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Can you have it all?

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15 years 4 months ago #67862 by mommd2b

Originally posted by amyk:

ps oh ya, kris, that's right, about the money. this goes back to the question about 'would you be willing to live more like europeans do', but I guess a lot of people include living large in having it all. easy for me, since i was never really into that. not on my dime, anyway. :laughing:

Interesting, Amy. When my husband and I did our taxes this year (and as an attending physician, 41.5% of his paycheck goes to federal, state, local taxes and FICA) we figured out that if we lived in germany we only would have paid $1100 more for the entire year. For that money, we would have had private health insurance (not the regular old govt. insurance), our kids would have free preschool and kindergarten and collge...and we would have free medications when we retire...

kris

In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer.

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15 years 4 months ago #67863 by EKM
Maybe its time to move to Germany, Kris.. :)
I "having it all" for me means finding my own personal happiness and satisfaction.
Right now I am pretty satisfied with my life and feel pretty blessed and close to having it all.
I have my share of problems and obstacles, but I also have so many blessings to count for also. I am a Mom to two gorgeous boys who I love and adore, I am going to school, which I enjoy doing.
I have great family support around me who are around and I can talk to and I just am overall happy right now.
I think for me it took going through a few "rock bottom" times to get to the happiness point that I am at. I still have some crappy days, but I feel pretty content.
This is just my opinion but "having it all" is just being happy.
As for material things, I work very hard for what we have, I drive a safe, decent car, my kids are healthy, have good medical care, are safe, and always have plenty to eat and clean clothes to wear.
So, I guess I just feel very lucky to have my kids and have them healthy. That is my motivation is to provide an even better life for us with hopefully a stable career that I am happy doing. :D :)

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15 years 4 months ago #67864 by mommd2b

Originally posted by EKM:
Maybe its time to move to Germany, Kris.. :)

I don't understand why pointing out that you get more for your money in Germany means that I should leave my country of citizenship and move there....why can't we make changes in this country so that the money that we pay in is actually used more appropriately?

Don't blame the messenger.. ;) :p

In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer.

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15 years 4 months ago #67865 by CaLiGirL:)

Originally posted by amyk:
How about "everything in moderation"? :laughing:

Seriously -- one kid, part-time work, recreation and time for self-care, time to be married (and even have sex). I feel like 9 months into motherhood, I'm finally getting things balanced in a really nice way. Now, of course, I've jinxed myself. :)

I think a big part of the problem -- and the thing that leads us to nod & say wisely "you can have it all, just not all at the same time," is that we structure professional work in this country so that it consumes your life. If we can change that, and help push the active-fatherhood movement along, I bet we'll find a lot more women saying that yes, they have it all...if not in supersized portions.

amy

That's precisely what I'm striving for... part-time work, be there for my kid, AND have time to socialize and have a good relationship with others around me. I agree with the "everything in moderation" point that you bring about. Certainly, you can't have it all, if you expect it all to be done in a "super-sized" manner. You probably can't have it all even in moderation, only b/c we as humans live only one life, and there's so much to do... I believe it is a matter of striving towards "having it all", doing what you can... utilizing what you've got to get there.

I guess it all depends on what you try to achieve. The reason why this is such an issue with women who want to enter a career as a physician is b/c this field itself has this immense magnitude in hard work and dedication, when it comes to getting to the the end point. There are ways to make things easier... for example, child-cares on medical school campuses, decompressing your years in medical school, the reduction of the resident work-week to 80 hours, etc. Even still, going into medicine is what you'd call a "super-sized" portion in terms of career. I believe that sacrifices must and will be made, whether it be on the family, or on career. One will suffer. When I say "suffer", it comes off in a negative context. There are varying degrees of what we may call "suffering", and it all differs from family to family. How each family responds to it, deals with it, and overcomes it is specific to them.

Every family is unique to their own situations. There are mothers who are simply better at juggling things than others, there are kids who have an increased tendency to be needy for their mothers than others, there are parents who have an increased tendency to feel guilt than others, some have more supportive husbands than others... etc. Therefore, for those who are fullfilling their dreams, on this public forum, I don't assume the worst, but I always assume the best... therefore, I hope that you don't take my viewpoint on my situation as a unique one as one that I think is general upon all mothers, or my personal opinion as one that I'm trying to spread like it is written in the bible. I assume the best of all of you, I admire and respect you. For getting it all done, more power to you!

I personally just choose to have it all later... I guess rather than managing and juggling my time all at once, I'm doing it in blocks in my life... one block focusing more on one thing than the other, b/c I've learned throughout the course of my life, my daughter's life, that's what I'm better at. When I lie on my death bed many, many years from now... I'll be able to look back on my life and look at it as a whole. In that context, I did have it all in a sense. Hopefully, I'll be content with that when the time comes, but only then would I know.

:)

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15 years 4 months ago #67866 by EKM

don't understand why pointing out that you get more for your money in Germany means that I should leave my country of citizenship and move there....why can't we make changes in this country so that the money that we pay in is actually used more appropriately?

Don't blame the messenger..

I agree with you Kris...that was a joke, I think you took that differently then I meant it. :) I am definately loyal to the USA, my country, but I lived in Germany for 4 years as a kid(military brat) and I loved it, it really is a neat place.
I agree things should be changed here, I think I maybe should have added a little more to my statement. :D Erin

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15 years 4 months ago #67867 by amyk
actually that's interesting, about Germany -- we're still thinking about moving up north with the rest of the pinkos, so a few months ago I found Canadian tax formulas and did some estimates on what we'd pay and how inheritances and trusts would be handled taxwise. Answer: Our taxes wouldn't be much different from what we pay here, but we'd have a much nicer range of social services -- and of course if we wanted the kind of healthcare services you don't see much in national-health countries, we could visit our neighbor to the south. Wouldn't be necessary to give up US citizenship, either. Sooo...we start making visits this summer, and we'll see how it goes.

amy

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