then magically I'll be pregnant. Incidentally my employer's health plan actually has amazing coverage for infertility, so it'll be a double whammy financially if I quit. But at the same time, if I can't get to the RE appts, what good is the coverage?

Hubby was great at the beginning of intern year. I guess the year and the infertility are wearing both of us down. He just blew up last night because I wouldn't have time to help him plan for vacation in the fall. I was just being honest when I told him that I just wanted to be away from the hospital and didn't care if we don't go somewhere. I just cried my eyes out today on my way home. We are still not talking. I probably should be studying for step 3 instead of venting. But I'm losing hope that things will get better.

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6 years 5 months ago #89434 by niash
This sounds like my life in more than one way. I quit a well paying engineering job because I was getting frustrated with not getting pregnant, not having time for the RE visits. (yes, there are other jobs that will stress you out to that extent).

I think you should talk to the PD about needing time off. Each RE IVF cycle (if you are trying one) will be 1-2 months. So, you can ask for that much time off and see how it goes. Do not be afraid ask for what you consider is one of the most important things in your life. It does not hurt to ask. This is what I should have done in my previous job. But it was male-dominated and I was very uncomfortable bringing it up with my superiors.

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5 years 4 months ago #92737 by flustrated
You are going to have to have the PD's buy in. You may be surprised by his reaction. I am an emergency doctor, and we did IVF (one cycle). I didn't tell my scheduling partner why I didn't want to be scheduled for the earliest day shift, and he didn't ask, but I expect he knew. I was willing to make concessions about the schedule in other areas. What you are asking is NOT unreasonable. Just do it.

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5 years 4 months ago #92741 by Administrator
Please remember that the Blogs & Diaries fthreads are intended to allow members to enter and share their experiences, but are not intended to solicit comments and responses. To respond to this thread, please PM the original poster or start a new thread elsewhere for discussion purposes. Thanks!

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