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Premed and Pregnant

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5 years 6 months ago - 5 years 6 months ago #94718 by Doc201X

asunshine wrote: Nope. I won't come on. Guilt should be reserved for when someone has done something wrong. So when you imply to bright young mothers that a career in medicine will by itself cause one to "bungle raising your children", I will always take you to task.


Take me to task? Hun you couldn't "take me to task" if you removed the word "task" from my vocabulary. So don't take your issues out on me because my comments "resonated" with your own guilt.

All you've shown here is a severe lack of basic reading comprehension skills. I didn't say OR imply what you've accused me of. I also gave an "age range" in my original post, but you're so busy trying to assuage your obvious guilt, you COMPLETELY missed it.

So get over yourself, deal with the truth, get your head out of the clouds or any other orifice you seem to have it in, and accept the FACT that not every mother's decision to attend med school with a family, will have a positive impact on her family!!! Point. Blank. Period.



My Scientist/Physician Journey
www.Doc201X.blogspot.com
Last Edit: 5 years 6 months ago by .

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5 years 6 months ago #94719 by asunshine
Great! Sounds like we agree that a career in medicine by itself does not lead to messed up kids.

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5 years 6 months ago #94720 by Ap11274673
This went a little different direction than I thought haha, but I'm glad to hear everyone's responses. I will mention also that my mother stayed at home with all three of her kids - me being the middle child, and I think that the effect on her mentally was more detrimental than any effect her working would have had on the three of us. She was miserable - and yes there are many things that can contribute to that, but knowing your parent/parents are unhappy/bored/disappointed with their lives is far more likely to cause issues in a child than having a parent who loves (and doesn't resent) the time that they spend with you, even if it is more limited than you or they would like. Actually, one of the reasons I have always wanted a meaningful and fulfilling career is because I have seen how unhappy my mother, and many other stay at home moms, have been. Once again - it works wonderfully for some and I understand everyone has different experiences - I do not want to insult stay at home moms in any way. I just learned early that it was not something I thought I wanted for myself. So regardless of whether I get into and attend medical school, I will have some kind of career because I think it is important as a mother, as many sacrifices as you do make, to take care of yourself too. For me, working and being a part of something I am proud of and passionate about is part of taking care of myself. I think I will learn in time how demanding a career I can handle as a mother, and I am more than willing to make sacrifices based on whatever will be best for my child. But I honestly think screwed up kids come from all kinds of situations and families and there is only so much control that the mother and what she does has over that.

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5 years 6 months ago #94721 by tr_

Ap11274673 wrote: But I honestly think screwed up kids come from all kinds of situations and families and there is only so much control that the mother and what she does has over that.


SO TRUE. This is the bottom line!

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5 years 6 months ago #94724 by tr_

Doc201X wrote: And I couldn't imagine being a Resident in my 30s/40s while I was raising my family/caring for sick parents, so what's your point? You did what you had to do and I did what I had to do. The difference? The guilt I felt raising my kid was negligible and she turned out to be a successful young woman, SMASHING EVERY crass stereotype about girls like her.


But you must have thought differently about this in the past? I say this because I definitely recall you posting on student dr. in the early 2000s about med school applications - e.g.

forums.studentdoctor.net/threads/reapply...l.46122/#post-433391

so it sounds like you were planning to go to med school at that time, and it also sounds like you were reasonably comfortable balancing a demanding job with an elementary school age child - e.g.

forums.studentdoctor.net/threads/mothers...e.69737/#post-711752

forums.studentdoctor.net/threads/around-...d.55521/#post-596612

so forgive me but I must say I am curious about the very significant change of heart here. Did something in particular change your outlook?

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5 years 6 months ago - 5 years 6 months ago #94725 by Doc201X
Wow a post from 11 years ago!?!? Whose life circumstances haven't changed in 11 years????

Given that I was accepted MD/PhD in 2000 (when my kid was 3), it's safe to assume I did think differently at one time. And I've done a SUPERB job of outlining my circuitous path to medicine in my blog. :cool:

The short story is that it's called life and for most people, it's pretty darn unpredictable at times!!! Plus, with age comes wisdom, and I don't know one Mom who regret putting off med school off until their kids were older/out of the house. But I can't count the stories of Women/Moms who seem to have some regret trying to balance it all. And the ones whose fertility is gone forever while they were training to become an MD, I mean some things you just don't get a second chance to do. Like have/raise kids.

Now for a history lesson. Black AND poor women have ALWAYS had to balance work/home duties. So when I talk about women who succeeded in med school with kids at EVERY age, they are the examples I'm speaking of because they usually did it with family help only and their own wherewithal, NO nannies, housekeepers, ect.

The overwhelming majority of women who attend med school are the children of at least one parent who earned either an MD, PhD, or both. And privileged upbringings don't always bring out the "bootstrapping" qualities needed to make work/life balance work especially as a Mom in med school and beyond. So when I hear stories of women from privileged backgrounds making med school work while raising kids my response is always "of course you did", ANYONE can make things work with significant financial support.

My Scientist/Physician Journey
www.Doc201X.blogspot.com
Last Edit: 5 years 6 months ago by .

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