Sometimes I appreciate not having to answer to anybody or not share my mistakes etc with anybody, but not today. This feeling seems to come out of no where. I was up last night watching TV still angry with the Nanny for not texting/calling me when my 11 year old said he had a doctors appointment and angry that the washing machine broke. That's when the feeling hit me. I'm lonely. I'm not sure if having friends that I could hang out with on a regular basis would help me not feel like this. I am 36 years old and I look at all the other people getting married and are married and wonder why am I still single. I know God has someone for me and given my track record of picking less than stellar men, I should be patient, but sheesh I am getting up there.
Actually when I think about it, it's not so much the age that bothers me or that others married. I want to be wanted, to want to someone to commit to say they will spend the rest of their life with me and my children. I also hear the sadness in my children voices as they speak about not having a dad and wanting one. I have stopped thinking I deserve a good relationship, but I still feel my children deserve a good dad. I work hard to give my children love and financial stability, so it pains me that this is something out of my control.
Maybe tomorrow I will feel at peace with this, but today I'm like, this sucks. I can't help but think it sure is lonely on the top.
I completely agree. I am not in medical school yet but I am SINGLE. It sucks sometimes. I am the oldest of 5 sisters and I am the only one still single. All my friends are now married and they never want to hang out. I pray all the time for the right man but I still haven't met the guy. Being patient is so hard. I don't get out much so it's kind of hard to meet anybody. I figure maybe God will send him to my door. I have 3 children of my own and I am 29. Their dad is not really the best and doesn't support them financially. By the way, how did you find a nanny? I think I need one!
Today is another interesting day. I must say I am not fond of these days. I was doing fine until a guy of interest texted me out of the blue. It was weird because I signed up for this dating site and I clicked on this guy I thought was him (turned out it wasn't) and here he comes texting me. I am so out of touch with dating etc I don't know what to make of stuff like that.
If I am minding my own business I don't appreciate life dangling possibilities in front of me. Unlike most of the women in my city I'm not a chaser so I'm just stuck with sitting back and having to assume he was being friendly again.
And in other news, my younger brother got a divorce after one year of marriage. The lady he was married too is only 26 or 27 and has be married before. I'm like really. I wonder if there are people who marry and those who don't. If so I find that very unfair. I can't help but to think my mom did such a good job raising my brothers (all but one of the 4 is married) that she had nothing left for me. I know this is not true, bc 1) I was the oldest and 2) my mom had no father figure either so I know she did what she could. I am trying not to despise those who take marriage so lightly but I guess in the end that's their business.
I think I met somebody, but he lives in another state. I am not sure how this will work out. We have been talking for three weeks and I keep looking for things to check off. He has met my criteria but I keep wondering if there is something I should have asked that would reveal a red flag. I keep telling myself I'm just going to have to sit back and see how things go.
I feel a bit like those widowed (mind you I not anyone's widow) women from the western movies who are like my kids need a papa. But they do, so after the last failed relationship I'm also considering them. My children didn't meet my last boyfriend until we were kind of serious, but I think I going to take that Steve Harvey movie to heart and have my children met the guy before we get serious. I never wanted to be that women who had my children exposed to people I wasn't serious about, but that way of thinking didn't work out well for me this last time.
So now I guess I'm just going to continue to remind myself take this day but day, but pay attention to subtleties.