There are discussions of what's common w/r/t bonuses here:
. Take home: about a week's pay seems common. But, of course, that's generally a bonus for a nanny that you *like* - ie, not one that you're in the middle of firing.
So, I'd say (1) 1 month pay as a bonus is totally in left field even for a totally adored, long time nanny; (2) a nanny who's not been doing well and is being fired? Don't feel any obligation to pay anything!
I think it's really hard to let a nanny go. We let our first nanny go when things didn't work out, and it was awkward and unpleasant for sure - and she didn't even live with us. Having someone in your home, caring for your baby... it's really a very intimate relationship for everyone involved. It's hard for the end of that not to feel very personal. I think she probably feels resentful and angry. But, it doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong. It sounds like you've made good decisions, and shouldn't feel guilty about them in the slightest.
ohiomommd, I will give my opinion, but I am no expert in police matters! I think she should definitely get the police involved if there is a specific threat, such as a threat to harm anyone in the family or kidnap the children, or if she is stalking any of them. Short of that, I think it is a judgment call. Rich and famous people pay the author's company to make that kind of judgment for them. For the rest of us, reading the book can help us figure out whether a situation is dangerous or just annoying. The author also emphasizes the importance of listening to our survival instincts that tell us when we are in danger.
I think you are right, though, that if she needs the police, she should just call them and not first threaten to call them.
So we have been free from our nanny for the past 2 weeks. Things are going well. My husband is enjoying making dinner for us and since he has the day free while the kids are in daycare, he has time for recreation and relaxation.
I have received 3 phone calls to ask for reference for our former nanny, all of the jobs involve her being at home with 1 or 2 children while the professional parents are at work. My husband is an attorney, and he advised me that I should just confirm her dates of employment and her duties. One phone call was from another physician in my large multi-specialty group. The next day, that physician sent me an email at work, asking why I kept sending my kids to daycare if I had a nanny and asking about why she left. Apparently, the nanny had told her that she had worked for us for 2 years, and after us, she had worked with a family taking care of a newborn and a 2 year-old. When I told her that the nanny had only worked with us for 1 year and that her last day with us was last week, she was appalled.
BTW, our former nanny left me a voicemail this weekend expressing her concern, asking if we were able to manage, and telling me that she has other job opportunities but wanted to give us the opportunity to hire her back at her previous salary (no raise).