× Family & Parenting

Mother-In-Law crushing my dream..

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7 years 2 weeks ago #87353 by megboo

lyn2006 wrote: Yep, you will miss lots of important things when working 80 hrs/week. It all depends if you are ok with that! I'd say it might be easier to make the decision since you already have a kid - a lot of us went into medicine without kids and realized our career plans changed a bit when we had kids. But by then typically you have so much debt that deciding to not be a physician is not really an option.

I love my job (I'm an anesthesia resident) but there are days, like the last couple of days, that were draining. They were long, I had really really sick patients to manage, and was on my feet for 12+ hours working. Those are the days I feel deprived of time with my kids. I just came home and sat with them on the floor until they went to bed... It can be hard.


This is what I do on my long days too! Sometimes it makes me feel better knowing my face is the last the little guy sees at the end of the day, even if I was gone for the rest of it.

"Some of it's magic and some of it's tragic but I had a good life all the way."<br />- He Went to Paris by Jimmy Buffett

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7 years 2 weeks ago #87354 by southernmd
I worked from 4:15 am to 6:30 ish pm five days a week on my Sub I in the STICU. Many days on that rotation I came home, collapsed into a chair, cuddled with my kid as Sesame Street talked to us, and I was absolutely exhausted. You do what you can, but my kid always knew what it felt to cuddle with mom or read books with mom at the end of a busy day. Busy = exhausted, but it does not equal bad mothering. I always have enough energy to love my son.

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7 years 2 weeks ago #87358 by CMR

asunshine wrote:
I think you should really think about what you want in life. Medicine is sometimes thought of as "smart girl default" when there are really plenty of other awesome and intellectually stimulating jobs out there.


This is such a great point. As a physician, I wish I had known about other opportunities in health care (nurse practitioners, PAs, public health positions, health educators, etc.). To me, medicine equaled being a doctor, but there are so many other options out there. Would I have still gone to med school had I known? Possibly, but at least I would have been aware of other possibilities with shorter training periods, more flexibility, and better hours. Good luck with your choice. Unfortunately our decisions are rarely easy. :)

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7 years 2 weeks ago #87383 by MissJillayne
It's just a familiar for me cuz I work in medicine now at a hospital and have to work holidays and days that I dont want to already. I know there will be missed moments but it's not like I'm going to miss his whole life. I just feel like if I can do this, or at least give a valiant effort, I should try. I want to do this and I think I can.. Thank you all for putting this into a perspective for me. I appreciate it.

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7 years 2 weeks ago #87389 by tr_

lyn2006 wrote: They were long, I had really really sick patients to manage, and was on my feet for 12+ hours working. Those are the days I feel deprived of time with my kids. I just came home and sat with them on the floor until they went to bed... It can be hard.


This sounds so hard and I have tons of sympathy for all the mamas in the residency trenches. I am really curious though: When you have a 12+ hour day and come home and just spend the rest of your time hanging with the kids, who does the domestic labor in your house? I have a much much lighter schedule than you and I don't feel like I ever have too much time to just sit around with them because anytime I am home I am trying to multitask on the cooking/cleaning/laundry.

MissJillayne wrote: It's just a familiar for me cuz I work in medicine now at a hospital and have to work holidays and days that I dont want to already. I know there will be missed moments but it's not like I'm going to miss his whole life.


Well, having to work on some holidays and days you'd rather have off is really very different from having to work all day and all night and not see your kids at all for 1.5-2 days at a time. I feel very lucky that I was past that point in my training when I had my first kid but even though I had a very cushy call schedule, call nights were the worst and I can imagine that it really would feel like you were missing your child's whole life on a standard q4 overnight call schedule.

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7 years 2 weeks ago #87400 by lyn2006

tr_ wrote: I am really curious though: When you have a 12+ hour day and come home and just spend the rest of your time hanging with the kids, who does the domestic labor in your house? I have a much much lighter schedule than you and I don't feel like I ever have too much time to just sit around with them because anytime I am home I am trying to multitask on the cooking/cleaning/laundry.


So we hired a nanny when I came back to work after we had our second child last June. She does the vast majority of our household labor, for which I pay her extra. If I know I'll be late, I call or text her and have her start (or completely make) dinner and feed the kids. She usually does some laundry and folds it while the kids are napping. She picks up toys and generally makes the house look better also. She puts our dishes in the dishwasher, runs it, and puts it away while she's there. And then once a week or once every other week she comes in on a morning when she isn't watching the kids and does a deep cleaning, does all the laundry, folds it, puts it away, etc. She also does our grocery shopping once a week and goes to the post office if I ask her to.

I usually don't work 12+ hr days in anesthesia. I probably average about 55-60 hrs/week and that includes taking one call so my days aren't too bad. I don't mind doing some household labor, so usually when I get home (between 4 and 5:30) I cook dinner, we eat, and then I play with the kids and do some reading/studying after they're in bed. Having our nanny do everything else makes this possible - I'm not worrying about getting the dishes put away or pots and pans washed or laundry done... I highly recommend someone like this if you can afford it!

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